Previous Episode Next Episode 

41Quotes from ‘Architect of Destruction’

How I Met Your Mother: Architect of Destruction

605. Architect of Destruction

Aired October 18, 2010

Ted is conflicted when he learns that the new GNB headquarters he's designing will mean knocking down a New York landmark. Meanwhile, Marshall is upset to learn how much women share about their sex lives.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Ted, I know you love crap old stuff no one cares about. But I'm gonna give yo. four words to live by. New is always better.
Ted: New is always better?
Barney: You know who's a million times hotter than the hottest girl I've ever slept with? Her okay-looking friend
I haven't seen naked. Why? Because new is always better.

Rate

Quote from Barney

Barney: Dude. Working together is gonna be legen... Wait for it. I'll send you an inter-office memo with the rest 'cause we freakin' work together!

Quote from Barney

Ted: I'm sorry. I can't do this if it means tearing down The Arcadian. It's an architectural landmark. Plus, people live there. How does GNB plan to get hundreds of residents to just up and leave?
Barney: Snakes.
Ted: Did you just say "snakes"?
Barney: I don't recall saying "snakes".

Quote from Barney

Ted: And this theory applies to everything?
Barney: Everything.
Ted: So, those new Star Wars movies... Those are better than the old ones?
Barney: Yeah. The first three barely mention the intricacies of intergalactic trade law.
Ted: And when you're at a Guns n' Roses concert, you're like, "Yeah, yeah, Paradise City, whatever. When are they gonna rock me some Chinese Democracy"?
Barney: Axl's really matured as a songwriter, Ted.
Ted: Wendy! I'd like to buy my friend a drink. What's your oldest Scotch?
Wendy: Glenmckenna, aged 30 years in oak casks. Amazing.
Ted: And what's your newest scotch?
Wendy: Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch. Don't let it touch your skin. Your call, buddy.
Barney: A glass of the J-Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch sounds lovely. Lots of ice. New is always better, Ted! That's a rule. Just like bigger is always better!

Quote from Barney

Ted: Did GNB really put snakes in The Arcadian?
Barney: No. Technically, they were eggs.
Ted: Did you just say "eggs"?
Barney: I don't recall saying "eggs."

Quote from Robin

Robin: Girls talk about everything.
Lily: Size, shape, left or right leaning orientation...
Robin: Length, resemblance to a historical figure, such as Winston Churchill. Yes, that's one of you. Girth, grooming...

Quote from Barney

Barney: How can you speak of such things?
Lily: You're kidding. Barney, every time I mention a woman you don't know, the first thing you say is, "Boobs?" Not the complete sentence, "Does she have big boobs?" Which also would not be great. Just: "Boobs?"
Barney: I do not do that.
Lily: My friend Lori from work...
Barney: Boobs? Damn it. But... seriously. Boobs?

Quote from Barney

[As Ted enters the apartment, Barney swivels around on a black leather chair while stroking a white bunny rabbit:]
Ted: How the hell could you do that?
Barney: Simple. I rented the chair. The bunny was here already. That was lucky. I waited to do the dramatic swivel until I heard your key enter the door.

Quote from Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, in the fall of 2010, I was designing the new headquarters for Goliath National Bank, which meant working side by side with your Uncle Barney.
Ted: I love your idea about a giant rooftop ring of fire you can jump through with a motorcycle, but I tweaked it
slightly and... This is still super bad-ass. It's now a patio garden where you can bring a nice bag lunch.
Barney: Sick.

Quote from Barney

Ted: Barney, we have to talk.
Barney: Sure. What's up?
Trish: Excuse me, Mr. Stinson.
Barney: Not now, Trish!
Trish: But there's an urgent memo for Mr. Mosby.
Ted: "Dary."
Barney: Legendary!

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: Oh, yeah.
Lily: Oh, baby. No, no. Not the slipper socks with the rubber soles. I work so hard to-to set the mood, and-and when I see those, I feel the egg go [slurps] right back up my Fallopian tube.
Marshall: Baby, these satin sheets are slippery. Papa needs traction.
Lily: Traction?
Marshall: As you know, Papa likes to get down with enthusiasm.
Lily: Please stop calling yourself "Papa."
Marshall: And without traction, Papa's likely to boogie himself right out of bed. It's either these or soccer cleats.
Lily: [slurps]

Quote from Ted

Barney: This whole Arcadian thing is classic Mosby. Changing your personality to fit some girl.
Ted: I don't do that.
[flashback to Ted about to leave the apartment in rock-climbing gear:]
Ted: Well, off to meet Steph. We're adrenaline junkies!
[flashback to Ted leaving the apartment in a civil war costume:]
Ted: Penelope is taking me to the Battle of Gettysburg. We're gonna eat squirrel! Look, she's really hot, okay?
[flashback to Ted leaving the apartment in a wizard's costume:]
Ted: Look, she's really hot, okay?

Quote from Marshall

Future Ted: [v.o.] That night, as I worked on a new design that just might solve all my problems, Marshall was visited by a disturbing vision.
[As Marshall and Lily kiss in bed, he imagines Lily and Robin sitting in the corner talking about his sexual prowess:]
Imaginary Lily: Ugh, he thinks I like this... But it feels disgusting.
Imaginary Robin: Uh, it looks disgusting.
Marshall: Um... Uh, is this working for you?
Imaginary Lily: "Uh, is this working for you?"
Imaginary Robin: Oh, of course, because what woman doesn't like being slobbered on while some giant paws at her nether regions like Lenny from Of Mice and Men?
Imaginary Lily: Oh, you're bad.
Imaginary Robin: More Cosmos?
Marshall: I can't... I can't do this! I can't stop thinking about you and Robin!
Lily: Oh, I've had that a couple times. Just lean into it and let it fuel things.

Quote from Ted

Zoey: Ted, wh- wh- what are you doing?
Ted: This wouldn't work. Zoey, The Arcadian was a really great building once, but it's falling apart, and it's full of snakes.
Zoey: Snakes?
Ted: I don't recall saying snakes.

Quote from Marshall

Lily: [on the phone] Then he gets this panicked look on his face, says, "I can't do this," and storms out.
Robin: Wow, that is weird.
Lily: But here's the crazier part.
[flashback to Marshall and Lily arguing:]
Marshall: No. You know what? Papa don't back down from a fight. So why don't you tell Robin... about this!
[present:]
Lily: It was amazing. He was passionate, animalistic, a complete stud.
Robin: Wow. So he's right there making you say all this, huh?
Lily: Yup. "'You're like a Greek god,' I moaned, as the..." I can't read that, baby.
Marshall: "Musky scent of man."
Lily: "As the musky scent of man and Marshall's sure-footed traction intoxicated and overpowered me."
Robin: That sounds real.


 Episode 604 Episode 606 
  Select another episode