Marshall: I had no idea that food could be this delicious.
Ranjit: Marshall, you are being crazy.
Marshall: No, no, I can handle it. If I sell my laptop, we can get seconds on those squash blossoms.
Ranjit: I mean about Lily.
Marshall: Well, you know, she's being crazy, too.
Ranjit: She's pregnant. She gets to be crazy. You have to be the sane one.
Marshall: So what, I don't get to be crazy again until the baby comes?
Ranjit: No. Then it's baby's turn to be crazy.
Marshall: When do I get to be crazy again?
Ranjit: Never. [laughs]

Ted: How we doing on time? Taxi!
Stella: We got a little time.
Ted: Okay. Do you want to walk it?
Stella: Why not?
Ranjit: Hello! [Ted taps the roof of the taxi] Good-bye!

Marshall: Ranjit, would you please put up the partition?
Ranjit: Partition going up.
[As the partition goes up to about 80%:]
Marshall: You had a sex dream about Ranjit!
Ranjit: Hello.
Marshall: Ranjit!
Ranjit: Sorry.
[Ranjit raises the partition fully]
Lily: Okay, yes, I did, but it didn't mean anything.
Marshall: Okay, well, what happened in this dream? And I want to know everything. Every explicit detail. Don't leave out any... [Marshall realizes the partition is fully lowered] Damn it, Ranjit!
Ranjit: Sorry.

Robin: Bar-Barney's getting engaged?
Ted: He asked me to keep it a secret, but I thought you deserved to know... in case you wanted to do something about it. Do you?
Ranjit: [o.s.] Do you, Robin?
Ted: Ranjit, a little privacy, please?
Ranjit: [o.s.] Sorry, not listening.

Marshall: This is by far the drunkest I've ever seen you. Uh, driver.
Ranjit: Hello!
Marshall: Ranjit! Hey, can we make a stop before we head back to the hotel?
Ranjit: You do not have to stop. You can be together as man and wife right back there, and because we are friend I will not watch.

Ted: So there's no roof party?
Barney: Oh, no. There is. We're just not going. This is how good a friend I am. They want you to spent your 30th standing around drinking flat beer ten feet above your living room. But not me, bro. I pulled out all the stops. Private jet, Valderrama suite at the Bellagio. Steaks at BOA, scotch at Ghost Bar, then two ringside seats to watch Floyd Mayweather go ten rounds with, wait for it... a grizzly bear!
Ted: Take me home, Barney.
Barney: No! We have to go to Vegas. Look, Ted, I didn't want to say this, but... There's something that I have to tell you, and I wanted you to be in the best possible frame of mind before you heard it.
Ted: You slept with Robin. [limo suddenly breaks, the divider comes down] Ranjit!
Ranjit: You slept with Robin? Barney, that is Ted's ex-girlfriend! [angrily speaks foreign language]

Ted: She's gonna tell some bogus story about a cooking class because she's embarrassed we met online.
Marshall: Ay, Chihuahua.
Ted: What? There's no stigma anymore.
Robin: Oh, there's a stigma. That's why people always say [cheerily] there's no stigma anymore.

Lily: Ranjit!
Ranjit: Hello.
Rachel: Uh, I'm Rachel Sondheimer.
Ranjit: Wait a minute, Lily. If you are getting off the plane, where is Marshall? And where is your six-pack?
Lily: That's the problem. I have to get to Brewniverse in East Meadow in an hour.
Ranjit: To the Town Car! [hands Rachel her sign and leaves]

Ryan: Here she is. "Supersonic Tonic."
Lily: No. This is a keg. I need a six-pack.
Ryan: A keg's all I got.
Lily: We'll take the keg.
Ranjit: What? Oh, no. Last time I had one of these in the car, I wound up chipping dried vomit off the seat with a putty knife.
Lily: I'm sorry, Ranjit, but this is a ritual and I am bringing him this beer. [struggles to lift the keg] If you could just put it in the car... I'll give you 50 bucks.
Ranjit: To the Town Car. [picks up the keg with ease and runs out of the store]

[flashback to Marshall and Lily having a double date with another couple:]
Marshall: Tonight was fantastic. We should do it again.
Ranjit: I'm sorry, Marshall, but Falguni and I are just not that into you. And you.