Mickey Aldrin Quotes Page 1 of 4

Quote from The Magician's Code - Part One

Lily: Damn it, Ted. I was okay with you e-mailing my aunt, my cousins, and your cousins, and the guy that Robin thought was Neil Young. But my father is the absolute worst person to have around in any sort of medical situation. When I was seven, I needed to have my tonsils out.
[flashback:]
Young Lily: Daddy, I'm scared.
Mickey: Aw, Princess, I would be too. I've researched this surgery. Anything can happen. You could bleed to death... You could have your jaw removed due to infection... And the anesthesia could suddenly just stop working, much like your mom's and my marriage. [laughs] You do know that we're getting a divor... Don't worry about it. We'll talk about it after the surgery.

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Quote from Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap

Future Ted: [v.o.] Now, Lily and her dad, Mickey, had always had a tough relationship. Mickey's dream was to invent the next great American board game. But his ideas were a little off.
[flashback to young Lily, wearing a ballerina costume, going to see her father at his work station in 1988:]
Young Lily: Daddy? You missed my ballet recital.
Mickey: Yes, sweetie, but, look! I just put the finishing touches on my new, hit board game, "Tijuana Slumlord".
[another flashback:]
Young Lily: Daddy, you missed my gymnastics meet.
Mickey: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is the one! "Car Battery: how long can you hold on?" [laughs] Here, princess, grab these.
[another flashback:]
Young Lily: Daddy, I had a nightmare.
Mickey: Aw, here sweetie. Here, come play daddy's new game: "There's a Clown Demon Under the Bed!"
Young Lily: [screams]

Quote from Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap

[flashback to 2006 at Lily's grandparents' house:]
Lily: Dad, you should be paying rent, not living in your parents' basement.
Mickey: Hey, it's not my first choice. Having the old farts right upstairs is crimpin' my style a bit. Clearly, they're not getting the whole "sock on the doorknob" thing.
Marshall: Oh, they caught you with a girl?
Mickey: In a way.

Quote from Tailgate

Future Ted: [v.o.] January 1st, 2012, East Meadow, New York. A woman answers her door to find something more enigmatic and mysterious than Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster.
Lily: Dad?
Mickey: Hey.
Lily: I thought you were in Chicago.
Mickey: I was.
[flashback to Mickey receiving a phone call from Lily:]
Mickey: Great. Thanks. [hangs up] My daughter's having a baby!
[present:]
Lily: Did you drive all night?
Mickey: Yeah. Well, Teddy and I split the drive. This guy's a maniac behind the wheel. Congrats, Princess.
Lily: Happy New Year, Dad.

Quote from Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap

Future Ted: [v.o.] Which brings us back to Thanksgiving of 2009.
Mickey: [holding a board game he developed] Hey, princess. I brought "Diseases"!
[Lily slams the door]

Quote from Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap

Marshall: Hey, Mickey. Just hang tight, okay? We'll, we'll work this out.
Mickey: Take your time, amigo. I'm okay as long as I have "Diseases"! The fun's infectious. [laughs]
[Marshall closes the door on Mickey again]

Quote from Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap

Marshall: A family should be that close. And I want our future family to be that close. And that includes your dad.
Lily: I can't believe you're taking his side.
Marshall: Lily.
Lily: Let me be clear on this. That man will never cross the threshold into this home, ever!
[cut to Marshall at the front door:]
Marshall: It's just gonna be, like, five more minutes.
Mickey: Hopefully soon, amigo. I'm fighting a losing battle with hemorrhoids here.
Marshall: Oh, that's one of the diseases?
Mickey: No.

Quote from Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap

[The game timer dings. A piece explodes, covering a thick yellow liquid across Mickey, Marshall and the Thanksgiving dinner]
Robin: Oh, my God.
Ted: What just happened?
Mickey: Sorry, Ted. Gallbladder burst. You move back three spaces.
Marshall: You come in here, and you watch your daughter leave, and you don't even care. And now you've destroyed Thanksgiving dinner! Lily worked all day on this!
Mickey: Relax. It's not real bile. It's just lead-based paint from China. And horse bile.

Quote from 46 Minutes

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, when he found out she was pregnant, Lily's estranged father unexpectedly showed up on her doorstep. It was a gesture she appreciated. But after two weeks, they'd had just about enough.
Mickey: That has to go there to cover up the splintery floorboard. And you can't hang this picture here. This isn't plaster; it's dried toothpaste. Guys, you're so lucky I'm here. I grew up in this house. I know it like the back of my hand. And this lamp absolutely cannot be here.
Marshall: Why not?
Mickey: It blocks my view of the Widow Rodriguez doing her Jane Fonda workouts.
Lily: Isn't she a little old, Dad?
Mickey: Oh, you didn't see her when I was a kid. In my mind, she'll always be 54.

Quote from 46 Minutes

Mickey: Wrong! Please tell me you're not plugging that in there.
Marshall: Yes, Mickey, that's exactly what I'm doing.
Mickey: All right, fine. I won't say anything. It's... just that this was my room when I growing up, so I know it a little better than you. Lot of great memories here. Mostly just discovering my body.

Quote from The Burning Beekeeper

Mickey: You're going back to work? Sheez, Marshall, you are as busy as a... Oh, gosh, what are you as busy as?
Lily: Please don't talk about the bees.
Mickey: I was gonna say Nicolas Cage. That guy is in everything.

Quote from Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap

Future Ted: [v.o.] Her whole life, Mickey disappointed Lily. And she always put up with it, until one day in 2006 when Lily went to visit her grandparents.
Marshall: So, Rita, are you excited about the big move to Florida?
Rita: Actually, dear, slight change of plans. We're staying here for the time being.
Morris: We had a slight financial hiccup.
Mickey: [o.s.] Mom, the straw to my juice box broke!

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