Barney Stinson: Legendary
A collection of quotes featuring Barney Stinson's most notable catchphrase, "Legendary!"
Robin: You have to go home and get to bed.
Barney: Oh, Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north, let me tell you about a little thing I like to call mind over body. You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story. Yeah, in two minutes, I'm going to pound a sixer of Red Bull, hop in a cab, play a couple of hours of laser tag, maybe get a spray-on tan. It's gonna be legen... Wait for it... [Barney falls asleep]
Barney: We're going to Sascha's.
Ted: Who the hell is Sascha?
Barney: Sascha. [points to security woman] She's having friends over for drinks at her house. It's gonna be legen- wait for it, and I hope you're not lactose intolerant 'cause the second half of that word is -dairy!
Barney: [slurring] A few final thoughts. Don't get married until you're 30. Play laser tag once a week. Give at least as many high fives as you get. Teacup pigs are lady magnets, but very hard to care for. Not worth the effort. The same goes for dogs and babies. And most importantly, whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary unless your friends are there to see it. Good luck, boys. Take care of the game for me.
Kyle: We will. Did you ever get his name?
Justin: No. What'd he give you?
Kyle: I don't know, but I think it's important. [Kyle holds a scrap of papers titled "The Playbook"]
Barney: Dude. Working together is gonna be legen... Wait for it. I'll send you an inter-office memo with the rest 'cause we freakin' work together!
Barney: Yes! Tonight is going to be legen- Wait, are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club? Shut up, Lily!
I'm in charge now - dary!
Lily: Nothing good ever happens after 2:00 a.m.
Barney: You know, I have found, in my travels, that all the best things in life happen after 2:00 a.m. When I look back at the best stories of my life: the Liberty Bell incident, the little scrape I got in at the Russian Embassy, the almost four-way.
Marshall: You never had a four-way.
Barney: I said "almost." All those things happened after 2:00 a.m. because after 2:00 a.m. is when things get - audience, say it with me - legendary.
Robin: [to Ted] Mr. Architect, big day for you tomorrow, huh?
Barney: Yeah, getting to stand next to me while I press the button. That is going to be legend... wait for it... dary adjacent. Legendary adjacent!
Lily: So, there's this big gallery opening tonight.
Robin: Oh, we'd love to, but we've got this...
Barney: Genesis reunion, Madison Square Garden, front row. It's gonna be legend...
Lily: I wasn't inviting you guys.
Barney: Oh, thank God. There is no concert. [rips tickets]
Barney: I didn't get your message until I woke up. Bro, I am so sorry.
Barney: I know it must be tough. But are you ready to hear something that will not only make you feel better, but will actively excite you?
Barney: For the first time ever, the three of us are single at the same time. I've dreamed about this day, boys, and it's going to be legendary! Together, we will own this city. Any time, a girl wants to get back at her ex-boyfriend, we'll be there. Anytime a girl wants to solve her father issues through promiscuity and binge-drinking, we will be there. Anytime a bachelorette party drives through the city in a limo sticking their heads out the sunroof, shouting "What's up New York?", we will be what is up New York! Gentlemen, we are about to embark on... [Barney looks at Robin, then Ted] Oh man, you guys did it, didn't you?!
Ted: Why do you have those suitcases, and who are we picking up?
Barney: I don't know. Maybe her? Or her.
Ted: Wait, so when you said you were going to "Pick someone up at the airport". You meant you were going to "pick someone up" at the airport.
Barney: [winks] Scenario. Couple of girls fly into town, looking for a fun weekend in NYC when they meet two handsome international business men just back from a lucrative trip to Japan. Sample dialogue, "You have a wheelie bag? Wh- I have a wheelie bag!"
Ted: You've gotta be kidding me.
Barney: False. Sidebar, tuck in your shirt. You look sketchy.
Ted: I'm sketchy?
Barney: Trust me, it's going to be legendary.
Ted: Don't say "legendary", okay? You're too liberal with the word legendary.
Barney: We're building an igloo in Central Park. It's gonna be legendary. Snow suit up!
Ted: Barney, we have to talk.
Barney: Sure. What's up?
Trish: Excuse me, Mr. Stinson.
