Barney: Can you believe that?! I can't be unemployed, Robin! My job is my identity; it's who I am. It gives me the confidence I need to convince girls I'm a fighter pilot.

Marshall: A symbol of strength and constancy, the stone lion of The Arcadian has watched over New Yorkers for generations. So remember: if the lion head stonework is regal, then tearing it down should be illegal. [audience applause] Well... Did you like that? All right, uh... We must make sure the lion is always there. Destroy The Arcadian? Oh, no, don't you dare. Yeah? Yeah? Okay. Try this one on for size... If you want New York's history at your beck and call...
Mr. Horvath: All right, thank you, Mr. Eriksen.

Mr. Horvath: Mr. Mosby, do you think The Arcadian should be a landmark? It's not a difficult question.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Actually, it was a difficult question. Of course, had he asked me a few days earlier, I would have immediately said...
Ted: "Yes. The Arcadian should be a landmark." And then the crowd would have said, "Oh, my God! Did he really
just say that? Oh, heavens! Oh, my stars! I must clutch my pearls!"
Lily: So these things are generally attended by old Southern ladies?
Ted: Almost exclusively.

Lily: All right, what's the message? 'Cause if it's another hypothetical yet eerily accurate drawing of my boobs...
Robin: Yeah, I have that, too.
Lily: Damn it.
Robin: All right, here's the message. "Oh, hey, guys. Didn't see you there. I was too busy feelin' fine and..." Really?
"Feelin' fine and gettin' some 'jine. You may have noticed the giant plate of hot wings in front of me. I know how much you love hot wings. Too bad someone bribed the kitchen to take them off the menu tonight. So, if you want some, you're going to have to come back to GNB. But hurry, this offer will be gone lickety-split. Do evil laugh." Oh, um... Ba-ah, ha-ha! So, what are you turds up to?

Marshall: Oh, we've got the big LPC meeting in two days. I have my whole presentation worked out. I just need to find a good rhyme to end on.
Ted: Why does it need to rhyme?
Marshall: If you end an argument with a rhyme, it's convincing all the time.
Lily: Yeah. It's why in our apartment: If you're a-hopin' to score, don't leave your socks on the floor.
Marshall: And she hasn't since.

Ted: They're going to fire him? That sucks. He loves that job.
Marshall: And he's been doing it for years.
Lily: Okay, what does Barney do at GNB?
Ted: No idea.
Marshall: He has a lot of keys.

Robin: Okay, Ted, you know I love Zoey. But, look, sometimes, I go play chess in the park. And the key to chess... Okay, I play online. But the key to chess... Okay, it's Angry Birds! But the key to Angry Birds is to always try to see every possible outcome. And to... hit some pigs with rocks or something. I don't know; I don't play. I can't get it to download.

Future Ted: [v.o.] That night, as I slept soundly...
Ted: Barney, what are you doing?
Barney: Who is this Barney? My name is John Clifford Larrabee, architect of The Arcadian. And I am visiting you in a dreeeeaam.
Ted: Really? 'Cause it feels more like my insane friend renting a costume and breaking into my apartment in the middle of the night for what I wish I could say was the first time.
Barney: Look, it's a dream, it is. So just... okay? Theodore, heed my words: do not try to save The Arcadian.
Ted: Barney, there's condoms in the drawer. Just take them and get out.
Barney: I am not Barney!
Ted: Whoa! Lighting change!
Barney: Theodore, you know The Arcadian is a badly built, architecturally unimportant rat's nest designed by an overpaid, plagiarizing ether addict with two thumbs. This guy.
Ted: Okay, yes, it's-it's a terrible building, but... does that mean we have to knock it down? I mean, it's not bothering anyone. Just anyone who lives in it. Or looks at it. Or smells it.
Barney: New York is never finished, Theodore. She's a lady only a handful of architects ever get to dance with. Do not miss your turn.
Ted: The Arcadian has to go, doesn't it?
Barney: Indeed.
Ted: You realize this kind of screws up my personal life.
Barney: Mo' buildings, mo' problems.
Ted: This is a dream, right? Because, Barney, I swear to God, if that's you...
[Barney disappears in a puff of smoke, replaced by Mrs. Moseby on Ted's bed]
Virginia Moseby: Mommy's got Magic Lady Bits, Ted.

Mr. Horvath: Mr. Mosby, I'm going to ask you one last time. Should The Arcadian be a landmark?
Ted: No, it shouldn't be a landmark. There are a lot of important buildings in New York. The Arcadian isn't one of them.
Zoey: Excuse me, I have a question for Mr. Mosby. If he doesn't think The Arcadian's worth saving, then whose voice is this?
Ted: [on Zoey's tape recorder] "The Arcadian should be a landmark. It should. The lion head stonework is iconic. I hate working for GNB. They're a bunch of... wieners and gonads."
Lily: [clutches pearls] Oh, heavens!
Robin: [Southern accent] My stars!

Ted: What are we gonna do? ... We should buy a bar.
Barney: We should totally buy a bar!
Marshall: We should absolutely totally buy a bar!
Robin: It's really the only sensible idea right now.
Marshall: Oh, oh, and ready? It's a theme bar. It's a courtroom.
Ted: Yes! Where the bartenders wear sexy judges' robes.
Marshall: I'll allow it!
Barney: The only court where you show up, then get served.
Robin: You're judged by a jury of your beers.