Ted: So that's it. No more Marshall.
Robin: No more Lily.
Barney: They're gone. Which means... no lame married couple shooting down all my amazing ideas. Guys, great news. I'm the new leader of the gang!
["how i met your barney" credits roll:]
Barney: [singing] Ba...ba...ba.. Ba...Barney is the new leader of the gang And life just got way more awesome. Yeah!

Barney: Enough! I am sick of you two wallowing in sadness, instead of doing the healthy thing and pretending anyone who leaves you never existed in the first place.
Kevin: I hate to agree with Barney's near-paralyzing abandonment issues, but he has a point. You can't just stop living because two of your friends moved away.
Barney: Precisely. [pre-ciss-ley] Now, as new group leader, I say we go out and do something that we never would have done with Marshall and Lily here. Ooh. Remember that amazing idea I had that one time?
[every night since 2005:]
Barney: Let's go to a strip club.
Lily: Nope.
[present:]
Barney: So what do you say? Let's declare our independence with an on-da-peen dance. On-the-peen dance.
Robin: No, we got it. We got it.

Barney: Yes! Tonight is going to be legen- Wait, are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club? Shut up, Lily!
I'm in charge now - dary!

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, when he found out she was pregnant, Lily's estranged father unexpectedly showed up on her doorstep. It was a gesture she appreciated. But after two weeks, they'd had just about enough.
Mickey: That has to go there to cover up the splintery floorboard. And you can't hang this picture here. This isn't plaster; it's dried toothpaste. Guys, you're so lucky I'm here. I grew up in this house. I know it like the back of my hand. And this lamp absolutely cannot be here.
Marshall: Why not?
Mickey: It blocks my view of the Widow Rodriguez doing her Jane Fonda workouts.
Lily: Isn't she a little old, Dad?
Mickey: Oh, you didn't see her when I was a kid. In my mind, she'll always be 54.

Mickey: Wrong! Please tell me you're not plugging that in there.
Marshall: Yes, Mickey, that's exactly what I'm doing.
Mickey: All right, fine. I won't say anything. It's... just that this was my room when I growing up, so I know it a little better than you. Lot of great memories here. Mostly just discovering my body.

Lily: Yeah. Here are your spare keys to our new house.
Barney: Long Island? I don't understand. You can get spray tans here.
Robin: I never let myself believe this day would really come.
Ted: It's like when they canceled Party of Five for the second time. I mean when they... canceled sports.

Barney: Let's go to a strip club!
Ted: Well... I'm going to miss them anywhere. Might as well see some cans while I'm at it.
Barney: I'll take it! Robin, Kevin, you in?
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, early in any relationship, there's a phase where you don't say no to anything. Because you want to seem interesting... adventurous... and open-minded. I call it Early Relationship Chicken.
Robin: Well, I'm open to anything.
Kevin: Oh, mos' def.
Both: So...
Robin: [inner monologue] I don't want to go to a strip club.
Kevin: [inner monologue] I don't want to go to a strip club.
Robin: [inner monologue] But I don't want him to think I'm some prude.
Kevin: [inner monologue] Man, we've been saying "so" for a while.
Both: Yeah!

Barney: Remember her?
Future Ted: [v.o.] So, a while back, we discovered the most amazing thing: Lily had a doppelganger who was a Russian stripper.
Barney: Look at her, Ted. She's just like old, less-good Lily, but instead of bossing us around, she shows us her boobs.
Stripper Lily: No touching.
Barney: Okay, a little bossing us around. I call her Better Lily.
[Russian-style "How I Met Your Mother" credits roll]

Mickey: [over intercom] Hello, Mr. Eriksen. From the sound of the wind chimes, I hear you've made it to the first floor.
Marshall: Okay... you know what, Mickey? You can save the creepy game master routine. It's only kind of terrifying me.
Mickey: Oh, but the game has just begun. I call it "Try Not to Bang into All the Furniture and Stuff on Your Way to the Fuse Box in the Basement, Marshall." That's just a working title.

Mickey: Okay, now, Marshall, take three steps forward, while ducking underneath the broken ceiling fan. Now look to your left and spit. [sizzles] That's the water heater. Want to stay away from that. That baby is hotter than the Widow Rodriguez in a unitard. Okay, now past the washer and dryer is the hardest part. You're gonna have to belly-crawl underneath the ping-pong table and don't so much as nudge it.
Marshall: Why not?
Mickey: Because there are 900 dominos set up in the shape of Barbara Eden. Big, big I Dream Of Jeannie fan.
Marshall: I'm clear. [dominoes falling] I don't know what that sound is, Mickey.
Mickey: That's the sound of Barbara Eden never banging me. That's what that is.