Robin Sparkles

Robin Sparkles

The story of Robin's time as a teen pop star and actress in Canada. As Robin Sparkles, she was known for songs including "Let's Go to the Mall", "Sandcastles in the Sand", and "P.S. I Love You".  She also starred in a children's show, "Space Teens", with Alan Thicke.

Quote from Robin in Glitter

Robin: Okay, fine, I'll watch it with you.
Barney: Yeah!
Robin: But if either of you makes even one peep about the show being dirty, I'm turning it off. I'm serious.
[on Space Teens:]
Robin Sparkles: Hey Jessica, how's your beaver?
[in the apartment, Ted and Barney spit take]
Jessica Glitter: Great. How's your beaver?
Robin Sparkles: Busy as ever!
[Ted and Barney stifle laughter]
Robin: Our characters had pet beavers.
Ted: [giggles] Sure.
Robin: The beaver is the official animal of Canada. It's our national mascot.
Barney: It's a noble creature.

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Quote from Robin in Slap Bet

[Robin plays the video:]
Robin Sparkles: I know, how about I sing you a song! [singing] Let's go the mall everybody! Come on, Jessica. Come on, Tori.
Robin: I was a teenage pop star in Canada.
Robin Sparkles: Put on your jelly bracelets And your cool graffiti coat. At the mall, having fun Is what it's all about.
Lily: This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
Marshall: That's you?
Robin: Yes. I had one minor hit. I had to go all over Canada and sing this song in malls. For a whole year I lived off of Orange Juliuses and Wetzel's Pretzels.
Robin Sparkles: Everybody come and play. Throw every last care away. Let's go to the mall, today.
Marshall: This is the 90's. Why does it look like 1986?
Robin: The 80's didn't come to Canada till like '93.

Quote from Robin in Glitter

[on Space Teens:]
Alan Thicke: Okay, girls. Everyone knows a beaver's favorite food is wood. I just hope we brought along enough of it for our three-day galactic space journey. So let's do the math. If Robin's beaver devours six inches of wood every half hour, and Jessica's beaver devours eight inches of wood every 45 minutes, how much wood will I need to keep both of these beavers well-fed all weekend long?
[Ted and Barney burst out laughing]
Robin Sparkles: While you figure it out at home, how about [aboot] we sing you a song about [aboot] our beavers?

Quote from Robin in P.S. I Love You

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Announcer: Sparkles's hit records "Let's Go to the Mall' and "Sandcastles in the Sand" both went maple, with "Mall" eventually going double maple.
Luc Robitaille: I've never admitted this till now, but before a big game, I'd listen to "Sand Castles in the Sand" and get a good cry on. I'm not ashamed.
Announcer: But after endless touring, Robin started to crack.
Robin: [1996 interview] Who doesn't love the mall? Shopping with your friends and... I can't do this. Get this out of my face, please. Thank you. Pardon me. Thanks. Sorry.

Quote from Robin in Slap Bet

Robin Sparkles: [singing on video] Everybody come and play. Throw every last care away. Let's go to the mall, [laughs] today!
Barney: Did you have to laugh like that every time?
Robin: Yes.
Robin Sparkles: There's this boy I like. Met him at the food court. He's got hair like Gretzky and he does jumps on his skateboard. I hope he asks me out. Take me to my favorite spot. It'll be just him and me.
Robot: But don't forget the robot.
Marshall: The robot! Hey!
[Marshall and Robin high five]
Robin Sparkles: But, baby, I don't wanna wait.
Ted: No, she doesn't wanna wait.
Robin Sparkles: I'm gonna rock your body anyway. I'm going to rock your body 'til Canada Day. Everybody, come and play. Throw every last care away. Let's go to the mall, today! Today, today, today, today. Let's go to the mall (today). Let's go to the mall (today)...

Quote from Robin in Sandcastles in the Sand

[Robin Sparkles, "Sandcastles in the Sand". Make It Sparkle. Dominant Records]
Robin: [singing] Met you at the mall. Didn't know how far ... My friends said I was a fool. You're a fool. [Shut up]. 'Cause you were a fool and got kicked out of school. [You're so rad.] Together we were gonna travel the globe. From Alberta to Ontario. And now I'm building sandcastles in the sand. [Sandcastles in the sand] Though I could fly when you held my hand. Thought I could fly [But now] Eternity returns to black and white. It was the greatest weekend and a half of my life. We used to go to the beach. On our favorite bench. We'd sit and talk and you taught me to French.