Barney: Not now, Trish!
Trish: But there's an urgent memo for Mr. Mosby.
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: Hey, Ted. What's this I hear-slash-remember about you not wanting to see Robots vs. Wrestlers?
Ted: Yeah, it's just that I don't want to see it.
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: You don't...
Barney: I know.
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: He doesn't...
Barney: I know. Ted, trust us, it's gonna be legend... wait 20 years for it...
Marshall: Hi. Hey. Hi. Sorry, you don't know me, but I just wanted to say thank you. You're actually a very important person in my life.
Barney: Important? More like legendary. Marshall, it's me, Barney.
Barney: Yes! Look at us, hanging out again. This is amazing. This is awesome! This is... [screams]
Ted: Okay. Just settle down, buddy.
Barney: No! Settling down is for losers with kids who never go out anymore. I am in charge tonight, and the earliest I am allowing anyone to go home is... 2:00 a.m.
Lily: 10:00 p.m.
Barney: 3:00 a.m. Guys, tonight is gonna be legen... wait for it... [long pause]
Ted: If I leave now, I could put the kids to bed.
Lily: I'll get the check.
Barney: ..dary! Legendary! Guys, the gang is back! We're back! [yells]
Barney: [on the phone] MacLaren's is bore, snore. Ted, tonight we're going to go out. We're going to meet some ladies. It's going to be legendary. Phone-five! [high-fives the phone]
Future Ted: [v.o.] I had no idea why I hung out with Barney.
Barney: You didn't phone-five did you? I know when you don't phone-five, Ted.
Curtis: Well, aren't you two clever. Well, guess what, this museum has seen every kind of prank you can think of. Mummies playing poker, penguins sticking out of volcanoes, dinosaurs from the Cretaceous period hanging out with dinosaurs from the Jurassic period. One time a kid knocked down the blue whale. You name it...
Robin: I'm sorry. Did you say someone knocked down the blue whale?
Curtis: Oh no, not just someone. A six-year-old. Oh, yeah, that story is legend... [phone beeps] Hold on. ...dary.
Barney: Did you hear that, Ted? Dana works security at the Liberty Bell.
Dana: I do okay.
Barney: Wow, it must be really well cornered off over there. You ever go behind the rope and touch it?
Dana: Only all the time.
Barney: Ever, like, stick your head inside it?
Barney: Did you ever lick it?
Dana: Nope, I have never licked it.
Barney: Hmm... I bet nobody in history has ever licked the Liberty Bell! If someone were to pull that off I dare say it would be... what's the word?
Ted: Well, this is my stop.
Barney: Legendary, Ted. Legendary!
Ted: Wait. Blitz was there, too?
The Blitz: The Gentleman! The Gentleman! Oh, I was there for the whole thing. Something inside me just said "Grand Theft Auto" can wait a night.
Barney: It was legen - wait for Ted to leave, 'cause he's now The Blitz - dary. Legendary!
Barney: Actually, I'm okay. I found out I'll never trust someone enough to get married, and that's fine. My single life is, and always will be, legen... wait for it...
[a little ways down the road:]
Barney: dary! My wedding is gonna be legendary.
Arthur: So, prenup?
Barney: Not this time.
Robin: [enters] Oh, hey you. Ready for lunch?
Barney: Totally. [Barney and Robin kiss]
Ted: Look, there's no reason we should take this seriously, right?
Lily: Of course not. This is an old tape. Barney is happy with Robin.
Future Ted: [v.o.] But over the next couple of weeks, I started to notice things. Barney and Robin stopped having crazy adventures.
[at MacLaren's, where Barney is eating bar nuts throughout the conversation:]
Lily: So, what'd you guys do last night?
Robin: I wanted to go to a concert. He wanted to go to a party. Obviously, we couldn't do what just one of us wanted, so we just stayed in, watched a movie on cable.
Barney: It was Legen... Wait for it. ...ds of the Fall. Legends of the Fall! It was okay.
Barney: I'm really sorry about you and Robin. I know I was always joking around about wanting you two to break up, but you were really good together.
Ted: Yeah, we were. She just wasn't the one, you know?
