Robin: And it's not like the opposite would work. There's no way a guy could pick up a girl, going around talking like a little boy.
Barney: Challenge accepted.
Robin: No.
Barney: I, Barney Stinson, will pick up a girl whilst talking like a little boy.

Robin: You know, um, there's something that I wanted to ask you, and I don't really know how to say it so... Here goes. Who's the crazy chick in the apron?
Woman: [baby talk] Someone naughty left his toys on the floor and needs to be spanked on his tushy-tush.
Barney: [baby talk] Uh-oh, I'm in "twubble."
Robin: You did it? How?
Barney: Last night, after admitting defeat, I just let myself go.
[flashback to Barney eating ice cream at MacLaren's:]
Woman: Ooh, that looks so good. Can I have some?
Barney: No! It's my ice cream! You can't have any!
Woman: Someone needs to teach you how to share. Who's your mommy?
[present:]
Barney: Challenge completed! Now, uh, can you get this freak out of here? I'm really scared.

Marshall: Okay! I made a list of awesome baby names. Starting at the top: number one...
Ted: I'm gonna stop you right here, Marshall. You name a chubby white kid "LeBron," and he's the one getting stuffed in the basketball hoop.
Marshall: Then I'm also crossing off, um, "Shaquille", "Hakeem," and "Dikembe."

Marshall: Hey, what about "Rob"?
Lily: "Rob"? No.
Marshall: Why not?
[flashback to Lily's kindergarten class:]
Lily: Hey, Rob. What are you gonna make? A turkey?
[The boy takes his finger-paint covered hand and...]
Rob: Honka, honka!
[Lily has a small, blue hand print on the left breast region of her top]
[present:]
Lily: Not "Rob."

Barney: I'm dying out here. Talking like a little boy is not working with the ladies.
[montage of Barney approaching women:]
Barney: Wow, lady. You got some tig ol' bitties!
Barney: Gosh! Your body's a perfect... This many.
Barney: Hi. Do you want to wrestle with our special bathing suit places? Come on!

Lily: We're idiots.
Marshall: Baby, names and gender, it's just, like... it's some way of giving ourselves the illusion that we have any control whatsoever. I... I just want a healthy, happy, 12-pound...
Lily: Whoa.
Marshall: Ten-pound? [Lily signals lower] Eight-pound?
Lily: I guess, but, dude, you're writing checks my vagina can't cash.

Marshall: Okay, um, how about "Ryan"?
Lily: Ooh. Not "Ryan."
[flashback to Lily in her kindergarten class, screaming after a boy jabs a pencil into her thigh]
Lily: Not Ryan.
Marshall: "Johnny?"
[flashback to Lily's kindergarten class:]
Lily: Hey, where's the goldfish?
[Lily looks over and sees the tail fin of a goldfish sticking out of a young boy's mouth]
Lily: Not "Johnny." Or "Gil."
Marshall: "Jeremy."
[flashback to Lily's kindergarten class:]
Lily: Jeremy, no!
[A boy who is painting flicks red paint at Lily and her white top]
[present:]
Lily: Definitely not "Jeremy." His stuff was so derivative.

Robin: Okay, no holds barred... What'd you think of Becky?
Ted: [murmurs] I thought she was charming.
Robin: You, too? Can somebody please explain to me why the little girl act works on men?
Barney: You want the long version or the short version?
Lily: Short version.
Barney: Short version. Who's your daddy? [all groan]

Marvin Sr.: [on video chat] Yeah, all boys. Total co-winky-dink. [after Judy walks away] It was no co-winky-dink. Since the Viking age, the Eriksen men have passed down ancient secrets for conceiving boys. Number one, avoid lemons. They're baby girl fertilizer.
Marshall: Okay. No offense, Dad, but I doubt there's any scientific data to support...
Marvin Sr.: [mocking] "I doubt there's any scientific data to support..." I had all sons. Your grandfather had all sons. Your great-grandfather had all sons. Scoreboard! Who you gonna listen to? Me? Or "scientific data"?

[Barney trying to pick up a series of women:]
Barney: Hey, want to have a three-way with me and my imaginary friend? His name's Otis.
Barney: Hey, hey, want to come to my house and play telephone? I got the string; you got the cans.
Barney: I wet myself! Will you change me? Can't blame her on that one.