James: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Guys, you are young, attractive people here in the greatest city on earth. There are boys and girls in Nobody Cares, Wyoming, wishing they could be here. But instead, they are in someone's basement drinking bad malt liquor, debating whether or not they're going to spend their Saturday night in the parking lot of the feed store or in some other dude's basement. You owe it to them to rise up and shimmy your lazy asses into something hot, and you go out there and you live their dream! Can I get a "hell, yeah"?
All: Hell, yeah!
James: Can I get a "hell, yeah"?
All: Hell, yeah!
James: Can I get a "woo-woo"?
All: Woo-woo!
James: Go do it for Wyoming!
All: Yes!
James: Testify!

Marshall: Yeah, so now the wedding's back on.
Lily: Anyway, James, how have you been?
James: Awesome, as per "uze." I just went skinny-skydiving. Legendary. And my laser tag team, just made it to regional finals. "Legendary-er." And by now you've noticed the suit. Go ahead, touch it. Handcrafted by Pietro Dellacamera, Milan's famous 101-year-old tailor, who upon completing the very last stitch in this suit dropped dead, which is ironic because that is how gorgeous I look in it. C'mon. [dances] Gimme five.
Barney: Is "gimme five" back?
James: Oh, yeah. I put it in my blog this morning.
Barney: Guys, "gimme five" is back!

[Flashback to 1982, where young Barney and James are watching TV:]
Future Ted: [v.o.] The truth is, Barney and James got a lot of different explanations from their mom over the years.
Loretta: Well, boys, you look different because when I was pregnant with you, I only ate vanilla ice cream. And when I was pregnant with you, can you guess what kind of ice cream I ate?
James: Coffee?
Loretta: No, James, I ate chocolate ice cream. But I did drink tons of coffee when I was pregnant with both of you. Can't smoke without my coffee.
[flashback to 1984:]
Loretta: I don't know, boys, I guess it's just one of those things.
[flashback to 1986:]
Loretta: Stop asking me! You know what you two are? You're little racists!

Lily: And then there was the time they scored the brother/sister combo.
Barney: It was everything we ever dreamed of when watching Donnie and Marie. She was a little bit country.
James: He was a little bit way into black guys.

Ted: Oh, James, this is my girlfriend, Robin.
Robin: Hey. It's so nice to meet you.
James: You, too.
Robin: So, I have to ask, there's a story here.
Barney and James: Please.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Yeah, Barney and James together was a lethal combination. Since there was never any crossover in targets, James was always there for Barney with the assist.
[flashback to James and Barney at MacLaren's]:
James: [to a woman] Whoa. Your scarf... it is fierce!
Woman: Thanks. H&M.
James: What? I would never know, 'cause it is so hot that my eyes are melting. Oh, I can't see. Hey! You know, speaking of things that would look good wrapped around you, have you met my straight brother, Barney? Oh, he is fab...don't you go nowhere...ulous. Okay?

Barney: [enters] Clam Bake. Staten Island. Who's in? Okay, I didn't have high hopes for that one. Okay, here's my thing. If gay guys start getting married, then suddenly the whole world's gonna be doing it. That's how it works. They start something, then six months later, everyone follows. Like now everyone gets manicures.
Ted: I don't get manicures.
Barney: Okay, then like how... Like getting your chest waxed.
Lily: [gasps] You get your chest waxed?
Barney: You know what I mean! Gay marriage is going to cause single life, as we know it, to die out. Think of how the American family will be strengthened.

Marshall: Barney, I'm sorry you're upset, but you got to suck it up and be a man about this.
Barney: No. It's always been me and him together, being awesome, while the rest of you walked two-by-two onto your ark of sexless boredom.

James: Barney, family talk. Okay, dude, you have got to stop this, okay? I know that my getting married is threatening to your way of life...
Barney: Oh, so now it's my way of life? I thought it was our way of life. You've completely turned your back on it. Look at you, not even suited up. Do you remember why we suit up, James?
James: To get laid.
Barney: To show people that we are different from the millions of T-shirt and jeans lemmings out there. The suit shows that we are a force to be reckoned with, a two-person army that plays by its own rules. But you've taken off the uniform, you've crossed enemy lines, and you've abandoned me. Well, I'm not gonna let you do that.

Robin: How in God's name did it never come up that Barney has a gay, black brother?
Ted: Is he black? I guess I'm the kind of person that focuses on who people are on the inside rather than the color of their skin. I'm kidding, I just wanted to see your face.