How I Met Your Mother Quote of the Day

Saturday, July 4, 2020

Quote from Robin in Ten Sessions

Ted: So we got off to a rocky start. That may be a problem for some guys, but I get better over time. Right? I'm not some Top 40 song... easily digestible. I'm complex. I require time and multiple listens. I'm Stairway to Heaven.
Robin: Wow, Roger Daltrey just rolled over in his grave. That's not the right guy, is it? He's not even dead, is he?

Recent Quotes

Friday, July 3, 2020

Quote from Lily in Hopeless

Barney: Uh, Lily, uh, talk about your open marriage.
Lily: Okay. Well, after a long day of style meetings and photo shoots, and being way too mean to my assistant, I sometimes bang an underwear model.
Jerry: My goodness.
Marshall: I sleep around too. Just as much. A little more even.
Lily: Oh, uh, only 'cause you have nothing to do all day.
Marshall: Are we having this fight again? Writing plays is a real job!
Lily: I work 90 hours a week subsidizing your "real job."
Marshall: I won a Tony!
Lily: I brought French cooking to America!
Marshall: What?

Thursday, July 2, 2020

Quote from Barney in Columns

Lily: Okay, let's get this over with.
Barney: Hey, hey! I don't want you phoning this in. This painting could, someday, become a serious work of art. I mean, you have been blessed with an amazing gift.
Lily: Thank you.
Barney: I meant me. Now, I like how you captured Marshall's essence. Goofy and unburdened, with wit. But me, I want something more regal. Something my progeny could look at and say, "There's stands Barnabus Stinson." He was wise... [picks up sword] and strong.
Lily: I don't think your sword will fit.
Barney: I get that a lot.

Wednesday, July 1, 2020

Quote from Robin in Intervention

Lily: Marshall, this is an intervention.
Barney: It's about the hat.
Marshall: [scoffs] What? No. I have it under control, okay? I can take it off whenever I want to.
Robin: "Dear Marshall, I do not like that stupid hat. I want to beat it with a bat. Or maybe stab it with a fork. It makes you look like such a dork."

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Quote from Marshall in Arrivederci, Fiero

Ted: [v.o.] The next few hours of our drive were classic road trip.
[The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" plays repeatedly:]
Ted: So... this song.
Marshall: Oh, it's the best song in the world. It's the only song I like. Just kidding. Tape's been stuck in the player for, like, two years. Better than nothing, though.
Ted: Maybe.
[Ted and Marshall enthusiastically singing the "ta-da-da-ta" part of the song]
Ted: I am so... sick... of this song.
Marshall: Don't worry. It comes around again.
Ted: What do you mean?
Ted and Marshall singing: [singing] Just to be the man who walks 1,000 miles And falls down at your door...

Monday, June 29, 2020

Quote from Ted in The Autumn of Break-Ups

Victoria: There's a reason that you're not a hundred percent in this with me, Ted. Something's holding us back.
Ted: Well, what is it? I think we've established I'm not great at picking up on clues... Well, in this situation. As a kid, I was known as a bit of a detective. In fact, when my friend's retainer went missing, the Mosby Boys were put
on the case, and it was...
Victoria: The retainer was in the garbage. The Mosby Boys were you, your sister, and a neighborhood squirrel you thought you had tamed.
Ted: I can't believe Squirrel-lock Holmes turned on us like that. Eight weeks of training down the drain.

Sunday, June 28, 2020

Quote from Ted in Bagpipes

Future Ted: [v.o.] In the fall of 2009, a new couple had just moved in upstairs.We had not met but you could hear all the time. They were always... Well, kids, let's just say they were always "playing the bagpipes."
Robin: Okay, this is ridiculous. I can't believe those two are still bagpiping.
Ted: I know. It's been six hours. Must be that Tantric bagpiping that Sting is into.
Robin: She keeps yelling out for him to play the bagpipes harder, but it sounds like he's bagpiping her pretty hard. There's a glass of water in my bedroom that's vibrating like Jurassic Park.
Ted: You have neighbors! Shut the bagpipes up!

Upcoming Quotes

Sunday, July 5, 2020

A quote from Lily in the episode Baby Talk.

Monday, July 6, 2020

A quote from Ted in the episode The Final Page (Part 2).

Tuesday, July 7, 2020

A quote from Marshall in the episode Disaster Averted.

Wednesday, July 8, 2020

A quote from Robin in the episode Intervention.

Thursday, July 9, 2020

A quote from Barney in the episode Showdown.