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34Quotes from ‘The Rehearsal Dinner’

How I Met Your Mother: The Rehearsal Dinner

912. The Rehearsal Dinner

Aired December 2, 2013

As Barney and Robin's rehearsal dinner approaches, he's obsessed with the idea of having it at a laser tag arena. Meanwhile, Lily is determined to prove she can keep a secret, and Ted changes his mind on a promise he made to Barney and Robin.

Quote from Barney

Robin: I can't believe you did all of this. Hey, I thought you didn't like Canada.
Barney: Are you kidding? I love Canada. Holy musk ox, is that legendary Canadian doctor Frederick Banting? Whoa!
Frederick Banting: In 1924, I discovered insulin. Take that, diabetes.
Barney: Hey, look, it's Manitoba's native son, Norman Breakey.
Norman Breakey: You're welcome, world. Enjoy my invention, the paint roller.
Barney: And of course, you know Alan Thicke.
Alan Thicke: Hey, hey, you. You are the prettiest girl in the place.
Robin: Oh, thank you, Alan.
Barney: All right, all right, all right. Hey, look, it's Louise Poirier, who I think worked for the company that probably created Wonderbra.
Woman: [speaks French]
Robin: Okay, okay.
Barney: Canadians also helped win two World Wars. And gave the world Neil Young, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen, Pamela Anderson, one quarter of Barney Stinson, instant mashed potatoes, and best of all, you.

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Quote from Barney

Barney: Why is it so cold in here? You trying to get me to talk or something?
Security Guard: Not really. In fact, if you could just sit there quietly...
Barney: Fine, I'll talk. It all started a few months ago, when I had the most awesome idea ever.
[flashback to a few months ago:]
Barney: Laser tag rehearsal dinner!
Ted: That might be the worst idea you've ever had, which is saying a lot.
Barney: Name one bad idea I've ever had.
Lily: Gluten-free edible panties.
Marshall: Hot dog on a stick on a bun.
Ted: Inflatable sex toy life raft.
Lily: The Breast Augmentation Channel.
Robin: Single malt scotch tape.
Marshall: The time you ran for mayor.
Barney: I still have 12,000 buttons that say, "The only poll I care about is in my pants."

Quote from Robin

Marshall: Where is this wedding gonna be, anyway?
Robin: You know, I thought it might be nice to get married in Canada. I mean, it's where I'm from, and... [all laugh] Okay. Let's have it. Get it over with, Get it all out of your system.
Barney: I'm the groom. I'm the groom, I might as well start. Canada? What, are we gonna walk down the aisle to Crash Test Dummies? Play's to Marshall.
Marshall: Canada? What are you gonna do, hire a regular dog sled or a stretch?
Ted: Canada? Are you registered at Tim Hortons?
Lily: Canada. Oh, does the organist play wearing mittens?
Marshall: Canada? How are you gonna slip the ring on the bride's finger If she's wearing mittens?
Robin: Two mitten jokes in a row? So... You're pretty much done, then?
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, we weren't even close.

Quote from Ted

Lily: Setting aside the fact that I've kept your whole "moving to Chicago" thing a secret, aren't you supposed to be dressed like Liberace right now?
Ted: Okay, first of all, if I showed up in costume, it would steal from the surprise and spectacle of my grand entrance. And second of all, I'm not doing that.
Lily: Why not?
Ted: Because dressing like Liberace is easy, but...
[flashback to Ted taking a piano lesson dressed as Liberace:]
Ted: Uh, yes, 4/4, e-sharp... Major... Okay. Let's make something beautiful, shall we? [inhales deeply] I think that's
enough for today.

Quote from Barney

Barney: So I left. And what do you know, The ice store is right next to a laser tag place!
Robin: No, it isn't! It's six miles away In the opposite direction.
Robin: And I told you not to go!
Barney: Yeah, well, you also told me you didn't want a ring bear at the wedding.
Robin: Ring bear-er!

Quote from Barney

Barney: Fine! Fine. You're right, Robin. Marriage isn't about playing crazy pranks. It isn't about telling long expertly crafted lies to cover those pranks...
Robin: How'd you get out of those handcuffs?
Barney: And hiring actors to play security guards. And spending exorbitant amounts of money on things like giant, fake laser tag signs. No, it's about honesty. Size six skate, right?
Robin: Yeah.
Barney: And in that spirit, I got to be honest. Every now and then, I am gonna lie to you. I just am. If it's in the interest of an amazing surprise, that is. You're gonna get bamboozled, hoodwinked. Heck, I'll just say it. You're gonna get snowed.
Robin: Why is it snowing in here?
Barney: Put on the skates. We gotta go.
Robin: Where? Where are we going?
Barney: To the rehearsal dinner, silly. Let's get this party started.
[Barney presses the "Let's get this party started button." The walls of the security guard's office lift up, to reveal a party on the ice rink.]
Robin: What?!
All: Surprise!
Robin: What- What is going on?
Barney: I know how much you wanted to be in Canada this weekend. So I brought Canada to you. Oh, and here's an autographed picture of Wayne Gretzky.
Robin: Thanks.
Barney: And this guy's not really a security guard.

Quote from Barney

Alan Thicke: [singing] Once there was this boy who Wore a lot of suits and said that stuff was "legendary"
James: [singing] He gave lots of high fives and swore...That he would never get married He really thought
he meant it

Quote from Robin

Barney: Canada. What do we ask on the wedding invitation? "Will you be having the elk or the moose?"
Lily: Canada. What, are you gonna walk down the aisle wearing snowshoes?!
Marshall: Canada. What, is everyone gonna have access to universal healthcare so no one has to choose between going bankrupt and treating a life-threatening illness?
Ted: Canada? W- What's the band gonna play for your first dance? Crash Test Dummies? See, it's funny 'cause who gets a band?
Robin: Enough. It was just an idea.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Okay, okay. Seriously, Robin, doing it here in New York would be easier, since all of our friends and a lot of our family are here. But I want you to have the wedding that you want. So if it's Canada, kust say the word.
[stifles a laugh] And then say it again in French.


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