How I Met Your Mother Quote of the Day

Tuesday, December 1, 2020

Quote from Marshall in Mystery Vs. History

Barney: You guys have to see this.
Lily: No. We're with Ted on this. We don't want to find out about Janet, just like we don't want to find out about the baby.
Marshall: Because we like mystery, whether it's the hairy majesty of Bigfoot, or the bloodsucking ferocity of the Chupacabra, or the gender of our little miracle.
Lily: Thanks for putting those together in the same sentence, sweetie.

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Recent Quotes

Monday, November 30, 2020

Quote from Ted in The Best Man

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, if there's one big theme to this story - and I swear, we're totally, almost, not really all that close to the end - it's timing. Timing is everything. For example, I never would met your mother if it weren't for a wedding. The last wedding I ever thought I'd be at.
Barney: What do you think of this tie?
Ted: Oh, thank God. Barney Stinson needs you right before his wedding, you assume there's at least one dead hooker in the closet, right? [laughs, opens closet]

Sunday, November 29, 2020

Quote from Barney in Weekend at Barney's

Lily: So, there's this big gallery opening tonight.
Robin: Oh, we'd love to, but we've got this...
Barney: Genesis reunion, Madison Square Garden, front row. It's gonna be legend...
Lily: I wasn't inviting you guys.
Barney: Oh, thank God. There is no concert. [rips tickets]

Saturday, November 28, 2020

Quote from Mickey in Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap

Marshall: Hey, Mickey. Just hang tight, okay? We'll, we'll work this out.
Mickey: Take your time, amigo. I'm okay as long as I have "Diseases"! The fun's infectious. [laughs]
[Marshall closes the door on Mickey again]

Friday, November 27, 2020

Quote from Lily in Bachelor Party

Lily: I can't believe you got me this.
Robin: Oh, I only did it as a joke. I can return it for you you want.
Lily: Oh, no, it's okay. You don't have to go all the way back down there. I'll, I'll just throw it away.
Robin: Well, I mean, if you were going to throw it away, maybe I'll take it in case I get invited to another wedding shower. It's a great gag gift.
Lily: Yeah, it's really funny. You know who would get a kick out of it? Marshall. So, so maybe I'll just hold on to it.
Robin: I would be embarrassed if Marshall found out that I bought it for you, so I'd better just take it.
Lily: Robin, leave it.

Thursday, November 26, 2020

Quote from Barney in Mary the Paralegal

Ted: I haven't seen her in three weeks. She won't return my calls. Look, I shouldn't go.
Marshall: You should definitely go. Look, it's a chance to show her you're still friends and that you support her.
Barney: Or it's a chance to mess with her head by showing up with someone hotter. Even better, triple threat: hotter and bigger boobs.
Ted: That's only two.
Barney: Count again.

Wednesday, November 25, 2020

Quote from Robin in Little Minnesota

Bud: Goodbye, Robin.
Robin: No. You know what? I'm glad you found oot. Because I'm proud to be Canadian. We may not have a fancy NFL team or Prince, but we invented Trivial Pursuit. You're welcome, Earth! Plus in Canada, you can go to an all-nude strip club and order alcohol. That's right. From Moose Jaw to the Bay of Fundy, you can suck down a 20-ounce pilsner while watching some coal miner's daughter strip down to her pelt. Jealous?! In Canada people don't care where you're from, as long as you're friendly and maybe loan them a smoke or hand over a donut. I'm proud to be from the Great White North... and I wish I was there right now. [starts to leave] And we're not afraid of the dark. I mean, we don't love it, but who does?

Upcoming Quotes

Wednesday, December 2, 2020

A quote from Robin in the episode The Over-Correction.

Thursday, December 3, 2020

A quote from Barney in the episode The Bro Mitzvah.

Friday, December 4, 2020

A quote from Lily in the episode Intervention.

Saturday, December 5, 2020

A quote from Barney in the episode P.S. I Love You.

Sunday, December 6, 2020

A quote from Ted in the episode Girls Vs. Suits.