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38Quotes from ‘Glitter’

How I Met Your Mother: Glitter

609. Glitter

Aired November 15, 2010

Barney finds a tape of the Canadian kids show "Space Teens" starring Robin Sparkles. Meanwhile, Lily fears losing Robin once she has a baby, and Ted's high school friend Punch comes to town.

Quote from Robin

Robin: Okay, fine, I'll watch it with you.
Barney: Yeah!
Robin: But if either of you makes even one peep about the show being dirty, I'm turning it off. I'm serious.
[on Space Teens:]
Robin Sparkles: Hey Jessica, how's your beaver?
[in the apartment, Ted and Barney spit take]
Jessica Glitter: Great. How's your beaver?
Robin Sparkles: Busy as ever!
[Ted and Barney stifle laughter]
Robin: Our characters had pet beavers.
Ted: [giggles] Sure.
Robin: The beaver is the official animal of Canada. It's our national mascot.
Barney: It's a noble creature.

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Quote from Robin

[on Space Teens:]
Alan Thicke: Okay, girls. Everyone knows a beaver's favorite food is wood. I just hope we brought along enough of it for our three-day galactic space journey. So let's do the math. If Robin's beaver devours six inches of wood every half hour, and Jessica's beaver devours eight inches of wood every 45 minutes, how much wood will I need to keep both of these beavers well-fed all weekend long?
[Ted and Barney burst out laughing]
Robin Sparkles: While you figure it out at home, how about [aboot] we sing you a song about [aboot] our beavers?

Quote from Barney

Barney: [scoffs] Seriously, dude, he has got to go. You need to be like, [as Anne Robinson] You are the weakest link. Goodbye. [as Jeff Probst] Punchy, the tribe has spoken. [as Padma Lakshmi] Please pack up your knives and go. [as China Chow] Your work of art didn't work for us. [as Flavor Flav] Your time's up. [as Mike Richards] I have to ask you to leave the mansion. [as Alex McLeod] You must leave the chateau. [as Bret Michaels] Your tour ends here. [as Ted Allen] You've been chopped.
Ted: Okay, yeah. I know.
Barney: [as Julie Chen] You've been evicted from the Big Brother house. [as Gail Simmons] Your dessert just didn't measure up. [as RuPaul] Sashay away. [as Gordon Ramsay] Give me your jacket and leave Hell's Kitchen.
[as Chris Harrison] I'm sorry, you did not get a rose. [as Phil Keoghan] You have been eliminated from the race. [as Tyra Banks] You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model. [as Donald Trump] You're fired. [as Heidi Klum] Auf Wiedersehen.

Quote from Barney

Marshall: Oh, you're wearing a flower.
Barney: Thank you.
Marshall: Didn't compliment. Just observed.
Barney: I know. Isn't it?
Robin: Why are you wearing that?
Ted: Why does Barney do anything ever?
Barney: Exactly. Science. There is an 83% correlation between the times men wear boutonnieres and the times they get laid. Hmm. Think about it. Proms, weddings, grandmas' funerals. Thanks for the redhead, Nana. The "everyday boutonniere" by Stinson.

Quote from Robin

Robin & Jessica Glitter: [singing] Two beavers are better than one Dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah Two beavers are better than one They're twice the fun Ask anyone A second beaver Can be second to none
Robot: Two beavers are better than one.

Quote from Robin

Robin: Barney, you know what? If you're going to be disgusting, we're not watching this, okay?
Lily: Yeah. Come on, Barney. It's just a cute little story about... What exactly is this about?
Robin: Oh, two average Canadian teenagers who solve crimes in space using math.
Marshall: That sounds ridiculous.
Robin: So sue me. Like the producers of Milky Way Mathletes tried to.

Quote from Robin

Jessica Glitter: [singing] Hey, beaver, come on When you feel alone Just pick up that phone And I'll be there
to share my
Robin & Jessica Glitter: Ice cream cone We'll lick it side by side
Barney: Wow. This is so dirty.
Marshall: Come on, Barney. It's a sweet song about friendship.
Ted: Yeah, dude, come on.
Robin & Jessica Glitter: Day is done Two beavers are better than one Dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah Two beavers are better than one They're twice the fun Ask anyone A second beaver can be second to none Two beavers are better than one.
[The Canadian flag unfurls behind Robin and Jessica]
Robin & Jessica Glitter: Dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah... You're my favorite beaver...

