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‘Blitzgiving’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

How I Met Your Mother: Blitzgiving

610. Blitzgiving

Aired November 22, 2010

When Ted leaves the bar early to prepare Thanksgiving dinner, he inherits the curse of "The Blitz" from Steve, an old friend from college who made a habit of leaving just before amazing things happen.

Quote from Lily

Ted: Guys! I hate Zoey! That means you're supposed to hate her, too! Th- That's your rule, Lily!
Lily: I tried.
Ted: Tried?! Lily, do you have any idea how many people I've blindly hated for you? I hated Renée Zellweger with a burning passion for eight years, only to discover you meant Reese Witherspoon!
Lily: Hey, I will hate her until I get my money back for You, Me and Dupree!
Ted: That's Kate Hudson!
Lily: Oh, yeah. That's who I hate. Guys, we hate Kate Hudson.

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Quote from Barney

Ted: All right, it's dead in here. I'm gonna call it a little early.
Barney: What? No! You can't go now. It's the night before Thanksgiving. College chicks are back in town. Their moms just made a snide comment about the weight they gained. They called her a bitch, but deep down, they know she's right. And they're about to walk through that door, where we will be waiting with some light beer and some rock hard approval. Wh-What U-up?

Quote from Barney

[flashback to Lily, Marshall, Barney and Robin at MacLaren's after Ted left:]
Lily: Oh, my God. That's Zoey! That's Ted's enemy. Which means she's our enemy. Let's take this bitch down.
[present:]
Lily: Huh? Huh? Who's got your back? Now let's have dinner!
Ted: Finish the story, Red.
Lily: Okay, well, we all started brainstorming ways to mess with her. There were a lot of different ideas kicking around.
[flashback:]
Barney: And then I'm just going to leave her there... buck-naked, covered in candle wax, tied to the bed.
Marshall: Barney, I know that Ted doesn't like that girl, but that's a little extreme.
Barney: Wait, Ted doesn't like that girl?

Quote from Marshall

Robin: Look, none of us meant for it to happen, but, well, we had an awesome night with her.
[flashback to Zoey landing a hat on Marshall's head at MacLaren's:]
All: The Gentleman!
[present:]
Lily: And then, the craziest thing happened.
[flashback to a dog skateboarding through MacLaren's]
Ted: I missed a skateboarding dog?
Lily: Yeah, but that wasn't the crazy part.
Ted: It wasn't?
[flashback:]
Zoey: Okay, Marshall. Truth or dare?
Marshall: Okay, awesome. Well, Lily doesn't let me do truths. So, dare.
Zoey: Okay. I dare you to send a picture of your junk to a complete stranger.
Marshall: Best idea ever!
[present:]
Marshall: Worst idea ever! My junk ended up in some stranger's pocket. If there phone was on vibrate, I basically dry-humped them.

Quote from Barney

Ted: Wait. Blitz was there, too?
The Blitz: The Gentleman! The Gentleman! Oh, I was there for the whole thing. Something inside me just said "Grand Theft Auto" can wait a night.
Barney: It was legen - wait for Ted to leave, 'cause he's now The Blitz - dary. Legendary!

Quote from Barney

Ted: Barney, I don't know if the oven is deep enough. Plus, it's a display made of cardboard.
Barney: Huh. I should probably disconnect the gas.

Quote from Ted

Marshall: Hey, hey, hey! You missed it.
Lily: Oh, my goodness.
The Blitz: Our cab took a wrong turn. We were in the Thanksgiving Day parade!
Robin: Tony Bennett passed Ted the mike and he sang "Twist and Shout!"
Barney: But he's The Blitz.
Ted: No. I'm not The Blitz. I'm The Bueller. You know what this means. You're The Blitz.

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: Life moves pretty fast, Barney. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it.
Ted: Chicka-chicka!

Quote from Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, in the fall of 2010, I was hosting my very first Thanksgiving. And I wanted it to be unforgettable.
Ted: Instead of stuffing, I'm going to fill the turkey with... a slightly smaller turkey. It's called a Turturkeykey!
Lily: A Turturkeykey? Mm-hmm.
Barney: Uh-uh, oh-oh.
Robin: Yeah, I was there for the "insertion." He used shoehorns. I'll be having sides.

Quote from Future Ted

Marshall: Yeah. You don't want to bail early, man. You could become The Blitz.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Blitz was a guy we knew in college. Sadly, he was cursed.
[flashback to Ted and Marshall "eating a sandwich" with a guy in their dorm room:]
The Blitz: Well, I'm calling it a little early.
Ted: Wha- You sure? We got big plans.
Marshall: Yeah. Remember how last week we fired up a sandwich, and we listened to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon while watching The Wizard of Oz?
Ted: Well, tonight, we're doing the same thing, only with "Weird Al" Yankovic's Greatest Hits and Apocalypse Now. We'll see what happens.
The Blitz: Nah, it's Kraft/Croft night: mac and cheese and Tomb Raider. Biz-zow!
Future Ted: You see, every time Blitz left a place, something amazing happened.
[A woman wearing only a towel enters the dorm room]
Woman: Oh! I'm sorry. I thought this was my room. [drops towel]
[later, Ted and Marshall tell The Blitz about their evening:]
Ted: Completely naked!
Marshall: Completely naked!
The Blitz: Aw, man!
Marshall: And the movie was awesome.
The Blitz: Aw, man!
Ted: At the exact moment Brando first appeared, "Weird Al" launched right into "Eat It."
The Blitz: Aw, man!

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