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43Quotes from ‘46 Minutes’

How I Met Your Mother: 46 Minutes

714. 46 Minutes

Aired January 16, 2012

Lily and Marshall finally move into their house on Long Island, putting them a 46 minute train journey away from their friends. In their absence, Barney becomes the leader of the group and takes his friends to a strip club, on the 150th episode of How I Met Your Mother.

Quote from Barney

Ted: So that's it. No more Marshall.
Robin: No more Lily.
Barney: They're gone. Which means... no lame married couple shooting down all my amazing ideas. Guys, great news. I'm the new leader of the gang!
["how i met your barney" credits roll:]
Barney: [singing] Ba...ba...ba.. Ba...Barney is the new leader of the gang And life just got way more awesome. Yeah!

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Quote from Barney

Barney: Enough! I am sick of you two wallowing in sadness, instead of doing the healthy thing and pretending anyone who leaves you never existed in the first place.
Kevin: I hate to agree with Barney's near-paralyzing abandonment issues, but he has a point. You can't just stop living because two of your friends moved away.
Barney: Precisely. [pre-ciss-ley] Now, as new group leader, I say we go out and do something that we never would have done with Marshall and Lily here. Ooh. Remember that amazing idea I had that one time?
[every night since 2005:]
Barney: Let's go to a strip club.
Lily: Nope.
[present:]
Barney: So what do you say? Let's declare our independence with an on-da-peen dance. On-the-peen dance.
Robin: No, we got it. We got it.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Yes! Tonight is going to be legen- Wait, are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club? Shut up, Lily!
I'm in charge now - dary!

Quote from Mickey

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, when he found out she was pregnant, Lily's estranged father unexpectedly showed up on her doorstep. It was a gesture she appreciated. But after two weeks, they'd had just about enough.
Mickey: That has to go there to cover up the splintery floorboard. And you can't hang this picture here. This isn't plaster; it's dried toothpaste. Guys, you're so lucky I'm here. I grew up in this house. I know it like the back of my hand. And this lamp absolutely cannot be here.
Marshall: Why not?
Mickey: It blocks my view of the Widow Rodriguez doing her Jane Fonda workouts.
Lily: Isn't she a little old, Dad?
Mickey: Oh, you didn't see her when I was a kid. In my mind, she'll always be 54.

Quote from Mickey

Mickey: Wrong! Please tell me you're not plugging that in there.
Marshall: Yes, Mickey, that's exactly what I'm doing.
Mickey: All right, fine. I won't say anything. It's... just that this was my room when I growing up, so I know it a little better than you. Lot of great memories here. Mostly just discovering my body.

Quote from Ted

Lily: Yeah. Here are your spare keys to our new house.
Barney: Long Island? I don't understand. You can get spray tans here.
Robin: I never let myself believe this day would really come.
Ted: It's like when they canceled Party of Five for the second time. I mean when they... canceled sports.

Quote from Robin

Barney: Let's go to a strip club!
Ted: Well... I'm going to miss them anywhere. Might as well see some cans while I'm at it.
Barney: I'll take it! Robin, Kevin, you in?
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, early in any relationship, there's a phase where you don't say no to anything. Because you want to seem interesting... adventurous... and open-minded. I call it Early Relationship Chicken.
Robin: Well, I'm open to anything.
Kevin: Oh, mos' def.
Both: So...
Robin: [inner monologue] I don't want to go to a strip club.
Kevin: [inner monologue] I don't want to go to a strip club.
Robin: [inner monologue] But I don't want him to think I'm some prude.
Kevin: [inner monologue] Man, we've been saying "so" for a while.
Both: Yeah!

Quote from Barney

Barney: Remember her?
Future Ted: [v.o.] So, a while back, we discovered the most amazing thing: Lily had a doppelganger who was a Russian stripper.
Barney: Look at her, Ted. She's just like old, less-good Lily, but instead of bossing us around, she shows us her boobs.
Stripper Lily: No touching.
Barney: Okay, a little bossing us around. I call her Better Lily.
[Russian-style "How I Met Your Mother" credits roll]

Quote from Mickey

Mickey: [over intercom] Hello, Mr. Eriksen. From the sound of the wind chimes, I hear you've made it to the first floor.
Marshall: Okay... you know what, Mickey? You can save the creepy game master routine. It's only kind of terrifying me.
Mickey: Oh, but the game has just begun. I call it "Try Not to Bang into All the Furniture and Stuff on Your Way to the Fuse Box in the Basement, Marshall." That's just a working title.

Quote from Mickey

Mickey: Okay, now, Marshall, take three steps forward, while ducking underneath the broken ceiling fan. Now look to your left and spit. [sizzles] That's the water heater. Want to stay away from that. That baby is hotter than the Widow Rodriguez in a unitard. Okay, now past the washer and dryer is the hardest part. You're gonna have to belly-crawl underneath the ping-pong table and don't so much as nudge it.
Marshall: Why not?
Mickey: Because there are 900 dominos set up in the shape of Barbara Eden. Big, big I Dream Of Jeannie fan.
Marshall: I'm clear. [dominoes falling] I don't know what that sound is, Mickey.
Mickey: That's the sound of Barbara Eden never banging me. That's what that is.

Quote from Mickey

Mickey: Okay, Marshall, take three steps forward, and you should be at the fuse box.
Lily: Do you think he made it?
[The lights come on]
Marshall: I did it!
Mickey: No, Marshall... you did it.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Fun fact: that night inspired Mickey's one and only successful board game.
[TV commercial:]
Man: [singing] With splintery floorboards and rusty nails Make sure you don't get impaled Lites Out!
Mickey: Brought to you by Aldrin Games!

Quote from Barney

Barney: I'll admit it. I can't lead this group. We need Marshall and Lily.
Robin: But they're gone, aren't they? I mean, it'll go from seeing them a couple times a week, to a couple times a month, and then it'll just be holiday parties.
Barney: Then the years pass, and you find out Marshall's dead, and you're there for Lily emotionally at first, but then it becomes sexual, and you feel guilty, but maybe that guilt just makes it dirtier and better...
Ted: No, I won't let that happen. Especially that last part.

Quote from Future Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] Would the five of us always live within a few minutes of that booth? No, that's life, kids, but here's what I discovered. Our booth was wherever the five of us were together.

Quote from Mickey

Mickey: That's right, Widow Rodriguez. Stretch it. Work those gams. Ooh, yeah. Grab that left arm. Clutch that chest. Fall down really fast. Oh, my God! Somebody call 911!


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