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38Quotes from ‘Unfinished’

How I Met Your Mother: Unfinished

603. Unfinished

Aired October 4, 2010

After Ted declines Barney's offer to design the new GNB headquarters, Barney tries to woo him using his techniques for picking up women. Meanwhile, Robin has trouble moving on from her relationship with Don.

Quote from Lily

Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: Excuse me?
Lily: When I was a kid, I had a dog named Bean. Whenever he made the face that you're making right now, you just knew he pooped somewhere in the house. Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: I don't know what you're talking about.
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: There's no poop.
Lily: Where's the poop?

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Quote from Lily

Robin: Hey, guys.
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: How do you do that? You are like a bomb-sniffing dog, except with poop. You are a poop-sniffing dog.
Marshall: I think that's just called a dog.
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?

Quote from Barney

Marshall: Oh. Wow. Back already. How was flying solo? And by "solo," I mean so low that you got shot down.
Barney: Look, I didn't get shot down. Trust me, I'll get the yes. Barney Stinson always gets the yes. This is all part of the plan. After initial contact, I'm now in the ignoring phase.
Lily: Barney, why can't you just take a girl out to dinner like a normal person?
Barney: Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get the yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity. It requires a level of connection and eye contact that sex just doesn't. Call me old-fashioned, but I need to have sex with a girl at least three times before I'll even consider having dinner with her.

Quote from Marshall

Ted: Actually, I think I'm gonna say no.
Robin: No? Are you kidding me?
Lily: But designing a building in New York City is your lifelong dream.
Ted: I do not want to work for GNB again. Those guys are evil. No offense, Marshall.
Marshall: Dude, none taken. Yes, GNB is, the Empire from Star Wars. But the Death Star's gonna get built either way. And don't you think the architect of the Death Star is pretty psyched to have that thing on his space resume? I mean, yes, his design was flawed in the sense that a single bullet fired into a particular vent would explode the whole thing.
Ted: For all we know, that was the contractor's fault.
Marshall: But that won't happen on your watch. You know why? Because you're Ted Mosby! And you are gonna design the most beautiful, ventless, Rebel-proof building in Manhattan, with clearly marked emergency stops for every trash compactor on the detention level.

Quote from Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, in my early days of being a professor, I had one simple goal: give a lecture that changes someone's life. Then one afternoon in 2010, I achieved that goal.
Ted: Unfinished. Of all the words you could use to describe La Sagrada Familia: Brown, pointy, weird... The one that really seems to stick is "unfinished." Why? Because on June 7, 1926, the architect Antoni Gaudi... Whose beard was also brown, pointy, weird and unfinished... was run over by a bus. And so, his greatest masterpiece would remain forever...
[Ted is holding a miniature airplane model]
Future Ted: [v.o.] But first, let's back up a few days.

Quote from Robin

Robin: Okay. So it wasn't entirely a peaceful moment of closure.
[flashback to drunk Robin watching TV:]
Robin: Hey, Don, here's some breaking news: there's a zit breaking out on your forehead. [throws empty bottle behind the couch] Finished with that.
[present:]
Robin: Look, I'm not proud, but Don left so quickly that I never got the chance to have that final showdown. So yelling at him, even on TV, felt kind of good. And you know what? Now I truly am over him.
Ted: That's great.
Marshall: Good on you.
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?
Robin: Damn it!

Quote from Robin

Robin: Okay, in the process of truly getting over him, I may have called him and left an... indelicate voice mail.
[flashback to drunk Robin on the phone:]
Robin: I am gonna kill you. I'm gonna fly to Chicago, kill you, put your stupid face on a deep dish pizza and eat it. And then maybe catch a Bears game. But mostly the killing and eating your face thing.

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: This is awesome. You're designing our new headquarters. Now, there will be voices that tell you a hockey rink on the roof is unfeasible. You've got to shut those voices out.

