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30Quotes from ‘The Ducky Tie’

How I Met Your Mother: The Ducky Tie

703. The Ducky Tie

Aired September 26, 2011

Ted tries to make amends with Victoria for how things ended years earlier. Meanwhile, Marshall and Lily make a bet with Barney over a ducky tie.

Quote from Barney

Marshall: No, it's not possible, okay? I was the one who said let's go to Shinjitsu...
[Barney sneezes]
Marshall: Bless you. How could Barney have... You brilliant bastard. It's all so obvious now. For the past, oh, I don't
know how long, five years, every time I've said, "Let's go to Shinjitsu" [Barney sneezes] Bless you. You've sneezed. Every time. [v.o.] And little by little...
[flashback to the guys in the apartment:]
Marshall: Let's go to Shinjitsu. [Barney sneezes] Bless you.
Marshall: [v.o.] ...you forged the association in my brain.
[flashback to the group at MacLaren's:]
Lily: So what should we do for dinner?
Marshall: Let's go to Shinjitsu. [Barney sneezes] Oh, bless you.
Marshall: [v.o.] Until eventually...
[flashback to a furious Marshall and Lily confronting Barney about a bouncy castle in their living room:]
Marshall: Yes, I know I said that we'd be back Sunday, but guess what? We are back now! Now what on earth... Stop bouncing! What on earth would make you think that we'd be okay with this? [Barney sneezes] Let's go to Shinjitsu.
[present:]
Marshall: When you were sick for a week last year, I had Shinjitsu like six times.

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Quote from Barney

Marshall: Hey, what do you guys think of my new ducky tie? Pretty cute, right? And not that much more expensive than a regular tie.
Barney: A ducky tie? Bro, why do you do this when you know I must slam you for it? You guys might want to look away 'cause this ain't gonna be pretty. You ready? Duck, duck... gross. Hashtag burn, hashtag duck tie slam, hashtag Stinson rocks. What else is going on?

Quote from Ted

Ted: Oh, guess who I ran into. A girl from my past. Any guesses?
Lily: Stella.
Barney: Zoe.
Marshall: Karen?
Lily: The girl who beat you up.
Barney: The girl who ruined a photo with Slash!
Marshall: The girl who made you get the butterfly tattoo?
Ted: Wow, you make it sound like I've dated a series of Stieg Larrson novels.

Quote from Lily

Robin: Yeah, it's so funny how the past... you know, you think you're doing fine, but you know, because true love... God, Lily! What on Earth is going on with your cans?
Lily: Oh, these old things? I got my pregnancy boobs! I'm in that sweet spot where the chestal area knows I'm pregnant, but hasn't told the downstairs neighbors.
Barney: Well, what are you waiting for, Lil? Bust 'em out! Make 'em dance!
Lily: No!
Barney: [singing] Let your boobies show!
Marshall: Okay, I'm sorry, pal, but the party in my wife's sweater is a private event, and I'm the bouncer.
Robin: Dude, I think they's the bouncers.

Quote from Barney

Marshall: Oh, good. Here we go. The main event. Oh, we got Takumi. He is good. I mean, who a. I kidding. They're all amazing. Let the dinnertainment begin.
Barney: Oh, that reminds me, there's this other restaurant we should try sometime. What they do is, they cook
your meal in a little room called a "kitchen." What's the name of that...? Oh, yeah! Every Other Restaurant In New York City. Hashtag burn, hashtag Your Tie Is Still Dumb, hashtag refill!

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: Baby, I think I got yours. This one has no booze.
Barney: Oh, no, that's mine. Yeah, I don't know why people think that Mai Tais need booze. I've been drinking virgins all night, and they're delicious.
Marshall: Yeah, well, enjoy your Mai Tai because as of tomorrow night, you'll be wearing my tie. Our future child is so lucky.

Quote from Barney

Lily: Wait. You're not drunk?
Barney: Huh. I guess not. [flicks a piece of food into his mouth with the chopsticks]
Lily: [gasps] It's a hustle! We're gettin' hustled! Oh, this stinks. This stinks to holy hell! He's gonna win the bet!
Marshall: Baby, come on. Even if he was sober as a nun, there's no way he could do what these guys do.
Barney: Exactly. I mean, to learn the trademark secrets of Shinjitsu hibachi cooking, one would have to go all the way... to Hoboken, New Jersey. Yeah, they have a school there. It's a six-month course. They teach you everything.
Marshall: How do you know that?
Barney: Maybe I looked it up on my phone just now. Then again, maybe not. [another food trick]

Quote from Lily

Lily: Whoa! What was that!?
Ted: What was what?
Lily: This guy and Barney just shared a look! [to the hibachi chef] Do you know him?
[The chef shakes his head]
Lily: [gasps] They did it again! This whole thing stinks, I tells ya! It stinks!
Robin: Lily, are you really suggesting that Barney spent six months commuting back and forth to Hoboken to learn a signature cooking style of a restaurant he doesn't even like so he could win a bet he hadn't even made yet? Yeah, the whole thing stinks.

Quote from Marshall

Robin: I mean, yes, seeing Lily's boobs is all you've ever wanted, but come on.
Marshall: All he's ever wanted... Lily, stop! Don't you see? This was his plan all along! He let us think he knows how to do all this Shinjitsu stuff, just so he could get you out here whipping out your milk-makers!
Lily: You son of a bitch! The bet is back on!
Marshall: Nice try, Barney! Nice try. [both laughing]

Quote from Lily

Marshall: Maybe I was wrong.
Barney: Well, I guess that's everything you asked me to do, is it not? Oh, wait! The shrimp in the pocket. A modern classic. And now, for one minute on second base with a firm yet sensual squeeze...
Marshall: Nothing can stop him now.
Lily: One thing can. Make that two things.
[Lily distracts Barney as he performs the final trick by quickly flashing her breasts]
Barney: No!

Quote from Future Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, there was one part I left out.
[flashback to Ted and Victoria at the bus terminal:]
Victoria: Good-bye, Ted.
Ted: Okay, yes. What's the answer?
Victoria: There is a reason that it didn't work out between you and me, but it's not Germany. And I'm willing to bet it's the same reason none of your other relationships in the last six years have lasted either. It's Robin.
Ted: No.
Victoria: Yes. She is so much bigger in your world than you realize. And this thing that you're all doing, you and Barney and Robin, where the three of you hang out at the bar night in, night out, like you're all just buddies? That doesn't work. Trust me.
Ted: No, you've got it all wrong.
Victoria: I'm right about this. Good-bye, Ted.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And sure enough, she was right. It didn't work. We just didn't realize it yet.


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