Quote from Robin in Glitter

Robin & Jessica Glitter: [singing] Two beavers are better than one Dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah Two beavers are better than one They're twice the fun Ask anyone A second beaver Can be second to none
Robot: Two beavers are better than one.

Quote from Barney in P.S. I Love You

Barney: So are you the one that Robin stalked?
Simon: Oh, that story goes back to the 1996 Grey Cup.
Barney: What in God's name is that?
Simon: Only Canada's Super Bowl. Didn't you ever see Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes on MuchMusic?
Barney: Again, I have to go with, "What in God's name is that?"
Simon: It's only Canada's VH1's Behind the Music. There's one all about Robin Sparkles. Tells you the whole story from "A" to zed.
[Barney gets up and then runs out of Tim Hortons]

Quote from Robin in P.S. I Love You

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Announcer: With her jelly bracelets, graffiti coat, and totally rad robot, no one symbolized the 1990s in Canada like Robin Sparkles. But as we'd all learn one heartbreaking Grey Cup Sunday, Canada's sweetheart had a dark side.
Paul Shaffer: I'll never forget that moment.
Geddy Lee: A little piece of Canada died that day.
Jason Priestley: To see her throw her life away like that, it was heartbreaking.

Quote from Robin in P.S. I Love You

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Announcer: Her record producer, Chuck "Chuck" Gerussi.
Chuck: Robin Sparkles was big. Gino Vannelli big. Who I discovered by the way.
Announcer: Robin's next song, "P.S. I Love You' was so dark, Dominant Records refused to release it. Few have ever seen the long-lost music video, but we found it.
["P.S. I Love You" music video:]
Robin: [singing] You, you're beautiful On your pedestal I see you You don't see me Am I just too young or just too dumb? Or maybe just too grungy? And I'm wearing my flannel, and I'm thinking of you ♪ I lace up my boots, and I'm thinking of you I write letters and letters They never get answered by you I'll never move on It'll always be you Every guy that I'm with I'll be thinking of you If I get married, he'll always be second to you I'll always be waiting for you P.S. I love you.

Quote from Robin in P.S. I Love You

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Chuck: In 1996, we booked the halftime show for the Grey Cup. Huge gig. We're talkin' Ivor Wynne Stadium in Hamilton, just outside of Guelph. It doesn't get any bigger than that.
Robin: [on stage] Hello, Canada. I'm Robin Sparkles. Actually, I was Robin Sparkles.
Jason Priestley: The whole stadium went silent.
Paul Shaffer: Right then, I knew something terrible was gonna happen. My stomach started churning.
Robin: But Robin Sparkles is dead.
Jason Priestley: All I could hear was Paul Shaffer's stomach growling.
Paul Shaffer: Stress goes to my stomach. Sue me.
Jason Priestley: It was kind of disgusting.
Paul Shaffer: I'm sorry, Jason Priestley. I didn't realize you were the Queen of England.

Quote from Robin in P.S. I Love You

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Robin: My new name is... Robin Daggers! Two, three, four! [sings] Though you're beautiful...
Alex Trebek: That day is now known in music history as the day grunge was born.
[in the apartment:]
Ted: In 1996, in Canada? That seems right, Trebek.
Marshall: Give him a break. He's not a music guy.
[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Geddy Lee: That day is now known in music history as the day that grunge was born.
[in the apartment:]
Marshall: Well, that's a bummer.

Quote from Robin in P.S. I Love You

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Steven Page: It was tragic. I mean, to this day... you ask any Canadian where they were when Robin Sparkles lost it, not only can they tell you which Tim Hortons they were in, but what doughnut they were eating. Me? Wawa, Ontario. Blueberry fritter.
Geddy Lee: Halifax, Nova Scotia. Walnut crunch.
Luc Robitaille: Victoriaville, Quebec. Sour cream plain.
Alex Trebek: Sudbury, Ontario. Honey dip.
k.d. lang: Red Deer, Alberta. Chocolate glaze.
Jason Priestley: Squamish, British Columbia. Crammed a Timbit into a strawberry vanilla and invented The Priestley. Should've been the best day of my life.
Paul Shaffer: It was horrifying on so many levels. [stomach growls] Actually, you know what? I'm sorry, I can't... I just can't talk about this. I'm out of here, okay? I'm out of here. Here, excuse me. I'm sorry. Will you take... No, no, don't move. I'm out. Sorry, sorry.

