Lily: Robin, who'd you sleep with?
Robin: I told you, Randy. He was a machine.
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin?

Ted: And so, due to one architectural oversight, the Toledo Bridge Disaster of 1906 claimed the lives of 75 people. [dressed as a hotdog] Now, I hate to stop while I'm on a roll, but happy Halloween, ya crazies!
Scotty: Professor Brosby, you gonna come get beers with us later?
Ted: Nah, I got a thing. But you kids have fun trick or treating.
Betty: This is our treat. You're the coolest, Professor Mosby.
Ted: Well, hot dog.
[later, at a Halloween party:]
Lily: Did it hurt?
Ted: What?
Lily: Getting that kid's nose surgically removed from your ass.
Ted: It's not her nose that's in my ass, Lily, it's her heart. My class loves me. I'm really making an impression on those guys.

Barney: Man, I love the office Halloween party. It is so much sluttier than the office Christmas party. Though not as freaky as the office President's Day Rave. Or the office Tu B'Shvat Pajama Jammy-Jam.

Lily: [on the phone] You just have to learn to embrace their hatred. Because behind that hatred lies fear. And you can use use that fear, like I did with Johnny Marley.
Ted: Was there more to that story?
Lily: A little bit.
[flashback to Johnny Marley waking up from nap time with the stuffed horse's head in his sleeping bag]
Ted: Lily, you're a psychopath.
Lily: A little bit. [to a kid giving Lily her drawing] Aw, a panda!

Ted: [on the phone] How do I get them to like me again?
Lily: You don't. Ted, you're their teacher. The only people that like their teachers...
Ted: I like my teachers.
Lily: ...are dorks. [to a kid shining her shoes] Except for you, Miles.

Randy: Hey, Boss.
Marshall: Hey, Randy. You want a beer?
Randy: No, thank you. I brew my own. At the risk of bragging, my Hazelnut Pilsner won fourth prize at the Weehawken Retirement Home Clam Bake and Wheelchair Maintenance Picnic.
Barney: I wouldn't consider any part of that bragging.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Oh, we were big fans of New York's annual Halloween parade. I don't mean the one that takes place Halloween night in the Village. I mean the one that takes place the morning of November 1st... the Annual Post Halloween Walk of Shame Parade.
Marshall: Look at them heading home after their dirty, filthy hookups.
Barney: Looks like that bee got busy.
Ted: Looks like that French maid didn't turn down somebody's bed.
Marshall: Looks like Pocahontas has a couple of wounded knees.
Ted: Come on, Marshall.
Barney: There's a line.

Barney: There she is, Florence "Night in Bed with a Stranger".

Lily: So, who's the lucky patient?
Robin: I don't want to talk about it.
Ted: Please tell me you're not hooking up with one of your co-anchors again.
Robin: My co-anchor's a woman.
Barney: Please tell me you are hooking up with one of your co-anchors again.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Robin had always believed the key to success was intelligence, hard work and professionalism. Her new co-anchor, Becky, had a different philosophy.
[TV commercial:]
Becky: Boats, boats, boats!
Announcer: It's the Farhampton Boat Show!
Becky: Boats, boats, boats!
Announcer: November 5th, 6th and 7th at the Farhampton Civic Center.
Becky: Boats, boats, boats!
Announcer: Come on down.
Becky: Boats, boats, boats!