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32Quotes from ‘Daisy’

How I Met Your Mother: Daisy

920. Daisy

Aired March 10, 2014

The guys go on a quest to figure out where Lily went during her argument with Marshall the night before. Meanwhile, Robin wonders if she's marrying someone just like her father when her mother talks about her failed marriage.

Quote from Robin

Lily: Are you okay, Robin?
Robin: No, I'm not okay because apparently I am marrying my dad in a few hours.
Genevieve: Oh, sweetie, no, I'm sure that's not true. I mean, there's so much you don't know about your father. There were so many other red flags in our marriage. I mean, for instance, do you know that before he was engaged to me, he was engaged to marry an exotic dancer? Hello. Red flag.
Lily: Oh, Genevieve. Not good.
Genevieve: And, did you know that one time to impress women, he dressed up like a Prussian aristocrat, had a painting of himself made, and posed next to it in an art gallery? Can you imagine?
Lily: That's a rough one.
Genevieve: Darling, darling, the list goes on. He would always take his mother's side in arguments. He never checked with me before making plans. And our rehearsal dinner? Oh, boy, did we have it out right before our rehearsal dinner.
Lily: Thank you, Linus.
Genevieve: For the first 10 years I knew him, I didn't even know what your father did for a living. Every time I used to ask him, he'd say...
Lily: Please.
Genevieve: Yes, that's exactly what he used to say. How did you know that?

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Quote from Robin

Genevieve: Oh, darling. Come on. No, no, you're not marrying your father. Your father... I mean, let's just put it this way. Your father was a sociopath. He slept with over 20 women. And sure, you know, we were friends for years first and it was entertaining watching him lie to those poor girls to get inside their snow pants. But I should've known back then this was not husband material. I mean, even your Uncle Jim, you know, his gay black brother...
Lily: Will you shut up?

Quote from Ted

Ted: Now, a simple question. When Lily and Marshall are apart for an extended period of time what is the one thing Lily always does?
Marshall: Cry?
Barney: Masturbate?
Billy Zabka: Karate?
The Captain: Go sailing?
Ted: No. When Lily and Marshall are apart... for a long period of time... Lily... always... starts smoking again.
Marshall: That's true. She does.
Ted: Happened when she went to Paris in college. It happened when she moved to San Francisco and last week, it happened again. From the moment Marshall left for Minnesota, Lily's been secretly puffing down the ciggies like a 46-year-old grandma at a Reno slot machine. Problem was, come Friday morning she knew she'd have to quit again. Cold turkey. And it wouldn't be easy. She tried to make it a whole car ride without a fix, but couldn't. She pretended to be annoyed by perfectly reasonable things, like my stylish driving gloves and my appreciation of the historic Van Otterloop manse. All so she could have one last smoke on the train. But afterwards, her breath told the tale. And that's why, when she got to the hotel.. Lily... was chewing... gum. Lily never chews gum.

Quote from Ted

Barney: Great job, Ted. That's some pretty solid evidence. Gum.
Ted: Ha-ha-ha. Oh, Barney, my dear boy, I'm just getting started.
Billy Zabka: Getting started?
Ted: Lily knew that cigarette was probably her last for a while. She needed something to keep her calm,
so she headed to the bar. Any time you see me without a drink in my hand, you put a drink in my hand. Are you my guy, Linus? What followed was a long day-and-a-half for Lily. A really long day-and-a-half. It's kind of insane how much happened in just a day-and-a-half. Anyway, Marshall returned, they had a big fight, Lily stormed out. And that's when she realized, if she was gonna sneak one this weekend, this was her chance. And after that fight, boy did she need one. Only problem? She was all out. Now, it's 3 a.m. You need a cigarette. The only place is an EZ Pick five miles down the road. You have no car. What do you do? Go.
Billy Zabka: Dirt bike it.
Marshall: I can walk that far.
Barney: Masturbate.
The Captain: Take a boat.
Ted: What? A boat? Dude, she got a ride in your car, remember?

Quote from Ted

Ted: The problem was, Lily didn't want to smoke in front of her new employer. So when she arrived at the Captain's house, there was one possible course of action.
[flashback:]
Lily: Can I use your powder room?
[present:]
Ted: Now, you're Lily. You've just had a cigarette in your boss's powder room. What do you do with the cigarette butt? The window? Flush it?
Marshall: No, she wouldn't do either of those things. She's an environmentalist.
Ted: Stick it in your purse?
Billy Zabka: Marshall could find it there.
Ranjit: Throw it in the trash can?
Becky: The Captain would find it there.

Quote from The Captain

The Captain: Hide it in a boat.
Ted: A boat? How would that even...?
The Captain: I don't know. I just... I like boats.

