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‘Drumroll, Please’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

How I Met Your Mother: Drumroll, Please

113. Drumroll, Please

Aired January 23, 2006

When Ted meets a new woman at Claudia and Stuart's wedding, they agree not to exchange names or numbers and make it a one night stand.

Quote from Barney

Tanya: Wow, the Peace Corps?
Barney: Yeah, I ship out tomorrow for two years. You know, some people say the Peace Corps is the most noble thing a person can do. To those people, I say, "Is it?" And usually they say, "Yes, it is."

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Quote from Lily

Lily: So, that's what happened to the bouquet. You know, good for Victoria. It's such an evil tradition.
Ted: You're not gonna do it at your wedding?
Lily: Oh, yeah, I'm gonna take that flower grenade and chuck it into the crowd and scream, "Crawl for it, bitches!" It's just what girls do.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Ted, oh my gosh, I love this moment. You know why? Because I'm gonna say it and this time you're actually gonna say yes. You ready? You ready to say yes? Ted, suit up!
Ted: Yes! No.
Barney: Oh, come on!

Quote from Ted

Ted: I guess, what, we'll need fake names?
Victoria: Um, you can call me Buttercup. [Victoria and Ted shake hands]
Ted: Pleased to meet you, Buttercup. I'm Lando Calrissian. [Victoria laughs] Wow, this is kind of exciting. Our names will forever be shrouded...
Barney: [enters] Ted, Ted, Ted, look, I got a bridesmaid, Ted, look, look, Ted, the second hottest bridesmaid, Ted, look. See ya, Ted. [leaves]
Ted: So, I'm Ted.
Victoria: Victoria. But no last names.
Ted: No last names.

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: [to Ted] A drumroll? That's it? So, what, you just said good-night, came home, and performed a drum solo?

Quote from Marshall

Ted: There was no Victoria at the wedding.
Lily: Maybe she used a second fake name. Oh, she's good, she's very good.
Marshall: Maybe she was a ghost. That's why she didn't wanna kiss you, because you'd just pass right through her and feel really cold for a second. Oh my God, I just had a great idea for a screenplay.
Ted: Marshall. She was not a ghost.
Marshall: I know that she wasn't a ghost, she picked up a bouquet, proving she had corporeal form.

Quote from Future Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, in life there are a lot of big romantic moments, and they make life worth living. But here's the problem, moments pass, and lurking just around the corner from those moments is a cruel, unshaven bastard named reality. And so, back in 2006, on the night of Claudia and Stuart's wedding, reality was the enemy.

Quote from Future Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] This wasn't how I thought the night would turn out. This was finally supposed to be my big moment with Robin. But then reality came along. Robin got called up last minute to anchor the 11 o'clock news. It was her big break. And I went to the wedding stag. Then, when I least expected it...

Quote from Marshall

Lily: Hey, where the hell did you disappear to last night?
Ted: I had the most amazing night ever.
Marshall: Tell me about it. That cake, best cake I ever had. Seriously. My stomach was like, "Hey bro, I don't know what you're eating 'cause I don't have any eyes but it's basically awesome so keep sending it down gullet alley."
Lily: Yeah, I know. My stomach was like, "Girlfriend, we don't always get along but that cake..."

Quote from Ted

Victoria: I should tell you, I have a rule. I never hook up at weddings.
Ted: I'm guessing you haven't always had this rule.
Victoria: Well, here's the thing. Those big romantic moments, they're great when they happen, but they're not real.
Ted: Exactly. Exactly, like, like just now, when I saw you doing the chicken dance out there, I'm not gonna lie to you, big time thunderbolt.
Victoria: You should see me tap-dance. You'd be down on bended knee.
Ted: Sadly not out of character. But I know now it's just a mirage.
Victoria: Wedding goggles.
Ted: Exactly. And that, in a nutshell, is why I'm not putting the moves on you.
Victoria: This isn't the moves?
Ted: What, you think this is the moves? Believe me, you'd know the moves. People ten tables away would know the moves.
Victoria: That's too bad.
Ted: Tell me about it.

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