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24Quotes from ‘The Time Travelers’

How I Met Your Mother: The Time Travelers

820. The Time Travelers

Aired March 25, 2013

Ted spends the night at MacLaren's debating whether to go to Robots vs. Wrestlers, while Robin and Marshall argue over the naming of a cocktail.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Oh. I think I'm gonna head home.
Barney: I understand.
Ted: What, you're not gonna try and stop me?
Barney: And how would I try and stop you?
Ted: I don't know, by telling me life is short, and if you ever come across a beautiful, exciting, crazy moment in it, you got to seize it while you can before that moment's gone?
Barney: Ted, this moment already is gone. The whole Minnesota Tidal Wave thing happened five years ago. It's just a memory. And the rest of this never happened. Right now, Marshall and Lily are upstairs, trying to get Marvin to go back to sleep. Robin and I are trying to decide on a caterer. And you've been sitting here all night, staring at a single ticket to Robots vs. Wrestlers because the rest of us couldn't come out. Look around, Ted. You're all alone.

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Quote from Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, it's been almost 20 years since that cold April night in 2013, and I can safely tell you, if I could go back in time and relive that night, there's no way in hell I'd go to Robots vs. Wrestlers. No, I'd go home. I'd go to my old apartment, see all my old furniture, my old stuff. I'd see my old drafting table, where I sketched out my first building. I'd sit on that old couch and smell the Indian food cooking three stories below. I'd go to Lily and Marshall's place, be back in that old living room where so many things happened. I'd see the baby. I don't know if you can picture me holding your six-foot-seven cousin Marvin over my head, but back then I could. I'd go have a drink with Barney and Robin, watch them fight about their caterer or whatever it was they were fighting about that night. But none of those things is the thing I'd do first. You know the thing I'd do first?
[From outside MacLaren's, Ted runs down the street to an apartment building, where he knocks on a door:]
Ted: Hi. I'm Ted Mosby. And exactly 45 days from now, you and I are gonna meet, and we're gonna fall in love, and we're gonna get married, and... we're gonna have two kids. And we're gonna love them and each other so much. All that is 45 days away. But I'm here now, I guess, because... I want those extra 45 days... with you. I want each one of them. Look, and if I can't have them, I'll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in the face, because... I love you. I'm always gonna love you, till the end of my days and beyond. You'll see.
Man: Can I help you?
Ted: Oh, hey, it's... Louis, right? It's okay. It's fine... I'm in love with your girlfriend, and... we're gonna get married.
Man: What?
Ted: Yeah.
[Louis punches Ted in the face and he falls the ground. With a shiner around his eye, Ted smiles.]
[The camera returns to Ted, still standing outside MacLaren's]

Quote from Future Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, in April of 2013, your mother and I were very close and yet very far apart. I was living on West 82nd Street. She was up on West 115th. She was getting a degree in economics. I was teaching architecture. I was always at MacLaren's. She was always... not spending all her time in a bar. She was dating some finance guy named Louis. And I... I was alone.

Quote from Barney

Ted: I got a big lecture tomorrow. Think I'm gonna take it easy tonight.
Barney: Ted, trust me, 20 years from now, you'll be glad you saw Robots vs. Wrestlers: Legends.
Ted: I can't imagine a world where that's possible.
Barney: I'm serious. 20 years from now, when my 26-year-old third wife asks me about this...
Ted: You make a lot of those jokes.
Barney: I'm gonna say, "Yeah, it was awesome, but you know the funny thing? Ted almost didn't go But thank God he did, because it was a great night". And then she and I will adjourn to the Jacuzzi, where my fourth wife will be waiting for us, already warming herself up on the jets. Oh, Robin's here... I'll tell you the rest later.
Ted: Please do, that story could go anywhere.

Quote from Barney

20-Years-From-Now-Barney: Hey, Ted. What's this I hear-slash-remember about you not wanting to see Robots vs. Wrestlers?
Ted: Yeah, it's just that I don't want to see it.
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: You don't...
Barney: I know.
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: He doesn't...
Barney: I know. Ted, trust us, it's gonna be legend... wait 20 years for it...
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: dary!
Both: Legendary!

Quote from Barney

20-Years-From-Now-Barney: If you don't believe that Robots vs. Wrestlers is gonna be a life-changing event, maybe you'll believe 20-Years-From-Now-Ted.
[A space suit-wearing Ted appears next to Barney:]
Ted: Whoa.
20-Years-From-Now-Ted: 'Sup?
Ted: Wow. Wow, so many things all at once. But most importantly... I don't go bald?
Future Ted: Nope.
Barney: And neither do I.
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: Eeh...

Quote from Ted

Ted: Okay, 20-Years-From-Now-Me, level with me. You. Us. Is Robots vs. Wrestlers worth it?
20-Years-From-Now-Ted: It was the single greatest night of my life.
Ted: Even greater than your wedding?
20-Years-From-Now-Ted: Well, I mean, when I get married, that'll be the greatest night of my life. But who knows when that's going to happen?
Ted: Oh, my God, you still haven't...
20-Years-From-Now-Ted: Man, I hope I meet her soon.
Ted: Oh, God, what is wrong with me?
20-Years-From-Now-Ted: [laughing] I'm sorry! I'm just messing with you! Now, come on, are we going or what?
Ted: Fine, let's go.
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: Yeah!
20-Hours-From-Now-Ted: Not so fast. Barney, Ted, 20-Years-From-Now-Barney, 20-Years-From-Now-Ted.
Barney: Who are you?
20-hours-from-now-Ted: I'm 20-Hours-From-Now-Ted. And you bastards aren't going anywhere.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Who is that?
All: She's the coat check girl from that dance club we went to seven years ago.
20-Years-From-Now-Ted: You remember that night, when Barney grinded with his cousin.
Barney: Oh, man, you remember that 20 years from now?
20-Years-From-Now-Barney: He won't let anyone forget.
Ted: Coat check girl. I always meant to go back to that club and get her number, but I didn't. And now she's here? She's in this bar seven years later? I can't believe this. So, wait, do you guys think I should go talk to her?
[All murmur in agreement]

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: No, no, wait! Please, it's not my fault! I was tricked!
Carl: Not cool, Marshall. This is a nice bar. Girls come here, they just want to relax with their friends, maybe have a few Robin Scherbatskys, and not have to worry out some guy pulling a Marshall Eriksen in the bathroom.
Marshall: No, no, no, I know. I just... Wait a minute, did you just use my name as shorthand for a guy being creepy?
Carl: Yep.
Marshall: Well, you know what, Carl? I think that you are making a broad and prejudicial assumption. So next time I meet a guy who just goes around rushing to judgment, I'm gonna say, "Hey, that guy's being a real Carl..."
Carl: You don't know my last name. You've been drinking here for years, and you don't know my last name. I will name every drink in this bar after you if you can tell me my last name.
Lily: Well, that just seems confusing. How will you know what people are ordering?
Carl: What's my last name, Marshall?
Marshall: It's Carl...'s Junior.

Quote from Barney

20-Years-From-Now-Barney: Okay, guys, I've been waiting 20 years for this. Just like we practiced. No mistakes, ready? One, two, a... One, two, three, four.
All: [singing, harmonizing] Whoa-oh-oh-oh For the longest For the longest time Whoa-oh-oh For the longest For the longest time If you said good-bye to me tonight Ooh-ooh-ooh There would still Be music left to write
Doo-doo-doo What else could I do? I'm so inspired by you That hasn't happened for the longest time.


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