Quote from Lily

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, in the fall of 2010, it seemed like Aunt Lily could only talk about one thing: babies.
Robin: Oh, God, I have been craving this burger all day.
Lily: Do you know what plays a huge role in helping a woman conceive?
Robin: Hmm.
Lily: Cervical mucus.
Robin: [gags]
[later, Robin and Lily are in the apartment together:]
Robin: Oh, my God, I can't wait to see this movie. I hear it's really scary.
Lily: Oh, change of plans. I thought violent images wouldn't be good for my future fetus, so instead, I rented this
video of a live water birth. [splashing on TV]
Robin: [screams]
[later, Robin and Lily are in the kitchen together:]
Robin: They don't know what it is. It just showed up on my mom's X-ray.
Lily: Look at this crib.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Robin, did you know that boutonniere is French for "bootie is near?"
Robin: Hmm.
Barney: True story. Une histoire vraie.

Quote from Barney

Robin: Did you know that Barney is French for "sad little guy who works way too hard to get laid""
Barney: Woman, you best check yourself.
Robin: Yeah, on the bright side, I guess suits are pretty boring without them, so...
Barney: [gasps] Madam, that is an insult that cannot be borne! I demand satisfaction!
Robin: What, are we gonna duel?
Barney: No. I'm going to show everyone this embarrassing video of you. It's Robin Sparkles III, y'all!

Quote from Barney

Ted: I don't know. This does have all the earmarks of porn. Stripper pole, bad lighting, delusional girl who thinks it's a stepping stone to mainstream success.
Barney: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a big old bowl of pornflakes.

Quote from Robin

[on Space Teens:]
Jessica Glitter: Great job using long division to catch that space burglar, eh?
Robin Sparkles: Well, what can I say? He'll be in galactic jail for the remainder of his life.
Robot: Sparkles, Glitter, we're about to enter an asteroid belt, eh.
Jessica Glitter: [gasps] Brace for turbulence!
Both: [jiggling around] Oh. Oh.

Quote from Robin

[on Space Teens:]
Alan Thicke: Girls, if you want to get through the asteroid belt, you've got to use multiplication. To the joystick!
[Robin Sparkles and Jessica Glitter grab hold of a particularly phallic-shaped joystick while Alan Thicke instructs them on a video screen:]
Alan Thicke: Okay, Space Teens, let's multiply! Five times six?
Robin: Oh. 30.
Alan Thicke: Yes! Seven times four?
Jessica Glitter: 28!
Alan Thicke: Keep going! Eight times nine?
Robin: 72!
Alan Thicke: Don't stop now! Almost there! 23 times three?

Quote from Ted

Robin: No.
Ted: We've been waiting all day!
Robin: Just watch it without me.
Barney: Two dudes on the couch together watching porn? That's kind of weird.
Robin: Okay, it's not porn, it's a kids' show.
Ted: Two dudes watching a kids' show might be worse.

Quote from Barney

Ted and Barney: Hey!
Robin: No! You don't get to hear the beaver song! It is a sweet song about friendship, and you guys are being disgusting, and beavers are adorable!
Barney: No arguments here.

Quote from Lily

Marshall: Look, Lily. Robin is clearly getting tired of you constantly talking about babies.
Lily: I don't.
[The men all groan]
Marshall: Lily, how old am I?
Lily: 384 months.

Quote from Lily

Jessica Glitter: So, is this the one who's best friends with Robin now?
Lily: [groans] More like ex-best friends. Just like you.
Jessica Glitter: Sorry [surry] to hear that. [plays "The Chicken Dance"] I miss Robin.
Lily: Yeah, well, Marshall and I are about to get pregnant, and I know she stopped being friends with you when you had a baby, so...
Jessica Glitter: Oh, Robin didn't stop being friends with me. I stopped being friends with her.
Lily: What? Why?
Jessica Glitter: Because I had a baby. Honey, when you have a baby, all that best friend stuff - hockey,
bow hunting for caribou, math - that all goes out the window. I mean, I tried to stay friends with her, but it just didn't happen. She took it pretty hard. I even thought she might try to kill herself. [plays "Charge!"]
All: Charge!
Lily: Wow. You dumped her just because you had a baby? That's cold.
Jessica Glitter: Didn't you do the same thing? Minus the baby?
Lily: Oh, God. I gotta go. I gotta go apologize to Robin. I need to tell her I love her, and that she'll always be a priority.
Jessica Glitter: Be careful, Lily. I made those promises, too. And now I haven't even talked to her in five years. Sure, I thought about [aboot] picking up the phone and calling her a hundred times, but I just never have
the courage to actually...
[Marshall plays "Chopsticks" on the organ]
Jessica Glitter: Hey. Go ahead. [Marshall plays one more note]


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