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33Quotes from ‘Doppelgangers’

How I Met Your Mother: Doppelgangers

524. Doppelgangers

Aired May 24, 2010

Marshall and Lily are ready to start trying for a baby after they see Barney's doppelganger. Meanwhile, Robin receives a job offer that makes her contemplate her future with Don.

Quote from Ted

Robin: Well, that's true. Not every dude can pull off that blond look.
Ted: I don't know about that.
Robin: What?
Ted: Well, that summer I was lifeguarding at the Chagrin Falls Country Club, I was lathering a little lemon juice
into the old mop, playing with some natural highlights. Let's just say there were a few senior citizens who pretended to drown on my watch. And sadly, one who did.

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Quote from Lily

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, up to this point in the story, we had found doppelgangers, eerie but awesome look-alikes, for four of the five members of our little group. There was Lesbian Robin. Mustache Marshall. Stripper Lily. And Mexican Wrestler Me. Yes, mine was the coolest. And so, we were all eager to find the fifth doppelganger, Barney's. Turned out it was more important to some of us than others. And then one day, a few weeks later...
Marshall: Baby, were you serious about the whole fifth doppelganger thing? I mean, having a baby is a pretty big thing to leave up to the universe.
Lily: Yeah, I know it's crazy. It's just so much easier to let the universe decide.Why do you ask?
Marshall: Boom! Universed!
Lily: Oh, my God! Wait, wait, wait, hold on. That could easily be Barney pulling some scam to meet chicks.
Marshall: I'm one step ahead of you.
Barney: [answers phone] Go for Barney.
Marshall: Barney, hey, it's Marshall. So, you are at work? You're not, I don't know, driving a cab, wearing a wig?
Barney: Yes, I'm at work. That's the sound of my stapler. That's the sound of my three-hole punch. And this is the sound of me filing my corporate guidelines n sexual harassment. [shredder] What is up? Gotta go, Big Chief.
Marshall: Barney's at work. That was the fifth doppelganger.
Lily: Marshall Eriksen, put a baby in my belly.

Quote from Lily

Lily: We're not gonna say anything.
Marshall: What? Why?
Lily: Marshall, if we tell them, we're basically inviting them into the most private, intimate moment of our lives.
[fantasy scene of Lily and Marshall kissing in bed:]
Barney: [enters] You guys banging? [both scream] Keep going. I'm not even here. But just for the record, having a baby, huge mistake. Now show me what you got.
Ted: Uncle Teddy's here! [both scream] Quick question. How are you guys gonna handle the whole Santa thing? I'm thinking, just be honest. Oh, hell. I'll dress up.
Robin: [appearing on TV] "This just in" [both scream] Is what Marshall Eriksen is about to say to his wife as he attempts to impregnate her. Chopper 12 is live on the scene with Baby Watch: 2010. [chopper blades whir]
[reality:]
Marshall: Okay, fine. I won't tell anybody about the baby thing.

Quote from Barney

Marshall: Hi. Hey. Hi. Sorry, you don't know me, but I just wanted to say thank you. You're actually a very important person in my life.
Barney: Important? More like legendary. Marshall, it's me, Barney.

Quote from Barney

Marshall: Why are you brunette and driving a cab?
Barney: Oh! That. You know how it's my dream to have sex with at least one woman from every country on the planet?
Marshall: Sure. [Barney pulls down a map of the world] Wow. You're doing surprisingly well
in the Baltics.
Barney: Mmm-hmm. So I figured, what's the quickest way to get around the world in 180 lays? Lease a cab and wait outside the UN building for hot foreign chicks. It was the perfect plan. There was only one small detail
I didn't take into account.
Marshall: Chicks don't want to bang cab drivers?
Barney: Chicks do not want to bang cab drivers. And I put a lot of work into this one.

Quote from Barney

Marshall: I can't believe this. Now I gotta tell Lily the fifth doppelganger is a fake.
Barney: So, what does she care?
Marshall: Lily decided that once we spotted your doppelganger, we'd start trying to have kids.
Barney: Kids! No! Uh-uh! The rule is, no kids until you're at least 45. Do you ever read my blog? It's gotten a lot better.
Marshall: I'm ready to be a dad, you know? But Lily needs some sign from the universe. And now it could be years.
Barney: I'm sorry, buddy. That'll be 37.50.

Quote from Barney

Marshall: Barney?
Barney: [in Eastern European accent] I am simple street performer from Estonia. Who is this Barney?
Marshall: Oh, he's just this guy we know who has, like, a really lame blog.
Barney: I hear it's getting better. I mean, what is "blog"?
Marshall: It's just something that was cool, like, eight years ago.
Barney: Still cool. Still sounds pretty cool, man.
Lily: What's your name?
Barney: Kristof.
Lily: Kristof what?
Barney: Kristof Doppelganger.
Marshall: Really? You're gonna go with the last name "Doppelganger"?
Barney: That's my name, man.
Marshall: Bro.

Quote from Ted

Robin: But, Ted, am I just the biggest idiot in the world?
Ted: Look, think about all of us five years ago, when we first met you. Marshall and Lily were just boyfriend and girlfriend. Now they're married and thinking about kids. And Barney? Barney was never gonna commit to anyone, ever. And last year, he fell in love. And me, I was chasing some girl I was convinced was the one. Now she's one of my closest friends. And you? Five years ago, you never would've chosen love over your career. But today, you did.
Robin: Looks like I'm getting dumber.
Ted: No, just more courageous. Look, we've all been searching for the five doppelgangers, right? But eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgangers. You know, these completely different people who just happen to look like us. Five Years Ago Robin? That girl, she was pretty great. But Doppelganger Robin? She's amazing.

Quote from Lily

Lily: Guys, look! The fifth doppelganger!
Barney: Uh, Lily?That dude looks...
Marshall: [telepathically] Guys, go with it.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, you can ask the universe for signs all you want.
Marshall: It's uncanny.
Lily: Right?
Robin: Looks just like Barney.
Ted: Amazing.
Barney: It's like looking in the mirror.
Future Ted: [v.o.] But ultimately, we only see what we wanna see, when we're ready to see it.
Marshall: So, does this mean...
Lily: Marshall Eriksen, put a baby in my belly.


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