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34Quotes from ‘Disaster Averted’

How I Met Your Mother: Disaster Averted

709. Disaster Averted

Aired November 7, 2011

As the gang tell Kevin about what happened during Hurricane Irene, Barney is desperate to get out of wearing the ducky tie.

Quote from Marshall

Lily: So for the next two weeks he was basically a really clingy Edgar Allan Poe.
[flashback to Lily and Marshall's apartment:]
Marshall: The Grim Reaper beckons. I feel his icy grip around my throat, the breath of his hounds at my heels, the unrelenting rat-tat-tat of his scythe on my chamber door. And you, with your blithe request, you only hasten his inevitable triumph. Is that what you desire? Is that what you desire, Lily?

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Quote from Barney

[Barney runs down the street with two armed men chasing after him. A man wearing a Fez offers him a place to shelter:]
Man in Fez: Psst. In here!
Barney: I'm safe.
Man in Fez: [pulls gun] Not quite. The amulet, please, Mr. Stinson.
Barney: Why? [knocks the guy down]
Boy: Help! Help!
Barney: The kid.
Boy: Help!
Barney: Hang on, kid. Grab my tie.
Boy: But you're not supposed to take the tie off. You lost a bet with your friends Lily and Marshall which requires you to wear the tie for a full year.
Barney: If it means saving your life, I think they'll understand!
Boy: They sound like nice people!
Barney: Yeah, they are. Grab that... Come on. That's it.
Boy: Thanks, Mister. How can I repay you?
Barney: You can stay in school, that's how.
[A bird flies off the tie]
Barney: No!
[at MacLaren's:]
Barney: True story. But golly, I'm just gonna miss the heck out of that ducky tie. I really am.
Lily: Look what I just found in the trash.
Barney: No! [puts the tie back on]

Quote from Ted

Ted: Guys, guys, guys. This storm is serious. Luckily, you are friends with a former Boy Scout. And a Boy Scout is always what?
Robin: Unpopular?
Lily: Beaten up?
Barney: Going to the movies with his mom?
Ted: A Boy Scout is always prepared.
Robin: Prepared to spend lunch in his locker?
Marshall: Prepared to die a virgin?
Barney: Prepared to paint his sister's nails?
Ted: Prepared for emergencies!

Quote from Ted

Ted: That's why a week ago, when Irene was just a tropical depression-
Robin: You're a tropical depression.
Ted: This guy got us a disaster backpack, and a rental car that seats five, parked right outside. We're gonna drive up to my place in Westchester where we'll all be safe. Boy Scouted! You're welcome.

Quote from Marshall

[flashback to the gang at Barney's apartment:]
Ted: Marshall, you're with me, right?
Marshall: Sorry, old friend. But I can't afford to tempt fate.
[present:]
Marshall: Oh right, I was being really weird. I should explain. Last summer I quit my job. And then, a week before the hurricane...
[flashback to Lily and Marshall in their apartment:]
Marshall: Huh, my medical insurance just expired. That gives me two uninsured weeks before I'm added to your plan. It's no biggie. Ow! Paper cut. Death is all around us.

Quote from Barney

Barney: I'm staying.
Lily: What?! Barney?!
Barney: Hey, hey, it's going to get pretty crazy out there. And if some hot woman gets all her clothes blown off, and I'm not up here to videotape it and put it up on the Internet, who will, FEMA? Come on, open your eyes.

Quote from Barney

Ted: Ah, on a separate note, guys, this is Maya. I just met her out in the hall. We have a lot in common, such as our mutual love of country music, NASCAR and Jeff Foxworthy. Just go with it. She needed a ride out of the city, and we have an extra seat in the car, so... Okay, let's hit it!
Barney: Wow. It's come to this. You could help a friend, but instead, you're choosing the hot girl in the tight tank top. Your training is complete! I'm so proud of this kid! But seriously, the storm's coming in, so dump the hoochie and wheels up.

Quote from Barney

Kevin: Perhaps I can help. Marshall, ask yourself this question: why today? He hasn't said anything about that tie for weeks, and yet, suddenly today, he can't wear it another second? No, there's a reason. You've got something coming up. Something where you're on display, vulnerable... exposed. It's not work-related. No, this is relationship stuff. You're trying to impress someone. In the lie you told, you said you were being chased by two goons. So it's two people. A couple, perhaps. You're meeting Nora's parents tomorrow!
Barney: Wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! It's in two days, and I really want them to like me!
Ted: Oh-ho! Therapisted! Shrinked? Shrunk? We'll figure it out.

Quote from Barney

Marshall: Hey, Barney? Listen, um, we made a baby in your bathroom. So we owe you one. So we say... you can take off the ducky tie. For three slaps.
Barney: Three slaps?
Lily: And to be clear, this would add three slaps to Marshall's existing one, giving him four slaps in total.
Barney: Deal. I'm free! God, this feels so good! [Marshall lumbers up] This was a mistake! I wanna put the tie back on! I wanna put the tie back on! Why do I have to be Barney right now?
[Marshall slaps Barney]
Lily: Three slaps remaining!
Marshall: Three slaps. Wow, I like the sound of that. I think I'll save those bad boys, you know, for a rainy day.
Barney: Okay. The worst is over.
[Marshall slaps Barney]
Barney: Ah!
Lily: Two slaps remaining!
Marshall: It's all right. Hey, it's all done... for now.
Barney: I think I need to go home and reevaluate how I make life decisions.


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