Barney: We're going to Sascha's.
Ted: Who the hell is Sascha?
Barney: Sascha. [points to security woman] She's having friends over for drinks at her house. It's gonna be legen- wait for it, and I hope you're not lactose intolerant 'cause the second half of that word is -dairy!

Ted: Why do you have those suitcases, and who are we picking up?
Barney: I don't know. Maybe her? Or her.
Ted: Wait, so when you said you were going to "Pick someone up at the airport". You meant you were going to "pick someone up" at the airport.
Barney: [winks] Scenario. Couple of girls fly into town, looking for a fun weekend in NYC when they meet two handsome international business men just back from a lucrative trip to Japan. Sample dialogue, "You have a wheelie bag? Wh- I have a wheelie bag!"
Ted: You've gotta be kidding me.
Barney: False. Sidebar, tuck in your shirt. You look sketchy.
Ted: I'm sketchy?
Barney: Trust me, it's going to be legendary.
Ted: Don't say "legendary", okay? You're too liberal with the word legendary.
[flashback:]
Barney: We're building an igloo in Central Park. It's gonna be legendary. Snow suit up!

Barney: [on the phone] MacLaren's is bore, snore. Ted, tonight we're going to go out. We're going to meet some ladies. It's going to be legendary. Phone-five! [high-fives the phone]
Future Ted: [v.o.] I had no idea why I hung out with Barney.
Barney: You didn't phone-five did you? I know when you don't phone-five, Ted.

Barney: [on the phone] Come on, we always go to MacLaren's.
Ted: Yeah, cause MacLaren's is fun.
Barney: MacLaren's is this much fun. What I'm offering is the chance to have this much fun.
Ted: See, you say that. You say it's going to be this much fun. But most of the time it ends up being this much fun. This much fun is good! It's safe. It's guaranteed!
Barney: This hand gesture thing doesn't really work on the phone, does it?
Ted: No, it doesn't.

Barney: Ted, Ted, Ted. Right here! This is happening. Now you can either put your bags on the carousel now, or you can listen to me give you a really long speech convincing you to put the bags on the carousel. Your move. [silence] Ted, since the dawn of time mankind has struggled... [Ted puts the bags on the carousel]

Barney: Okay, carousel four is tapped out. Ready? Because I'm about to drop some knowledge. Cute girls are not from Buffalo.

Barney: This is an outrage. We are international businessmen on an international business trip. I demand you release us immediately.
Ted: You demand!? No, no, no, no, no, he does not demand. We... we... We have no demands!

Ted: Look, this is all just... It's a misunderstanding.
Barney: [to Ted] Please. We are international businessmen. My colleague accidentally left the bags there now please let us go before we miss our international business meeting.

Ted: Truth is, my friend he does this thing where he goes to airports with fake luggage to pick up girls and we followed some here to Philadelphia. That's it! That's all this is!
Officer McNeil: Nobody's that lame.
Ted: Yes, he's that lame. Tell them you're that lame!
Barney: We are international businessmen...
Ted: Oh, come on!

Barney: Did you hear that, Ted? Dana works security at the Liberty Bell.
Dana: I do okay.
Barney: Wow, it must be really well cornered off over there. You ever go behind the rope and touch it?
Dana: Only all the time.
Barney: Ever, like, stick your head inside it?
Dana: Yeah.
Barney: Did you ever lick it?
Dana: Nope, I have never licked it.
Barney: Hmm... I bet nobody in history has ever licked the Liberty Bell! If someone were to pull that off I dare say it would be... what's the word?
Ted: Well, this is my stop.
Barney: Legendary, Ted. Legendary!