How I Met Your Mother Quote of the Day

Saturday, September 26, 2020

Quote from Robin in Little Boys

[Doug eats his cereal as Robin reads the newspaper at the dining table]
Doug: What are you reading?
Robin: The business section. The Fed's gonna lower rates again to bail out these subprime lenders, bunch of idiots.
Doug: Miss Aldrin says it's not nice to call people names.
Robin: Well, maybe if they weren't such idiots, I wouldn't have to call them that.
Doug: That's what I said. You're pretty cool.
Robin: You too.

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Recent Quotes

Friday, September 25, 2020

Quote from Lily in Karma

Lily: Now, I got you a journal. I know this sounds lame, but it really helps work through stuff to write about it.
Robin: Oh. "Dear Diary. The fantasies of killing Marshall's mom have become more vivid. Today, I scalped her with a..."
Lily: Whoops, that one's mine.

Thursday, September 24, 2020

Quote from Barney in Benefits

Marshall: Nobody likes to read a magazine at work and if they say that they do, then they're not human.
Barney: Dude, I read a magazine at work every day. I can't tell you how many meetings I've been late to because I was busy "reading a magazine." But I don't feel bad about it. That's my time. Sure, "reading a magazine" ain't pretty, but, you know, it's something I gotta do. So why be ashamed about it? Wait, "reading a magazine" means masturbating, right?

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Quote from Robin in Bachelor Party

Lily: Oh. And this one's from... Grandma Lois.
Grandma Lois: Oh. No, wait, darling. Before you open this, I-I want to say a few words.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Okay, something you need to know. Grandma Lois thought she was giving her granddaughter an antique sewing machine. And we're back in.
Grandma Lois: Honey, this handy little device has been in our family for generations. I used it, your great grandmother used it. Now, her mother didn't use this one, but she used one just like it. Of course, back then, they were made out of wood. And, uh, I guess before that, you just had to do it by hand.
Janice: Would you pass the wine, please?
Robin: No.

Tuesday, September 22, 2020

Quote from Marshall in Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap

Robin: Wait, Marshall, you realize you'll only have one left after this. Are you sure you want to spend this slap today?
Marshall: Life is short. I figured, Slap-e Diem. Rule number one: the slap must occur before sundown, so as not to interfere with Lily's meal. Two, you have to decide amongst yourselves who gets to do it. Three, we're going to tie Barney to this chair, which shall henceforth be referred to as the slapping throne. Sound fair?

Monday, September 21, 2020

Quote from Ted in Vesuvius

[the year 2024:]
Curtis: I'm sorry, did I hear you talking about The Wedding Bride?
Ted: Oh, God.
Curtis: The movie or the smash Broadway musical?
Ted: Smash? Oh, oh. Oh, I guess a show's a smash now if it closes after only 96 weeks.
The Mother: So my husband's ex-fiancee's husband wrote the screenplay for The Wedding Bride. Jed Mosely was based on Ted.
Ted: Okay, Jed was not based on me.
[movie scene:]
Jed Mosely: Hey, that is not a toy, you ragamuffin! That is an authentic flail I won at the renaissance faire.
[back:]
Ted: Entirely.

Sunday, September 20, 2020

Quote from Robin in The End of the Aisle

Patrice: You've never looked more beautiful, Robin.
Robin: [quietly] Nobody asked you, Patrice.

Upcoming Quotes

Sunday, September 27, 2020

A quote from Marshall in the episode Subway Wars.

Monday, September 28, 2020

A quote from Ted in the episode Columns.

Tuesday, September 29, 2020

A quote from Marshall in the episode Three Days Of Snow.

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

A quote from Robin in the episode Slapsgiving.

Thursday, October 1, 2020

A quote from Barney in the episode Weekend at Barney's.