Ted: We just had dinner with Stella's sister and her fiancé. They're getting married before us.
Stella: Okay, you know how you've dreamt about your perfect wedding day ever since you were a little girl?
Lily: Yeah.
Marshall: Totally.

Ted: [on the phone] Come on, you've got to come, it's my wedding.
Robin: I can't. I'm in Tokyo. It's my first week on the job. I can't just take off. Plus, I'm finally doing serious news.
[The camera pans out to reveal Robin is sitting next to a monkey and a bowl of marshmallows on the set of her Japanese news show]
Future Ted: [v.o.] Robin was doing serious news. It was the number one English news network in Japan. Of course, the news as a little different over there.
Man: [in Japanese] Giant Fan! [industrial-sized fan blows]
Robin: [on Japanese TV] The Federal Reserve Board voted to leave interest rates unchanged.

Robin: [on Japanese TV] Good evening.
Monkey: [gibbering]
Robin: And I'm Robin Scherbatsky. Peace talks were stalled once again in the Middle East. [the monkey throws marshmallows at Robin] Despite a promising start in the latest negotiations, talks foundered on security issues.

Barney: [off Lily's look] What?
Lily: No "Don't get married, Ted"? No "You're making a big mistake, Ted"? Barney Stinson, are you no longer committed to the war on marriage?
Barney: No, I just know a hopeless cause when I see it. It's the same reason I don't recycle. Plus, Ted getting married is in my best interest. [v.o.] You see, lately I've been working on a problem of the utmost importance. I confess I was stumped. Until one night I decided to tackle it once and for all.
[Barney at work writes an equation on a board titled "How can I have sex with Robin again?" Various words light up: VULNERABLE, NOSTALGIC, BOOZE]
Barney: [v.o.] Then, at last... I cracked the code. [GET HER DRUNK AT TED'S WEDDING]

Barney: I need alcohol. I'm not gonna get Robin with this stuff. Look at this. Berry Blaster Brain Revitalizer. My God, some of these drinks could actually make a girl smarter. What sort of hell has Ted brought us to?

Ted: Come on, it's not weird.
Stella: It is weird. It's like things are not finished between you two. And Tony, I can't talk with Tony right now. Can you please go out there and tell him to leave? You can make me the bad guy. I'll go talk to Robin, so she
knows it's nothing personal.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And kids, if I had just let Stella talk to Robin, this whole story might have ended differently.
[fantasy:]
Tony: I understand.
[fantasy]
Robin: I get it.
[fantasy]
Announcer: For the first time, Ted and Stella Mosby.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And that's how I met your mother.
[Fantasy scene of Stella with two blonde kids in Ted's future apartment:]
Stella: Blah, blah, blah. Is your dad finally done yakking? Now, come on, who wants ice cream?
Future Ted: But I didn't.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, sometimes you think you're living out one story, but the truth turns out to be something else entirely. At the time I thought the story was about whether Robin should be at the wedding. If only I'd understood what the real story was.
[flashback:]
Stella: Having exes around... I don't know, brings up... unresolved things.
[flashback:]
Stella: How do you know that that spark won't come back with your ex sitting out there? It's like things are not finished between you two.
[flashback]
Stella: I wasted years trying to get Lucy's dad to decide if he was ready for this.
[flashback]
Tony: Seeing you guys, it's made me realize everything I had.
[flashback]
Stella: I used to dream that Tony would be spontaneous like this.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Seriously, kids, never invite an ex to your wedding.

Stella: My sister is stealing my dream wedding. Down to every last detail. On Shelter Island, at Sunset,
[flashback to Ted, Stella, her sister and her fiance at dinner:]
Nora: ...just down the beach from my family's old summer house. It's my dream wedding.
Stella: [takes Ted's drink] I'm gonna finish this.
Ted: Uh, the lamb here is supposed to be great.
Nora: I'm a vegan. I wish I could tune out that moral voice inside me that says eating animals is murder, but I guess I'm just not as strong as you are.
Ted: That's 'cause you need protein. [to the waiter] I'll have the lamb.

Ted: Okay, new goal: I want our wedding to kick her wedding's ass. I want our wedding to take her wedding's head and shove it in the toilet and flush it, like, 20 times.
Lily: Ted, in high school, you were her wedding, weren't you?

Stella: You know, she's always trying to one-up me. I mean, I love her, but... there's a little part of me that kinda wishes this whole thing would just fall apart.
[later, Stella, Ted and Nora at dinner:]
Nora: I hate him. I hate him. I hate him! God, this steak is so good! Four days to go and he just runs off with the vitamin consultant from Whole Foods? I gave up makeup for him. I gave up showering for him. I gave up shaving my armpits for him.
Ted: Hard to imagine where it all went wrong.
Nora: And now it's so close to the wedding. There's like... bacon or something in this dipping sauce. I love it. I can't get any refunds. I'm gonna be out thousands of dollars.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, when you're in a relationship, you develop a kind of telepathy with your partner.
Stella: [telepathically] What do you think? We could help her out.
Ted: [telepathically] No, Stella, we should help her out. Let's pay for dinner.
Ted: [out loud] Nora. Don't worry. We got this.
Stella: That's right. We'll take over your wedding, pay you back for everything you spent. Ted and I will get
married this Sunday.
[Ted looks confused]