Quote from Lily

Marshall: No. There's only one place that she would put it. The place where, eventually, it would decompose, and serve as a natural mulch. It's in the daisy.
Ted: And sure enough, if I dig around I am all but guaranteed to find... a pregnancy test.
Billy Zabka: You could smoke those?
[flashback to Lily throwing up in the train toilet:]
Lily: Oh, no.
[flashback to Lily at the Farhampton Inn bar:]
Linus: So, you want the Kennedy Package?
Lily: Bingo. One other little thing. When you do put a drink in my hand, let's make it non-alcoholic. There's a chance I might be pregnant. Okay, Linus, don't start popping the sparkling cider just yet. I'm just being cautious. I'll take a test when I get home. It can wait.
[flashback to Lily and Marshall arguing:]
Marshall: Are Marvin, and I and any other future children we may have just some consolation prize?
Lily: I have to get out of here.
[flashback to Lily about to leave the Farhampton Inn:]
Lily: It can't wait.
[flashback to Lily buying the pregnancy test and then going to The Captain's:]
Becky: Lily, what a lovely...
Lily: Can I use your powder room?
[in the bathroom:]
Lily: Two minutes. Here we go.
[present:]
Marshall: Guys, we need to go back to the hotel.

Quote from Marshall

Lily: I'm sorry, I was gonna tell you tonight.
Marshall: No. Oh, my God, no, it's fine. There's so much we have to do. You know, we have... We have to do research on hospitals in Italy, and we have to...
Lily: But we're not going to Italy.
Marshall: Of course we are. Lily, we have to do this. You're gonna live in Rome. And you're gonna get your dream, because... Because you're giving me mine. Again.
Lily: But there's gonna be all sorts of paperwork... And if she's born outside of the U.S. She can never become president...
Marshall: It's a girl?
Lily: Oh, I don't know. But in my mind, I kind of think she is.
Marshall: I love you so much.

Quote from Robin

Genevieve: Oh, darling. Oh, you're going to be fine. You know, for every marriage in the world like I had with your dad, you know, there's a marriage like those two in there. Marriage, it's... Oh, it's terrifying. It's like flying. You know, you're filled with this mortal dread. But if you find someone you feel safe with, it's like flying. But if you've got someone that you feel is really there for you, someone you can depend on, you're gonna be fine. Do you have someone like that?
Robin: I do.

Quote from Marshall

[one year later, all in Italian:]
Marshall: "C'mon, bro, don't bogart the Funyuns."
Lily: "I'm not bogarting them. There's another bag in the kitchen."
Marshall: "Lily, my darling. I'm the one who boxed up those Funyuns and shipped them here from New York. So it would be nice if you didn't eat them all."
Lily: "Who brings food to Italy? It's Italy!"
Marshall: "Then when are you eating my Funyuns?"
Lily: "You don't want me to eat your Funyuns? Fine. Let's take the kids to the square for some gelato."
Marshall: "Now you're talking. Mickey! Let's go get some gelato."
Mickey: "That's a great idea. I've got the kids in the stroller and everything. Principessa! We're going to get some gelato."
Judy: "You betcha."
Marshall: "My beautiful children. Good morning, Marvin. Good morning, Daisy."

Quote from Ranjit

Marshall: Well, it's official. I'm gonna be Judge Marshall Eriksen.
Ranjit: That is great. Can you help me get a driver's license?
Barney: Uh, what?

Quote from Marshall

Ted: No, no, no, wait. He has a point. You said yourself, it was her decision. Lily chose to give up her job and not move to Rome so you could be a judge.
Marshall: Yeah, but something seemed off. We had this big fight, and she stormed out. When she came back, she had totally, like, changed her mind.
Billy Zabka: Wait, what time was this?
Marshall: A little after 3 a.m., Billy Zabka. Why?
Billy Zabka: Well, last night, I was doing some late night dirt biking.
Marshall: Naturally. Continue.
Billy Zabka: And I ended up at that EZ Pick a few miles up the road. And, well...
[flashback to Billy Zabka eating a corn dog as he watches Lily emerge from a convenience store and get in a black car:]
Billy Zabka: That's odd. [people booing]
[present:]
Barney: You saw Lily getting into someone's car? I wonder who it was.
Marshall: What did the license plate say?
Billy Zabka: It said "Ahoy."
Marshall: The Captain. Lily's boss. He has a house out here.

Quote from Barney

Ted: Why was Lily getting into the Captain's car at 3 in the morning?
Barney: Guys, I hate to even say this, but do you think it's possible that I could eat six of these saltines in under a minute? Challenge accepted.

Quote from Robin

Robin: The saltine challenge? Now?
Lily: Heh. It's his wedding day. Guys do weird things on their wedding day.
Genevieve: Well, on my wedding day, Robin's father completely disappeared for about three hours. He just said, "I've gotta go and teach somebody some manners," and off he went. And then three hours later, he emerged from the woods with a dead elk slung across his shoulder. And I didn't even know that there were elk in Bermuda. But this Barney, he sounds like a fine young man.
Robin: Yes, he is.

Quote from The Captain

The Captain: [all singing] My gallant housekeeping crew, good morning
All: Sir, good morning
The Captain: I hope you are quite well
All: Quite well, and you, sir?
The Captain: I am in reasonable health, and happy to meet you all once... [doorbell rings] Oh, bother it. I'll get it.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Wait. Stop the duel.
Marshall: Oh, thank God. I mean, why?
Ted: Why? Because I just solved the mystery, that's why. Mosby Boys.
Barney: We agreed you wouldn't do that anymore.


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