Barney: The one. Oh, Ted, no. Do not tell me you're going to start searching for "the one" again. The only time I want to hear you saying "the one" is if it's followed by the word "hundredth." What up?
Ted: No, I need a break from all that, I... I just want to get out there and have fun for a while, you know?
Barney: Really? 'Cause... you know, you've been in a relationship for a year. You're going to... be a little rusty.
Barney: I'm just saying... you're gonna need, need, need some help out there.
Ted: Could be.
Ted: Yes, Barney.
Barney: Do you think... Do you think maybe you might need a wingman again?
Ted: I do.
Barney: Yes! Yes! We're back. We are back. And Ted, my boy, it's going to be legend... Wait for it...
Lily: So now we don't have a guardian.
Ted: You know, as your best friend, if called upon, I'd be honored to raise Marvin.
Robin: If you want him to be raised by his underwear on a flagpole, Ted's your guy. If you want him pulling the chord on some other nerd's panties, I'm your guy.
Barney: I'll teach that kid how to be awesome in ways you and Lily never could. It's going to be legend... wait for it - no, I won't wait for it and neither should little baby Marvin, so maybe it's better if you two just die right now - ...dary.
Barney: Okay, time for my stuff. Guys, I was sitting at home last night, and all of a sudden, I had a piphany. And my piphany was this...
Ted: Actually, it's, uh, it's "epiphany."
Barney: No, Ted, this is the piphany. And here it is: Make... every... night... legendary. Guys, we've had some pretty legendary nights. But we've also had some nights that weren't so legendary. Lookin' at you, "The Night Ted
Made Us All Watch Norbit".
Ted: Eddie Murphy as a fat lady. What's the problem?
Lily: That was Eddie Murphy?
Barney: The non-legendary nights are done. From here on in, every single night of our lives will be a night we'll never forget. Starting tonight. Who's ready for the longest, craziest adventure yet?! [Lily and Marshall bounce] Good. The weak have been weeded from our herd. You ready to rock and roll, Ted?
Ted: Yeah, I'm going home, too. I'm sensing some costumes coming up here and I'd rather steer clear.
Barney: Ted, 20 years from now, when you're all alone and I'm President, you're not gonna remember sitting around your apartment doing nothing. What you will remember is that tonight, this night... was The Night We Started a Mariachi Band! Uno, dos, tres, quatro!
Barney: You watch, Ted. Tonight is going to be legen- it's the night we stole a camel... which means it'll be
full of drama - dary. Dromedary!
Ted: I applaud your wordplay, but your core premise is flawed. Every night can't be legendary. If all nights are legendary, no nights are legendary.
Barney: See, Ted, that attitude right there, that's why I'm in the lead.
Ted: What do you mean, in the lead?
Barney: I'm talking about the game of life, Ted. Scoreboard. Better wardrobe. 75 points. Apartment on a higher floor. 90 points. Longer name. 110 points.
Ted: Sorry. Did you just make up this point system?
Barney: Made up the point system. 114 points. And ten points to you for pointing that out. Nice job, Ted. 15 points to me for being gracious enough to give you those ten points. But here's the point, Ted. Every time I go out and have an awesome night and you're not there, that's another 100 points in my column. So yeah, I'm in the lead.
Ted: Barney, the fact that I can stay home for a night shows that I have inner peace and that I don't feel the need to keep score. That's worth like 1,000 points right there, so at the very least, we're tied.
Barney: We're so not tied. Although you know what is tied: the strap of my girlfriend's bikini. Except when it's not,
'cause she's a stripper. One million points! Game. Shh. It's over. It's done. It's done.
Barney: Model. Model.
Woman #1: Hi.
Barney: I know, right? This party is legend- Wait for it... [long silence]
Woman #2: Uh, how long do we have to wait for it?
Woman #1: I think he's having a stroke.
Barney: That was us. We made that happen. We're pretty cool.
Robin: And, you know, a week from today, we are going to be legend... wait for it...
Barney: Robin Scherbatsky, I love you so damn much.
Robin: I love you, too, Barney Scherbatsky. That sounds good. Think about it.
Barney: Which is why nothing, not even God himself- Yeah, I said it, Beardy - is going to stand in the way of tonight being legend... Wait for it. [sneezes] Uh-oh.