Previous Episode Next Episode 
The Magician's Code - Part One

‘The Magician's Code - Part One’

Season 7, Episode 23 -  Aired May 14, 2012

When Lily goes into labor, Barney tries to help Marshall get back to New York from Atlantic City. Meanwhile, Ted and Robin try to distract Lily from her painful contractions by telling her stories.

Quote from Mickey

Lily: Damn it, Ted. I was okay with you e-mailing my aunt, my cousins, and your cousins, and the guy that Robin thought was Neil Young. But my father is the absolute worst person to have around in any sort of medical situation. When I was seven, I needed to have my tonsils out.
Young Lily: Daddy, I'm scared.
Mickey: Aw, Princess, I would be too. I've researched this surgery. Anything can happen. You could bleed to death... You could have your jaw removed due to infection... And the anesthesia could suddenly just stop working, much like your mom's and my marriage. [laughs] You do know that we're getting a divor... Don't worry about it. We'll talk about it after the surgery.


Quote from Robin

Ted: Let's get you to the hospital.
Lily: Oh, I can't go yet. I talked to Dr. Sonya. They won't admit me until my contractions are four minutes apart.
Robin: Okay, well, if you don't make it in time, I have got you covered. When I was 13, my father caught me kissing a boy, so he sent me to our family's ranch for foaling season. Once you see a baby horse erupt through that birth canal, you stop even touching yourself. Anyway, I had skinny arms, so I got up there elbow deep. I lost this watch birthing Blacky...
Lily: Okay, stop it. I am not a farm animal. [grunts]
Robin: Oh, there we go. Easy girl. Sugar cube?

Quote from Barney

Barney: Okay, listen, I am going to get you to that hospital or die trying. And if I succeed, I ask only one thing in return. Let me choose your child's middle name because I have thought of the most awesome name of all time.
Marshall: What's the middle name?
Barney: Wait for it.
Marshall: I'm waiting.
Barney: Wait for it.
Marshall: I said I'm waiting.
Barney: Wait for it.
Marshall: What's the middle name?
Barney: No, the middle name is wait for it. Let's say the first name is - oh, I don't know - Barney. He'd be Barney Wait for It Eriksen. How awesome is that?
Marshall: That is... the coolest middle name of all time!

Quote from Barney

Lily: Tell me a story now!
Ted: Oh! Remember the time Barney tried to pick up girls as the Terminator?
[flashback to a completely naked Barney in the alley behind MacLaren's:]
Barney: [Austrian accent] Come with me if you want to bang.

Quote from Marshall

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, when Aunt Lily went into labor, Marshall was somewhere slightly inconvenient, in Atlantic City with Uncle Barney, and drunk to the point of talking like Yoda.
Marshall: Baby come. Papa gonna be am I. Hospital must we get now.
Barney: Okay, there's like a four-hour wait at the valet stand. Plus, we're in no shape to drive. So, a car's out... Wait, don't worry. We'll take a cab to the train station.
Man: Yeah, good luck getting a cab. It's impossible because of the big thing.
Future Ted: Kids, for the life of me, I can't remember what the big thing was in Atlantic City that weekend. Was it a cheerleading convention? No, it was a porn convention. Sci-fi convention? Eh, I can't remember.
Barney: We're stuck in Atlantic City!
Marshall: City of Atlantic stuck in are we.

Quote from Lily

Marshall: In return for him getting me here, I may have promised Barney that our son's middle name will be Wait For It.
Lily: I can't wait, just, what is the name?
Marshall: The name is Wait For It.
Lily: [screaming] That is... the coolest middle name of all time!

Quote from Ted

Ted: Ah, don't worry, Lil. Some of us know what a woman actually needs at a time like this. A kick-ass labor announcement e-mail.
[online video:]
Ted: A man, a woman, and their best friend, embark on an incredible journey. Lily's cervix is dilating, and we want you all to be part of its grand opening.
Lily: You are not sending that to anyone, ever.

Quote from Robin

Robin: Get on all fours. It widens your hind quarters.
Lily: Stop it! I am not a farm animal! But give me that sugar cube.

Quote from Lily

Lily: [on the phone] Oh. Hi, Judy. Oh, good. You got the e-mail from Ted. No, I am not worried my city hips are too narrow, and your grandson's going to get stuck. I got to go.

Quote from Robin

Ted: Okay, okay, that's four minutes! We're going to the hospital.
Lily: Wait, but Marshall's not here yet. I can't go to the hospital without Marshall!
Robin: I'm on it. Lily, spread your legs. I'm gonna see if we can see the hooves. Uh, the-the snout. Uh, the head.

Page 2