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28Quotes from ‘Twelve Horny Women’

How I Met Your Mother: Twelve Horny Women

808. Twelve Horny Women

Aired November 26, 2012

As Marshall takes on the most important court case of his career against his former friend Brad, the gang debate who was the biggest delinquent as a teenager.

Quote from Robin

Robin: Lily, let it go. I didn't want to brag, but I think it's time to acknowledge that I was the ultimate teenage badass of this group.
Lily: You were a teen pop star in Canada. You sang songs about the mall.
Robin: Hey. There is a dark side to being a rocker on the road north of the 49th.
[flashback to Robin smoking in a hotel room filled with people when two Mounties arrive:]
Robin: Hey.
Mountie: We've received some noise complaints, eh? Can you please lower the music?
Robin: Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Sure. How aboot, uh, I lower the TV, too, yeah? [throws TV out of the window]
[present:]
Robin: Three hours later, I was arrested drunk, naked, and driving a Zamboni. Man, that DUI drove my insurance through the roof.

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Quote from Lily

Clerk: Sorry, Ms. Aldrin, there's no rap sheet under your name.
Lily: Oh, y-you know what, it must be under my street tag: Number One Gunna.
Clerk: Nope. Sorry, Number One Gunna. Next!
Lily: Those jive-ass turkeys must've lost it.
Ted: Well, they're pretty swamped arresting 1970s pimps like yourself.

Quote from Marshall

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, this a story about the time your Uncle Marshall went before the New York State Judiciary Committee, a panel that would decide the fate of his career. He thought he'd open with an icebreaker.
Marshall: By the way, did I mention those robes really do you all... justice? I'm just saying that you're all guilty... of looking sharp.

Quote from Barney

Bailiff: Barney Stinson?
Barney: Well, if it isn't Warren Frankel. Bailiff Warren Frankel, who knows me.
Bailiff: You know, I almost didn't recognize you without handcuffs on.
Barney: Yeah, I've matured quite a bit since the old days. The only time I'm wearing handcuffs now is, uh, in the bedroom.
Bailiff: Bondage. I get it. Well, I have to run. Stay out of trouble.
Barney: [chuckles] Badass.

Quote from Robin

Robin: Okay, well, to be fair, I may have slightly exaggerated my badass story, too.
[flashback to Robin alone in her hotel room:]
Robin: Oh, sorry. Uh, no, thank you, housekeeping. I've already made my bed. And I only used one washcloth, so it's...
Man: Congratulations, Miss Sparkles. On behalf of the Manitoba Hotel and Curling Rink Association, we'd like to thank you for being the nicest, most well-behaved hotel guest ever.
Robin: Oh, yippee!
[present:]
Ted: What a loser!


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