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36Quotes from ‘Zoo or False’

How I Met Your Mother: Zoo or False

519. Zoo or False

Aired April 12, 2010

After Marshall is mugged, Lily considers getting a gun. Meanwhile, Robin wants to score a big interview on her show.

Quote from Barney

Ted: Okay, this may come as a shock to you, Barney, but people don't like to be lied to.
Barney: Wrong. They don't like finding out they've been lied to. "Because a lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth." Barney Stinson.

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Quote from Barney

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, you may be wondering how many of these stories I'm telling you are true. It's a fair question. After all, there's a fine line between a good story and a bald-faced lie. I've never met anyone who could work that line better than your Uncle Barney. Heck, he could jump rope with it.
[at MacLaren's:]
Barney: I love to travel myself.
Sarah: Really? Where's the best place you've visited?
Barney: Hawaii's nice. A buddy of mine lives in Seattle, that's a good spot. But the best place, I'd have to say the moon. Hi, Neil Armstrong.
[later, in the apartment:]
Ted: No! You did not convince a girl you were the first man to walk on the moon! That happened seven years before you were born.
Barney: Ted, baby doll, minor hurdle.
[flashback:]
Barney: Oh, yeah, well, our spaceship passed through a wormhole or some gamma rays or something. I started aging backwards, blah, blah, blah. So, you work in a yogurt shop, that must be wild.

Quote from Barney

Marshall: Although, I did actually work in a yogurt store in high school. And it was indeed wild.
Barney: Anywho, 20 minutes later, the eagle landed. We knocked space boots. Houston, we have a moaner. Other space related double entendres.

Quote from Marshall

Lily: Oh, my God! You got mugged?
Barney: Who mugged you? Was he wearing a black skull-knit cap and a five o'clock shadow? Did he say, "Stick them up"?
Marshall: Yes, Barney, because I got mugged in 1947, at the corner of Abbott and Costello.

Quote from Barney

Barney: The truth is, I'm afraid the three-way story didn't go exactly as I said it did.
[flashback to Barney chatting with Sarah and Lisa:]
Barney: Nailed it. Who's up for a three-way?
[The two ladies throw their drinks at him.]
Barney: Lisa, wait.
Lisa: Yes, Neil?
Barney: Oh, you're Lisa? Sarah, wait. Look, I'm not Neil Armstrong. I'm sorry I lied.
Sarah: Well, I guess I wasn't completely honest with you either. I mean, I said that I was 28, but the truth is that I'm really 31. And if we're being completely honest, I went to the doctor the other day and found out...
[present:]
Barney: Thirty-one! I was happy, very happy, thinking that I had nailed a 28-year-old with some sun damage. People want the lie, Marshall. They need the lie, which is why, as far as I'm concerned, you were mugged by a monkey. Just as sure as I had that three-way. I am the greatest in the world!


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