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39Quotes from ‘Something Borrowed’

How I Met Your Mother: Something Borrowed

221. Something Borrowed

Aired May 7, 2007

Everything that can go wrong does go wrong on Marshall and Lily's big day. Meanwhile, Barney learns the trick to getting what you want at a wedding.

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: Oh, no. I don't have my vows.
Lily: I don't have mine either.
Ted: You don't need your vows. Just say why you love each other.
Marshall: Okay, I'll go first. Lily, there are a million reasons why I love you. You make me laugh and you take care of me when I'm sick. You're sweet, caring and you even created an egg dish and named it after me. She puts a little Italian dressing in scrambled eggs before she cooks them. It's called "Eggs Marshall," and it's awesome. But the main reason that I love you is that you're my best friend, Lily. You're, uh... you're the best friend I ever had. [to Ted] I'm sorry, buddy.
Ted: No problem.
Barney: It's totally okay.

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Quote from Lily

Lily: My turn. Oh, thank you. Marshall, I love you because you're funny and you make me feel loved and you make me feel safe and for our anniversary you gave me a sweatshirt that says, "Lily and Marshall. Rockin' It Since '96." I kinda wish I was wearing it right now 'cause it smells like you. But the main reason I love you, Marshall Eriksen, is you make me happy. You make me happy all the time.

Quote from Barney

Lily: So, we've decided on a small, outdoor wedding, just family and close friends. No more than 25 people in a beautiful garden somewhere, maybe an acoustic guitar playing while we walk down the aisle.
Barney: And maybe you already know someone who went down to the courthouse and registered as an officiant so that he or she - he- could perform the ceremony.
Robin: But you hate marriage. Why do you want to perform the ceremony?
Barney: Because it subtly implants in the mind of every woman there that when I ask a question, you say, "I do." Yeah.

Quote from Barney

Lily: So now, instead of an acoustic guitar, we're having a harp player. Yeah. My dad owes a guy, and... that guy's daughter plays the harp.
Barney: Is she hot? I'd love to be able to cross "harp player" off my list.
Marshall: How long is this list?
Barney: Dude, I'm not gonna count how many pages the list is. I'm not crass.
Lily: Well, it doesn't matter anyway. She's pregnant.
Barney: Sweet! I can cross off two things.

Quote from Robin

Lily: Wow. Andrea. You really are pregnant.
Andrea: Yeah.
Robin: How do you play the harp with your belly so...?
Andrea: Oh, I don't really. I can only reach about half the strings.
Robin: You only play half the harp?
Andrea: Yeah.
Robin: Oh, no. Uh, okay. Lily, I will take care of this. Um, I'll just pluck the other half. Is it hard to learn?
Andrea: I've been studying the harp for 12 years.
Robin: Yeah, but I'm a fast learner. You ever hear of "Guitar Hero"? Learned that in a day. Is there a "Harp Hero"?

Quote from Barney

Barney: I need a glass of wine.
Barman: And I need you to get out of my face.
Barney: It's for the bride, so...
Barman: White or red?
Barney: White. And, uh... she'd also like a scotch and soda.
Barman: You got it.
Barney: She'd also like a bowl of smoked almonds.
Barman: I don't have any, but I guess I could run out to the corner and get some.
Barney: Well, it's only the biggest day of her life, so... [The barman leaves] Let the games begin.

Quote from Lily

Robin: There's no photographer? Oh, my God. Okay, I just have to call...
Lily: Robin, stop. Stop. It's okay. I am not gonna let anything get to me today.
[33 minutes before the wedding:]
Janice: I just got a call from the florist. The flowers won't be here till halfway through the ceremony.
Lily: I'm okay.
[28 minutes before the wedding:]
Barman: I hate to bother you, but... I think I found your veil in the parking lot.
Lily: I'm fine.
[24 minutes before the wedding:]
Andrea: Just FYI: my water broke. But I can probably... [panting]... make it through.
Lily: Totally cool.
[21 minutes before the wedding:]
Robin: Oh, no. Lily, I think I forgot your bridal panties. I- I thought I had them. I'm so sorry.
Lily: Oh, it's okay, I'll just wear the ones I have on.
Robin: Are you sure?
Lily: I'm marrying Marshall today. So it doesn't even matter that I'm gonna walk down the aisle without a veil in a room that has no flowers to the music of half a harp played by a woman who's crowning, as my high school boyfriend reads Guns N' Roses lyrics. But that's okay, because there's no photographer there to take any pictures of it anyway.

