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39Quotes from ‘The Pre-Nup’

How I Met Your Mother: The Pre-Nup

802. The Pre-Nup

Aired October 1, 2012

After Barney draws up a pre-nup for Quinn, the guys decide it's time to amend their own relationships, leading to a break-up.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Just go ahead and sign. It's all pretty standard.
Quinn: "In the event of divorce, "Mr. Stinson is granted weekly visitation rights to Ann, Sarah and Molly." You named our future kids? That's actually pretty sweet.
Arthur: Those are Mr. Stinson's names for your lady parts.
Barney: It's important for the girls to maintain a relationship with their daddy. [high-fives Arthur]

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Quote from Marshall

Ted: You named her lady parts?
Marshall: Everyone does that.
Ted: So... Lily?
Marshall: Snap, Crackle, Pop. [popping sound]

Quote from Barney

Ted: Wait. Is this prenup in any way legit? I mean, so far, it sounds a lot like that bar napkin document you make one-night stands sign, promising not to get clingy.
Barney: The Pre-Shtup, patent pending. God, I come up with a lot of good stuff!

Quote from Marshall

Lily: That's repulsive.
Robin: And, sidebar: why do men think women like to be honka-honka'd?
Quinn: What woman wants her breasts squeezed like a seal horn?
Lily: Um... totally.
[at MacLaren's:]
Marshall: Lily like-a-like-a the honka-honka.

Quote from Lily

Lily: Okay, when we first came home with Marvin, there was a bad moment.
[flashback to Marshall tossing baby Marvin up in the air:]
Marshall: Welcome home, buddy. [baby giggles]
Lily: [gasps]
[back:]
Robin: Was it really that high?
Lily: I don't know. I was hormonal. And suddenly, this primal, protective mother voice came out of me. Actually, it was two voices. I seriously think one was coming from my vagina.
[flashback:]
Lily: [demonic voice] Never do that again!

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is the big deal? My brothers and my dad used to roughhouse with me all the time.
[flashback to Minnesota in 1978:]
Judy: Welcome home, Marshall.
Marvin Sr.: Hi. Boys, go long. [throws baby Marshall]
Judy: Stop! Not in the house. That's how lamps break. Now go pass that baby around outside.

Quote from Robin

Robin: The TV happened to be on. I happened to glance at it. Does that make me so weird?
Lily: No.
Quinn: Not at all.
Robin: Thank you. I may be a little weird.
[flashback shows Nick kissing Robin in bed, as she pays more attention to her own news broadcast]
Robin: I get turned on watching myself do the news during sex.
Lily: Yeah, that's a little weird.
Robin: Look, seeing myself on TV makes me feel confident and sexy. And that is nothing to be ashamed of, right, sisters?
Quinn: Never speak of this.
Lily: Ever.
Robin: Yeah, of course.

Quote from Robin

Lily: Wait. So when you're doing the news live at 7:00, you wink to future you watching the rebroadcast at 11:00?
Robin: Maybe.
Quinn: Never speak of this.
Lily: Ever!

Quote from Barney

Barney: "In the event of divorce, Miss Garvey shall get full custody of Mr. Stinson's suits"? Why? What would you do with them?
Quinn: Nothing. I'd just sit around and watch them go out of style.
Barney: That is just sick.
Quinn: Keep reading.
Barney: "Mr. Stinson is allowed to attend any function at the Playboy Mansion." Well, at least that's nice. [Quinn turns the page] "Provided he arrives in an urn."

Quote from Barney

Barney: Hang on a second. "A half million dollar fine "any time Mr. Stinson can't 'rise to the occasion,' cue sad slide whistle sounds"?
Lily: [blows a slide whistle]
Arthur: Hey, what's this about a shock collar?
Robin: Ah, yes, we'll explain. Miss Garvey has many attractive friends who will come to visit.
[fantasy scene:]
Barney: May I offer you goat cheese puff pastries I made, mistress?
Quinn: As long as you can do it quietly.
[As Barney eyes up one of Quinn's friends, she presses a remote which sets off Barney's shock collar. He jerks around and falls to the ground]
[present:]
Barney: Wait, I'm confused. If it's not around my neck, then where's the shock collar? Oh, God.
Men: Oh, God.
Quinn: It's more of a shock ring, really.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Actually, I'm okay. I found out I'll never trust someone enough to get married, and that's fine. My single life is, and always will be, legen... wait for it...
[a little ways down the road:]
Barney: dary! My wedding is gonna be legendary.
Arthur: So, prenup?
Barney: Not this time.
Robin: [enters] Oh, hey you. Ready for lunch?
Barney: Totally. [Barney and Robin kiss]


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