Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, in the spring of 2008 something kind of strange had been happening to your uncle Barney. He'd be doing great with a woman.
Barney: So I threw the pressure air oxygen into its mouth. I shoot the tank, boo, no more shark. Mr. Holland and I swam back to shore. Hey, let me serve you a drink.
Future Ted: He's only been gone a few moments but when he return...
Barney: So where were we?
Ted from 2030: He'd get slapped! It kept happening... Until finally, Lily was approached by a mysterious woman who wants her stay away from Barney. So when it happened once more...
Barney: Again? Really? Wait...
Future Ted: [v.o.] Barney knew who to look for...
[Barney chases after a blonde woman who was leaving MacLaren's:]
Barney: Hey, excuse me. Did I sleep with you and then totally screw you over?
Woman: No.
Barney: What are you doing on Friday?

Marshall: So, uh, I just met with the contractor. and it turns out that fixing the floors of the new apartment is going to cost a lot more than the estimate.
Lily: But we can barely afford that to begin with.
Marshall: I hate to say this, but I think you're going to have to sell your stuff.
Lily: Whoa! Marshall, that's just a game we play in the bedroom.

Abby: Well, it hurt, okay? And then Ted, the love of my life started dating my boss instead of me. Do you know how that feels?
Barney: Oh, boo-hoo, poor little Ashley.
Abby: Abby!
Barney: Abby. A few weeks ago, Ted dumped me as his wingman. You had a crush on him for a couple weeks? I was Ted's best friend for seven years.
Abby: Ted said Marshall was his best friend.
Barney: Seven years!

Barney: Ted. What an idiot. With his stupid "meaningful relationship" with Stella.
Abby: I hate Ted.
Barney: I hate Ted more.
Abby: Are you as turned on as I am?
Barney: Probably not quite as much.
[later, in Abby's bed:]
Abby: I'm sorry I yelled out "Ted."
Barney: I'm sorry I yelled out "Abby."
Abby: I am Abby.
Barney: Oh, cool.

Marshall: Lily, come on. I'm proud of you. Who- Who bought it?
Lily: Well, that's the best part. A gay couple without kids. A G-CWOK!
Ted: You bagged a G-CWOK?!
Lily: Yeah, that's right. They are the heart and soul of the art-buying community.
Ted: You know what you should do? You should call up the G-CWOKs and offer them a free painting if they throw a private art party for all their G-CWOK friends.
Lily: That's an amazing idea. I'm going to go call them. I can probably sell two more paintings with time to spare. Oh, wait, Marshall. There was something I had to tell you. What was it? Oh, that's right. Suck it.

[As Barney jumps across the windscreen of a cab to stop and talk to the blonde woman:]
Barney: Stop! Amy?
Abby: Abby.
Barney: Right.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, sometimes you can do something right a thousand times in a row...
Lily: [to a girl] A rainbow! That's beautiful! [cut] What a beautiful rainbow! [cut] Another rainbow? It's beautiful!
Future Ted: But then, that thousand-and-first time...
Lily: You're kidding me. Seriously, aren't you sick of these things? Uh-oh.

Ted: Hey, how was your day?
Lily: Today, I yelled at a little girl for painting a rainbow.
Ted: A rainbow? Sounds like that bitch had it coming.

Marshall: I mean your clothes. All those designer pieces and everything.
Lily: What? Why just my clothes?
Marshall: We can sell my stuff, too, but I got to tell you, I think your Marc Jacobs cocktail dress is going to go for a lot more than my "Split Happens" bowling shirt.
Ted: Dude.
Marshall: I'm not selling that.

Marshall: I've already made the website.
Lily: You made a Website?
Marshall: Yeah, it's called "LilyAndMarshallSellTheirStuff.com."
Lily: No, you know what would be a better name for the site? GuyForcesHisWifeToDressInAGarbageBagForTheNextThreeYears.com Whoa, that's real.
Marshall: I'm worried. That woman is actually wearing a garbage bag.
Lily: Hmm, but, girlfriend, you cannot pull off a tall kitchen.