How I Met Your Mother Quote of the Day

Thursday, April 22, 2021

Quote from Barney in Baby Talk

Barney: I'm dying out here. Talking like a little boy is not working with the ladies.
[montage of Barney approaching women:]
Barney: Wow, lady. You got some tig ol' bitties!
Barney: Gosh! Your body's a perfect... This many.
Barney: Hi. Do you want to wrestle with our special bathing suit places? Come on!

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Recent Quotes

Wednesday, April 21, 2021

Quote from Robin in Duel Citizenship

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, as you know, Aunt Robin grew up in Canada. That meant sometimes she dressed a little differently.
[In the apartment, Robin is wearing shorts and a top as everybody else gets ready to leave in layers of winter clothing]
Robin: Okay, let's do this!
Future Ted: Sometimes she talked a little differently.
[in MacLaren's:]
Robin: Ted, this hydro bill is bigger than Louis Cyr's biceps. What, you leave the garburator on all night, eh?
Future Ted: She hung out at different bars and enjoyed leisure time a little differently.
[Robin fighting at the Hoser Hut:]
Robin: You want to go? You want to go?! Come on!

Tuesday, April 20, 2021

Quote from Marshall in Mystery Vs. History

Barney: You guys have to see this.
Lily: No. We're with Ted on this. We don't want to find out about Janet, just like we don't want to find out about the baby.
Marshall: Because we like mystery, whether it's the hairy majesty of Bigfoot, or the bloodsucking ferocity of the Chupacabra, or the gender of our little miracle.
Lily: Thanks for putting those together in the same sentence, sweetie.

Monday, April 19, 2021

Quote from Ted in The End of the Aisle

Robin: Tell me the truth.
Ted: Okay, I-I tracked it down, and I gave it to Barney to give to you. Honestly, it was no big deal.
Robin: How did you find it?
Ted: Psh. How does anybody find anything? You hear it might be in your race car pencil box. It's not there. So you swing by your ex-fiancée's storage locker on the opposite coast. It's not there. You learn Victoria has it in Germany, but Jeanette intercepts it, throws it in Central Park Lake. It's a nice day for a swim, so what the heck? You dive in, scoop it up, make it home in time for Jeopardy! Ease to the pease. Happy wedding.

Sunday, April 18, 2021

Quote from Barney in The Best Man

Future Ted: [v.o.] And so we all headed to my hometown where we planned to celebrate Punchy's big day. Uncle Barney had different plans.
Barney: Get ready, Cleveland. The last man to screw you this hard then disappear was LeBron James.

Saturday, April 17, 2021

Quote from Marshall in Sorry, Bro

Ted: So Karen in New York, weird, right?
Lily: Ted, you cannot get back together with Karen.
Ted: I never said I was going to get back together with her. But I was thinking she's new in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call?
Marshall: No, Ted. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, it would be the fourth worst thing. Number 1, super volcano. Number 2, an asteroid hits the Earth. Number 3, all footage of Evel Knievel is lost. Number 4, Ted calls Karen. Number 5, Lily gets eaten by a shark.
Lily: I'm Lily and I approve the order of that list.

Friday, April 16, 2021

Quote from Lily in Matchmaker

Barney: So did you get a good look at it?
Lily: Yeah. It has six legs, a hard exoskeleton like a roach...
Marshall: But it has mouse-like characteristics. Grey-brown tufts of fur, a tail.
Robin: So which is it, a cockroach or a mouse?
Lily: It's a cockamouse.

Upcoming Quotes

Friday, April 23, 2021

A quote from Lily in the episode Canning Randy.

Saturday, April 24, 2021

A quote from Ted in the episode The Platinum Rule.

Sunday, April 25, 2021

A quote from Barney in the episode Arrivederci, Fiero.

Monday, April 26, 2021

A quote from Ted in the episode Doppelgangers.

Tuesday, April 27, 2021

A quote from Marshall in the episode Desperation Day.