Robin: "Dear Diary. It is day four on this island, which the natives have dubbed "Long Island," perhaps referencing how each hour here feels like it may never end. So far, they have welcomed me and given me a rare glimpse into their bizarre way of life. By 'entertainment,' they mean table shuffle board, macramé classes, and other non-stimulating activities which are only used in Manhattan to calm down drug addicts and the criminally insane. A preliterate society, their menus display pictures of the food they offer, everyone is forced to sing 'Happy Birthday' four or five times a meal, and dessert has fireworks in it. In their lairs, they often don a primitive shroud called a 'Snugget,' and it is not uncommon for them to go to sleep before 9 p.m., fearing, as they do, the night. Also Diary, I think writing in you is stupid, but you were a gift from Lily, and she's watching me right now."

Ted: "Dear Lily and Marshall, I don't know if you know this, but I never took your names off the lease. Well, today I took my name off it. The apartment is now yours. And I think I finally figured out the best thing to do with Robin's old room. See, for me, this place has begun to feel a little haunted. At first, I thought it was haunted by Robin, but now I think it was haunted by me. Well, no ghost is at peace until it finally moves on. I need a change. And I think you do, too. This apartment needs some new life. So, please, make our old home your new home. It is now ghost-free. Love, Ted."

Robin: "It's become clear to me, Diary, that I must attempt a dramatic escape. I will fake a stomach ache during dinner. Then, after Marshall and Lily leave for bingo night, I will sneak out the back. I'll swipe Shirley's Rascal and drive to the train station. Shirley's 42, by the way, and rides a Rascal. I swear, it's the second half of Wall-E out here."
[As Robin attempts to sneak out in the dark , the front door is locked. The lights go on and Marshall and Lily are seated at the table. Marshall holds Robin's diary]
Marshall: Bingo... was canceled.

Lily: Now, I got you a journal. I know this sounds lame, but it really helps work through stuff to write about it.
Robin: Oh. "Dear Diary. The fantasies of killing Marshall's mom have become more vivid. Today, I scalped her with a..."
Lily: Whoops, that one's mine.

Lily: You are going to have so much fun here.
Robin: Oh, guys, please, do not feel like you have to keep me entertained.
Marshall: Well, you shouldn't have come to East Meadow, Long Island, Robin, if you didn't want to be entertained.
Robin: Really? I didn't think there was a ton to do here.
Lily: Oh, apparently, someone hasn't heard of the Uniondale Miniatures Museum.
Marshall: You'll come for the 19th century thimble art, but you'll stay for the Dutch masters on bottle caps.
Lily: Plus, you'll be bowling with two charter members of the East Meadow Alley Cats.
Marshall: "We're a hot dog eating team with a bowling problem."
Lily: Shirley came up with that one. Great bowler, Shirley. She hit 280 the other day.
Marshall: Unfortunately, that was on her bathroom scale.

Barney: Uh, look, Karma, I swear I never say crap like this, but... I think maybe the universe is telling us something. You want to go out again?
Quinn: I'm sorry, I don't date customers.
Barney: What about destiny?
Quinn: I heard she's over at The Melon Patch now.
Barney: No, I mean like fate telling us that we're supposed to be...
Quinn: Oh, listen, Barney, my manager is really giving me the stink eye. I have to get back to work.
Barney: Okay, wait, wait. What if I pay for a dance? That way, your manager's happy, and then I can to tell you why you should go on another date with me.
Quinn: I guess there's no reason why not.
Barney: Okay, first off, we have a lot in common. For example, both of our jobs are largely financed by drunk Asian businessmen.

Robin: Guys, um, I don't want to overstay my welcome, and Patrice said that she would take me off your hands. So, do you have a train schedule or...
Lily: Oh, yeah, um, but-but there's a-a problem with the train.
Marshall: Big, big problem.
Lily: There was a...
Marshall: Strike.
Lily: A lightning strike.
Marshall: That hit one of the picketers who was on strike.
Lily: During a thunderstorm.

Robin: Hey, uh, Lil, are you done washing my clothes yet? Because I...
Lily: Oh, I am so sorry. Your clothes accidentally wound up in the bag I donated to Goodwill.
Robin: You gave away my clothes?
Lily: They were a bit fancy for East Meadow. [whispers] People were staring.
Marshall: Besides, we have an extra Snugget. Try it. Try it, Robin.
[cut to Robin, wearing the Snugget, eating ice cream from the tub in front of a mirror:]
Robin: "They're trying to make me one of them, Diary. And I begin to fear... I may like it!"

Future Ted: [v.o.] The next morning, Barney learned that even in a city of eight million people, there's no escaping Karma.
Quinn: Oh. Oh, hey.
Barney: Sorry, can't talk; manager's watching.
Quinn: Look, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings; it's a job.
Barney: Yeah, well, at my job, we don't rip out people's hearts for money. My company briefly backed a lab in North Korea which did, but we sold it!
Quinn: You know, I've worked at that club for a year. You practically live there, and you didn't even recognize me the night we went out. You can't pretend to be some hurt little victim with me. I know you.
Barney: Well, of course you do. I told you things I don't tell anybody. I was honest with you.
Quinn: Yeah, because I believe you have a gay black brother, a friend lonely enough to smoke his own meat and that your mom was a groupie for Supertramp.
Barney: They named their band for her!

Barney: You remembered all that?
Quinn: Well, yeah. I mean, you're more interesting than the lyrics to "Pour Some Sugar On Me" for the 8,000th time.
Barney: You know, it's funny. Almost every woman I've ever met was wrong to give me a chance. You're the first woman who's wrong not to.
Quinn: [to the barista] Large black coffee... and whatever he's having. It's on me.
Barney: The same. Thank you.
Quinn: You're welcome.
Barney: 1,700 more of these and we're even. Uh, the song just ended. That mean you got to get going?
Quinn: No. Do you have time to sit with me?
Barney: I don't know. You're wearing my watch.