How I Met Your Mother Quote of the Day

Friday, April 12, 2024

Quote from Lily in Drumroll, Please

Lily: So, that's what happened to the bouquet. You know, good for Victoria. It's such an evil tradition.
Ted: You're not gonna do it at your wedding?
Lily: Oh, yeah, I'm gonna take that flower grenade and chuck it into the crowd and scream, "Crawl for it, bitches!" It's just what girls do.

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Recent Quotes

Thursday, April 11, 2024

Quote from Barney in Definitions

Ted: MacLaren's Bar, four years ago...
[flashback to MacLaren's four years ago. Ted and Barney are both wearing tuxedos:]
Barney: How do you keep a girl from becoming your girlfriend? Simple, the rules for girls are the same as the rules for gremlins.
Ted: Gremlins?
Barney: Gremlins. Rule number 1, never get them wet. In other words, don't let her take a shower at your place. Number 2, keep them away from sunlight. I.e., don't ever see them during the day. And rule number 3, never feed them after midnight. Meaning she doesn't sleep over and you don't have breakfast with her ever.

Wednesday, April 10, 2024

Quote from Robin in Brunch

Virginia Mosby: Robin, dear, did I say something to upset you?
Robin: Why don't you want me to have your grandkids?
Virginia Mosby: Do you want to have my grandkids?
Robin: No! I mean, I don't know. I just... I want you to want me to want to have your grandkids. And you should. I'm a genetic gold mine. No family history of diabetes or heart disease. Everyone has nonporous teeth and perfect eyesight. I had one schizophrenic uncle but even he had perfect vision. Which was unfortunate for the people around the bell tower he was in, but still he was a very fine man, and...

Tuesday, April 9, 2024

Quote from Marshall in Big Days

Marshall: Lily, we have been looking forward to this magical, special night for two weeks now. And, sweetie, during that time, I have been, um... How do I put this delicately? Saving all my love for you.
Lily: I have read 11 books on conception. I have cut out alcohol, caffeine and sugar. I take my temperature every hour. But good for you for not playing with yourself.
Ted: I feel you, buddy.
Marshall: Ah, no. Ah. Don't even touch me, dude. It's been, like... It's been two weeks. I'm, like, a light breeze away from having a big problem. Seriously. [looks at Robin picking her teeth] Okay, I'm better now.

Monday, April 8, 2024

Quote from Ted in Slapsgiving

Future Ted: [v.o.] Back when we were dating, Robin and I had this running joke. We were the only two people in the world who found it funny.
Barney: No way! March does not have 31 days.
Marshall: Yes, it does! Everyone knows that. It's like general knowledge.
Ted & Robin: [salute] General knowledge.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And we did it all the time.

Sunday, April 7, 2024

Quote from The Mother in Bass Player Wanted

Marshall: Hey, thanks again for picking us up. It's been a crazy couple days. You can't imagine what we've been through.
The Mother: Wait, let me guess. You were visiting a relative? Maybe your mother? And I'm getting a Midwest vibe, somewhere like Wisconsin... [Marshall scoffs] No. Minnesota?
Marshall: Wow, you're, like, really good at this.
The Mother: You're planning an overseas trip with your wife. I'm seeing a feisty redhead who loves art. She just got a job in Europe. Maybe France? No. Italy? Total shot in the dark, but Rome?
Marshall: Maybe I'll just like... I'll get out right here.
The Mother: You're not going anywhere. No, I'm just messing with you. I rode the train with your wife. She told me all about you. You must be Marshall.

Saturday, April 6, 2024

Quote from Barney in Intervention

[Barney arrives in the apartment dressed as an old man:]
Barney: What the...?
Robin: Barney, this is an intervention.
Barney: I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
Marshall: All right, enough with the "old man" bit.
Barney: What about the old sand pit?
Lily: Let it go.
Barney: "Let it snow"? I love that old ditty!
Ted: I'm getting my flail.
Barney: You're setting sail?

Upcoming Quotes

Saturday, April 13, 2024

A quote from Barney in the episode Brunch.

Sunday, April 14, 2024

A quote from The Captain in the episode Romeward Bound.

Monday, April 15, 2024

A quote from Ted in the episode The Platinum Rule.

Tuesday, April 16, 2024

A quote from Marshall in the episode Bad News.

Wednesday, April 17, 2024

A quote from Robin in the episode Little Boys.