Marshall: This is by far the drunkest I've ever seen you. Uh, driver.
Ranjit: Hello!
Marshall: Ranjit! Hey, can we make a stop before we head back to the hotel?
Ranjit: You do not have to stop. You can be together as man and wife right back there, and because we are friend I will not watch.

Barney: Oh, my God. You guys broke up. You guys broke up. I can't believe it.
Ted: Barney, story's not over.
[flashback to the restaurant:]
Robin: Can we please not talk about this here. Can we go home?
Ted: Yeah, of course. Uh, excuse me, I'm sorry about this. Can we actually...
Waiter: Oh, my God, it's you.
Ted: Wha... What?
Waiter: You're the son of a bitch who stole our blue French horn.
Ted: Run!

D.J.: Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever Mr. and Marshall Eriksen and Lily Aldrin.
Lily: Does it make you kind of sad that we don't share the same last name?
Marshall: You know, in a totally evolved 21st-century kind of way yeah, a little.
Lily: You know what we should do? We should come up with a whole new last name.
Marshall: Oh, that's easy. Lily and Marshall Skywalker.
Lily: Lily and Marshall Hasselhoff.
Marshall: I got it. You ready? You ready?
Lily: Yeah.
Marshall: Lily and Marshall Awesome. Have you met the Awesomes? Marshall, Lily, their son, Totally and their daughter, Freakin'?
Lily: I love you, Mr. Awesome.
Marshall: I love you, Mrs. Awesome.

Ted: Wedding's over.
Robin: Yes, it is.
Ted: I guess starting tomorrow, we can tell people.
Barney: Tell people what?
Robin: Hi, Barney.
Barney: Tell people what?
Ted: The food looks delicious, doesn't it?
Barney: Tell people what?
Robin: Nothing.
Barney: Oh, okay. Tell people what?
Ted: Can we talk about this later?
Barney: Absolutely. Tell people what?
Robin: [to a woman] Hi. Have you met Barney?
Barney: Hey. Barney Stinson. Lovely dress. I know, I'm sick of these things, too. It's like the same wedding over and over again. You're totally right. You want to dance? Great, see you out there. Tell people what?
Ted: Look, this is just not something we want to talk about right now, okay, Barney?
Barney: Okay. [Barney leaves]
Ted: Whoo, that was a close one.
Robin: Think he'll actually let it go?
Barney: [over the microphone] Tell people what? Tell people what? Tell people what? Tell people what? Tell people... [A man tells Barney something] There's a black Nissan Stanza in the parking lot with it's lights on. Tell people what? Tell people what?

Lily: Oh, help us.
Robin: What's wrong?
Lily: We're starving. We planned this amazing meal with the caterers, and we haven't had a bite of it.
Marshall: Every time we get near the food, we get cocktail-weiner-blocked.

[flashback to a few weeks ago:]
Robin: Conga line.
Lily: Oh, yes, definitely.
Ted: How about a slide show of you guys through the years set to Green Day's "Time of Your Life" and ending with your baby photos side by side.
Lily: Oh, that's great. Going on the list.
Barney: What list?
Lily: Horrible wedding clichés we're not going to touch with a ten-foot limbo pole.
Barney: Oh, like First Corinthians? That Bible verse? They do that at every wedding.
Robin: How's it go?
Marshall: "Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on it's own way. It is not irritable or resentful. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
Robin: Lame.
Lily: Going on the list.

Lily: Mini quiche. You're a mega-douche.
Barney: Oh, that's right, they moved that table back toward the kitchen, because that's where they're setting up a surprise chocolate fountain. Oh, no, I gave it away. [Lily and Marshall run off] So what was in the glass?

Barney: So what was in the glass?
Ted: So the waiter comes up with two glasses of Dom. He says, "Champagne?" "We didn't order any champagne." "Compliments of the house." "Wow."
Barney: You said that already!
[flashback to the restaurant:]
Ted: [v.o.] Right. So Robin looks down, and there at the bottom of her glass...
Robin: Is an engagement ring.
[flashback ends]
Man: [with camcorder] Anything you want to say to the bride and groom?
Barney: Don't get married.
Man: Why don't I come back.

Barney: Run? Your strategy was run?
Ted: It was a perfectly good idea. They didn't have our credit card information. They didn't know us from Adam. I stand by it.
Robin: Yeah? And how did that work out for you?
[flashback to the restaurant: As Ted and Robin run out, they collide with a waiter carrying a tray of food]
[As Ted and Robin return to her apartment:]
Ted: I don't see why they had to keep my credit card and driver's license till we bring the horn back.
Robin: Well, come on, Ted, can you blame them?
[flashback to the restaurant:]
Ted: Look, I'm sorry about the French horn. I want to make this right. So what we're going to do right now is, we're going to... run!
[Ted and runs and trips]

Ted: So... Argentina?
Robin: Argentina.
Ted: Why is this the first I've heard of Argentina?
Robin: Mmm, American schools suck at geography. What would be the point in telling you that I want to live in Argentina? You don't want to live there.
Ted: I could want to live in Argentina.
Robin: No, you couldn't. I mean, you life is here and your career. I'm a journalist, my career could take me anywhere, and I hope it does.
Ted: Hey. I could be an architect anywhere, too. They have buildings in Argentina. And Paris. And even Tokyo. I don't know if you ever saw Godzilla, but he wasn't knocking down a bunch of tents.