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34Quotes from ‘The Stamp Tramp’

How I Met Your Mother: The Stamp Tramp

807. The Stamp Tramp

Aired November 19, 2012

Marshall's friends try to discourage him from giving his "stamp of approval" to his old classmate Brad. Meanwhile, Robin acts as Barney's agent as he searches for a new strip club, and Ted watches his old video diaries from college.

Quote from Barney

[flashback:]
Man: Mr. Stinson, we might not have the best strippers at Moneyballs, but we use sabermetrics to get you a stripper with a five body, sure, and another with a butter face, but together, with their tireless grinding, we guarantee a high on-pants percentage.
[flashback:]
Barney: I gotta be honest with you, Fred, I can't really see myself signing with the Golden Oldies.
Fred: Well, that's what everyone says... at first. But our GILFs have got class. They've got maturity and experience, and the kind of mind-blowing flexibility that only comes from advanced hip dysplasia.
[flashback:]
Man: Barney, the Lusty Leopard would be lost without you. I think you're really gonna like a couple of the girls we just pulled up from the minors. Don't leave us!

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Quote from Marshall

Lily: Well, maybe this isn't the moment to stick your neck out for Brad.
Marshall: Well, that's not how I was raised. Back in St. Cloud, we believe in people, people like Gudren Olsen, the town wino who became our mayor. They even wound up naming a bridge after him. The one he drove off.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Man, these strip clubs want me so bad. They're sending me T-shirts, beer cozies. Sticky's even sent me a boob-shaped hand-sanitizer dispenser. It's clean and dirty at the same time.

Quote from Robin

Robin: [on headset] So? A lot of strip clubs are into my client. If you want the Melon Patch to be in the mix, we're gonna need bigger melons and smaller patches. Otherwise, your establishment is not where Barney Stinson is gonna pitch his tent. [to Barney] B Dawg, Barn Door, Stinson-natti, Bro-hio! Talk to me. How's it hangin'?
Barney: You are killing it at this agent thing! I just got a big box at Yankee Stadium from the ladies at The Big Box. One question, Golden Oldies just sent me a fax machine and a Charo calendar. Aren't they out of the running?
Robin: Yeah, but those old bitches don't need to know that.

Quote from Ted

Lily: Wait, that's the giant suit Marshall wore on our third date.
[on tape:]
Ted: So, Marshall Eriksen, you just came back from your third date with Lily. How was it?
Marshall: Great, yeah. I just... I think I'm falling for this girl pretty hard. But is everything happening too fast? I mean, maybe I should see other people.
Ted: Whoa, dude, no! Lily Aldrin is special. You hold on to that girl.
Marshall: She is. I'm only 18 and...
Ted: Marshall, you being 18 isn't a bad thing. It just means you get to spend even more of your life with her. I mean, I'm probably not gonna meet my wife until I'm, like, 23.
Marshall: You're right. What am I thinking? I'm in love with this girl.
[reality:]
Lily: Ted, oh, my God. You gave me the ultimate stamp. And in my whole life, this life... it all goes back to that moment.
[on tape:]
Ted: I mean, maybe take a month off, bang a couple chicks. Lily's not going anywhere.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for "The Decision". Yeah. Ladies, my bro-dium? Yeah. Look at this! [over mic] Man, this whole free agent experience, it's been an unbelievable experience, a real humbling experience. First of all, The Lusty Leopard is where I developed my game. I have nothing but the utmost respect for you skanks.
Ted: He's just gonna stay at The Lusty Leopard. They have loyalty and heart. I bet you he rewards that.
Marshall: LeBron moved on, Ted. So should you.
Barney: But Barney Stinson has to do what's right for Barney Stinson's penis. In this fall... This is tough. Um, in this fall I'm going to take my talents to Mouth Beach.


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