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36Quotes from ‘Garbage Island’

How I Met Your Mother: Garbage Island

617. Garbage Island

Aired February 21, 2011

Marshall questions his career choices when he watches a documentary about garbage. Meanwhile, Ted runs into Zoey's ex-husband, The Captain, and Robin sense that Barney's feelings for Nora are stronger than he lets on.

Quote from Barney

Robin: You really are smitten.
Barney: No, I'm not. I'm Barney Stinson. I don't get smitten, I smite!
Robin: You are totally smitten, but you're scared of being in a relationship.
Barney: No, I'm not. I can't be anyone's boyfriend, Robin. If I got serious with Nora, it would be like if Mother Teresa focused all her attention on one really hot orphan. With great penis comes great responsibility.


Quote from Robin

Marshall: Garbage Island. You haven't heard of Garbage Island? It's an island... made of garbage! It's in the Pacific Ocean. It's twice the size of Texas!
Robin: In other words, one-eighth the size of Canada. So...

Quote from Barney

Lily: No, it's more than that. It's like, all the stuff he used to love, he suddenly has no interest in anymore.
Barney: Oh. Ha-wink.
Lily: Excuse me?
Barney: Lily, in my travels, I've developed a finely calibrated sense of how long it's been since... How do I not put this delicately? A girl's been porked. And, boo, you've been pork-free so long, you're practically kosher.
Lily: It's been a while.
Barney: Five weeks, three days by my estimation.
Lily: You should work at a carnival.
Barney: I tried. They're pretty strict with backgrounds.

Quote from Barney

Robin: Oh, I see what's going on.
Barney: Yeah?
Robin: This is about Nora. You met a girl, you liked her, but then you missed your shot. And now you're trying to hook up with your ex-girlfriend to prove to yourself that you don't care.
Barney: Robin, you could not be more-
Robin: What do you mean I missed my shot? Nora met a guy.
Barney: What?! What?
Robin: Yep. Off the market. He's taking her to Cafe L'Amour this Friday night.
Barney: But "L'Amour" means love! They're going to the cafe of love! I'm fine. It's fine. Point is, Robin, I don't even like Nora. [smiles] Damn it!

Quote from Robin

Robin: Okay, Mother Teresa, throw me one.
Barney: Sorry?
Robin: I would like it if you threw me one. Fastball, right down the middle. Actually, if I recall correctly, a slight curve.
Barney: Careful, Robin, I'll do it.
Robin: Oh, I don't think you will. Hmm. Because you don't want to screw things up with Nora. Hey, prove me wrong. Tomorrow night, my place.
Barney: Don't poke the dragon, Robin, 'cause the dragon will poke you back.

Quote from Marshall

Lily: Sex now, we'll do the foreplay after.
Marshall: Oh, no, baby, come on. Today didn't go so well.
[flashback to Marshall at work:]
Marshall: The green initiative, for only $12 million, will change the way...
Arthur: Okay, I've heard enough. Don't we already have a green initiative? I mean, didn't we do a whole thing? Hang a banner, make a video, Sting was there. I thought I met Sting.
Man: You did meet Sting.
Arthur: Yeah, I met Sting. So why on Earth would we spend another $12 million?
Marshall: Well, because we can always do more.
Arthur: Yeah, but I met Sting.
Marshall: Well, meeting Sting isn't gonna fix anything, Arthur!

Quote from The Captain

Ted: You think Zoey's sleeping with the doorman?
The Captain: He always winks and tips his hat when he sees her. I know how these things work. He holds her package, and pretty soon, she's holding his. And then there's his glorious mustache. I will have him fired for this!
Ted: No, no, no, you can't fire him.
The Captain: You're right. Maritime protocol demands physical retribution!
Ted: Oh, my God! No, no! No physical retribution! Stop!
The Captain: Who is this flower child, and what has he done with my lionhearted friend Ted Mosby?!
Ted: Look, look, yes, yes, the doorman is a scoundrel. The mustache alone gives that away. He's a rake, a rogue, a rapscallion!
The Captain: Whoa, "rapscallion" may be going a bit far, Ted.

Quote from The Captain

Ted: But it's not his fault, okay? It's nobody's fault. You and Zoey have nothing in common. For God's sake, Captain, she hates boats! You're just not right for each other. Look, I know it's tough to face, but I'm sure a small part of you has always known that.
The Captain: Why couldn't she just like boats? Just to have one thing in common? Other girls like boats, don't they?
Ted: Of course they do.

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