Quote from Barney

Ted: I don't buy it. That's crazy, even for Barney.
Marshall: Okay, well, think about it. We've seen his moves countless times. What does he do after he's done ignoring a girl?
[flashback to Ted and Barney sitting with two women in a booth at MacLaren's:]
Barney: Chrissy, I love your glasses.
Chrissy: Really?
Barney: They totally pull focus up from that whole chin situation you got going on. [toasts] To Chrissy.
[present:]
Marshall: The backhanded compliment to lower her self-esteem. A proven winner.
Ted: But Barney hasn't done...
Barney: Ted, I admire your loyalty. You've had that hairstyle forever. You don't care that it's out of fashion or that it's been co-opted by the lesbian community. You stick with it. [toasts] To Ted.

Quote from Barney

Marshall: Barney's been "putting the moves" on Ted.
Lily: Oh, that sucks. Although I like you two together.
Marshall: No, he's been doing it to try to get Ted to design the new GNB Tower.
Robin: Which moves are we talking about? Did he do the thing where he brags on himself in the form of a complaint?
[flashback to Ted, Marshall and Barney at MacLaren's:]
Barney: Man, every time I take out my business card and women see the GNB logo, they throw themselves at me. I miss the chase. It sucks!
[another flashback:]
Barney: Man, the courtside Knicks seats that are available to all upper level GNB employees are too close to the action. I keep getting sweat on my suit. It sucks!
[another flashback:]
Barney: Man, GNB's benefits package is so comprehensive it gives me the freedom to see any doctor I want. It sucks!
[present:]
Ted: He did.

Quote from Barney

Robin: And the intense eye contact thing?
[flashback to Ted, Marshall and Barney at MacLaren's:]
Barney: So, Ted, would you like to split some jalapeno poppers? [stares at Ted]
Ted: Uh. okay.
[present:]
Ted: Yep.
Robin: And the thing where he establishes intimacy through physical contact?
[flashback:]
Ted: You know why jalapeño poppers are so good? It's the cream cheese.
Barney: That is so true. [holds Ted's hands]
Ted: Yeah... Cream cheese has a mild flav-flavor so it... it balances out the spiciness of the jal... the spiciness of the...
[Barney starts rubbing Ted's arm:]
Ted: Dude!

Quote from Marshall

Robin: Oh, everyone thinks it's so easy. Give me your phone. Let's delete one of yours.
Marshall: Okay. No problem. If you can find a number that I don't need or shouldn't have in here, be my guest, but good luck. I keep my phone tight.
Robin: Edwin.
Marshall: Oh, no, not that one. That's the booker for the club that my band plays at. You know, my all-lawyer
funk band. You remember... The Funk, the Whole Funk and Nothing but the Funk.
[flashback to Marshall, wearing a striped top hat, singing with a band who are all wearing English lawyer wigs:]
Marshall: [singing] Your witness lied so your case is sunk, hah! I sentence you to a life of funk Counselors, how do you plead?
All: Funky.
Marshall: Kick it.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Unfinished. Gaudi, to his credit, never gave up on his dream, but that's not usually how it goes. I mean, usually, it isn't a speeding bus that keeps the brown, pointy, weird church from getting built. Most of the time, it's just too difficult or too expensive, or too scary. It's only once you've stopped that you realize how hard it is
to start again. So you force yourself not to want it. But it's always there. And until you finish it, it will always be...
[Ted walks out of his class room. He runs down the street, and almost gets hit by a bus. Ted walks into Barney's office.]
Ted: Hey, Barney. Hey, Rachel. Rachel, why aren't you in class?
Rachel: Why aren't you in class?
Barney: Yeah, Ted. Why aren't you in class? [off Ted's look] You son of a bitch. I'll call Marshall. We'll draw up the contract.
Ted: Not so fast. I'm not that easy.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And so I made Barney break his golden rule. I made him take me out to dinner before I finally gave him the thing he always got.
Ted: Yes.


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