Quote from Robin in P.S. I Love You

[on "Robin Sparkles: Underneath the Tunes":]
Announcer: Speculation began immediately. Who was Robin Sparkles singing about with those angry, obsessive lyrics? Many names were suggested.
Geddy Lee: It wasn't me.
Steven Page: It wasn't me.
Jason Priestley: Wasn't me.
Luc Robitaille: It wasn't me.
Alex Trebek: It wasn't me.
Dave Coulier: It wasn't me. Why does everyone always think... it's me?
k.d. lang: I wish it was me.
Announcer: But one name comes up more than any other...
[later:]
Barney: Alan Thicke.
Alan Thicke: How can I help you? Doughnut?

Quote from Robin in P.S. I Love You

[Robin Daggers "P.S. I Love You" music video:]
Robin: [singing] The law can't stop my love I'll fit you like a glove Restraining orders don't scare me The lawyers at the record company made me promise to say "That the views expressed in this song do not necessarily Reflect the views of Dominant Records Or any of its subsidiaries" I'm totally a slacker, and I don't even care With my curling zines and my faraway stare But deep down inside, yeah, deep down inside I'm dying I'm trapped in a cage of the tears I cry I'm praying to God, but she doesn't reply Even the robot says...
Robot: Move on.
Robin: I'm trying P.S. I love you

Quote from Robin in Glitter

Jessica Glitter: [singing] Hey, beaver, come on When you feel alone Just pick up that phone And I'll be there
to share my
Robin & Jessica Glitter: Ice cream cone We'll lick it side by side
Barney: Wow. This is so dirty.
Marshall: Come on, Barney. It's a sweet song about friendship.
Ted: Yeah, dude, come on.
Robin & Jessica Glitter: Day is done Two beavers are better than one Dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah Two beavers are better than one They're twice the fun Ask anyone A second beaver can be second to none Two beavers are better than one.
[The Canadian flag unfurls behind Robin and Jessica]
Robin & Jessica Glitter: Dah, dah-dah, dah-dah, dah... You're my favorite beaver...

Quote from Robin in Slap Bet

Ted: Oh, my God. Robin's rapping. Guys, Robin's rapping.
Robin Sparkles: [on video] Went to the mall with a couple of friends. Had a whole week's allowance to spend.

Quote from Ted in Slap Bet

Robin Sparkles: [singing on video] Let's go to the mall today! Everybody loves the mall
Lily: So, just to be clear, you wanted everybody to go to the mall today?
Barney: Wow, we're gonna watch this a lot.
Robin: I even wore a bedazzled jean jacket.
Ted: Hey, just so you know, 16-year-old me would have been all over you. You could have been the girlfriend in Canada I told everyone I had.

Quote from Barney in Sandcastles in the Sand

Robin: I'm sorry. But you guys just don't understand. The fact that he kept the band going...that's impressive! I mean, I gave up my musical dream.
Barney: Which brings us to the most important piece of information from tonight.
[flashback to MacLaren's:]
Barney: So, Simon, how did you guys meet?
Simon: Oh, I was in her video.
Robin: Starred in it is more like it.
Simon: Well, once you win Mr. Teen Winnipeg, everybody wants a piece of the moneymaker.
Barney: I'm sorry. I've seen "Let's Go to the Mall" about a thousand times, and you, sir, are not in it.
Simon: No, I was in the other one.
Barney: There's another video?!
[An excited Barney jumps up and rushes out of MacLaren's]

Quote from Robin in Glitter

[on Space Teens:]
Jessica Glitter: Great job using long division to catch that space burglar, eh?
Robin Sparkles: Well, what can I say? He'll be in galactic jail for the remainder of his life.
Robot: Sparkles, Glitter, we're about to enter an asteroid belt, eh.
Jessica Glitter: [gasps] Brace for turbulence!
Both: [jiggling around] Oh. Oh.

Quote from Robin in Glitter

[on Space Teens:]
Alan Thicke: Girls, if you want to get through the asteroid belt, you've got to use multiplication. To the joystick!
[Robin Sparkles and Jessica Glitter grab hold of a particularly phallic-shaped joystick while Alan Thicke instructs them on a video screen:]
Alan Thicke: Okay, Space Teens, let's multiply! Five times six?
Robin: Oh. 30.
Alan Thicke: Yes! Seven times four?
Jessica Glitter: 28!
Alan Thicke: Keep going! Eight times nine?
Robin: 72!
Alan Thicke: Don't stop now! Almost there! 23 times three?