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: My hair! Look at my hair! She ruined my hair! I look like one of the Backstreet Boys!
Barney: You totally do. And not even the good Backstreet Boys, the older, lame dance move, comeback tour Backstreet Boys.
Ted: The good Backstreet Boys?

Quote from Marshall

[flashback to Marshall getting his hair cut by Lily's cousin:]
Marshall: So, um, just not-not too short, okay?
Amy: Oh, no, we don't even have to cut it at all. Could just give it some style.
Marshall: Oh, okay, yeah, that's great. 'Cause, um, when it gets too short, it starts to look weird. And I don't want to look weird when I'm up there, you know.
Amy: Ooh, I could give you some cool guy tips.
Marshall: I don't think I need advice on how to be cool, but yeah, great, lay that on me.

Quote from Marshall

Ted: Dude, you shaved your freakin' head.
Marshall: Yeah, yeah, but it's good. I ought to shave it all off. What a great solution. Just be bald 'cause it's cool, right? Bruce Willis, Michael Jordan, Britney Spears... Oh, God, what did I do?! How could you let me shave my head?!
Ted: What?!
Marshall: You're the worst best man ever! I hate you! I'm not going out there! I'm leaving and I'm never coming back. I'm gonna go find that money under the rock by the tree and go live with the guys on the beach in Zihautanejo.
Ted: Dude, those guys are criminals.
Marshall: Only Red Andy was falsely accused.

Quote from Ted

Ted: We're having a little bit of a problem back there, and, Um, and I was wondering if you could help us out.
Ben: Yeah.
Ted: Marshall accidentally shaved part of his head.
Ben: Oh, no!
Ted: Yeah. Yeah, so here's what I was thinking. What if I found something to cover up the bald area?
Ben: Yeah, that would probably work, but with what? That's a tough one.
Ted: Maybe a wig of some sort or a, um... toupee. Something that matches his hair color, which is, which is kind of the same color as the top of your hair.
Ben: Mm, yeah. Does anyone here wear a toupee? Shouldn't be hard to find out. Most of them are pretty bad.
Ted: That is true. That is true. We just need to find someone who wears a toupee that is the same color as Marshall's and your hair.
Ben: Boy, that's a pretty tall order.
Ted: Really? You can't think of any place in the general area where there might be a toupee of the kind I'm describing to you?
Ben: No, not off the top of my... No. Can't.
Ted: Let me come at this from a different angle. I got $50 in my pocket which is probably a lot more... Barney comes and takes the toupee.
Barney: The bride needs this.

Quote from Barney

Lily: What happened? Remember the wedding we wanted, the intimate outdoor ceremony?
Marshall: I wish we could have that wedding.
Ted: So do it.
Marshall: What?
Ted: Get married now. Right here. Look, it's outside like you always wanted. Intimate, close friends. There's no guitar, but it's pretty close. Barney can officiate.
Barney: Yes. Yes, I can. Uh, excuse me, guys. You all dropped something: your jaws. Because Barney Stinson is about to aid and abet a marriage.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Marshall, do you take Lily to be your wife to have and to hold from this day forward?
Lily: Slow down.
Barney: I can't. From this day forward so as long as you both shall live?
Marshall: I do.
Barney: Lily, do you promise to take Marshall to be your husband to have and to hold ... forward so long as you both shall live?
Lily: I do.
Barney: Okay, then, by the power invested in me by the very bitter old Pakistani man who works down at the courthouse on Lafayette Street, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Quote from Future Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.]After that, we all went back inside for the second wedding. And yes, a lot of things did go wrong, but it didn't matter because when I look back on that day, what I remember is the first wedding; the intimate outdoor ceremony with just close friends and an acoustic guitar.


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