Ted: Okay, so what? I would rather be nice than be like you, always getting in fights about stuff that's not even worth fighting about.
Robin: Disagree. It's like Sun Tzu wrote in The Art of War, "Never give up. Never surrender."
Ted: That was Tim Allen in Galaxy Quest.
Robin: Whatever, dude.

Robin: Marshall, there is plenty of stuff that I don't get mad about, like the fact that you're serving pigs in blankets without hot mustard. I'm not the type of person to be driven crazy by a host who refuses to provide delicious hot mustard in which to dip my pigs in blankets! I'm the type of girl who... keeps her cool. Who keeps her cool.

Mickey: You're going back to work? Sheez, Marshall, you are as busy as a... Oh, gosh, what are you as busy as?
Lily: Please don't talk about the bees.
Mickey: I was gonna say Nicolas Cage. That guy is in everything.

Lily: Dad, we need to talk.
Mickey: Is it about the bees?
Marshall: Bees?
Lily: We're throwing a housewarming party in two weeks.
Mickey: Oh.
Lily: It's gonna be friends, neighbors...
Marshall: Did he say... Did he say "bees"?
Lily: Yeah. Marshall's been working very long hours lately, so I have been planning this whole party by myself, and everything's in place: the food, the wine. I even found a rare Gouda on the Internet.
Marshall: Oh. Getting back to these bees...
Lily: Bottom line: this party is very important to me, so I can only assume - and I say this with love - you're gonna ruin it.
Mickey: Lily, I promise I won't ruin your party. I'll be charming and convivial. A regular Burt Reynolds. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Marshall: Tell us about the bees!
Mickey: Well, all right, since you asked. I'm starting up a business cultivating all-organic, artisanal honey. That's right, I'm a job creator.
Marshall: Oh.
Lily: So this party...
Marshall: Oh, Lily, wait. Um, if you don't mind, I just, I have one follow-up. Where are you doing this exactly?
Mickey: Downstairs. There's 10,000 bees in the basement.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, someday you're gonna throw a party, and you might find yourself worrying if something's gonna go wrong. Well, don't. What you should worry about is everything going wrong. And what's really scary is how quickly that can happen. At Lily and Marshall's housewarming party for instance, it only took five minutes. Now, a lot happened in those five minutes. You know what? I'm gonna take this room by room. We'll start in the living room.

Lily: I'll, uh, I'll bring out the Gouda, we'll open a couple bottles of wine... that are in the basement.
Mickey: All right, I'll get my beekeeper's suit. You should be happy about the bees. They're keeping the mice at bay.
Lily: We have mice?
Mickey: Not with all these bees flying around, we don't. You're welcome.

[Garrison Cootes walks brashly over to Ted and taps him on the shoulder]
Garrison Cootes: Are you a vegan?
Ted: What?
[meanwhile, Barney pats his stomach next to the empty tray of spring rolls:]
Barney: Ooh-ee!
[back:]
Garrison Cootes: Are... you... a... vegan?
Ted: Um, no.
Garrison Cootes: Uh-huh. And when you were shoveling the spring rolls down your gullet, did you happen to notice a little sign next to the plate marked "Vegan"?
Ted: I think there's been some mistake.
Garrison Cootes: You could have had anything on that table! Anything at all! Mini pizzas, bacon-wrapped figs, pigs in blankets. There was even talk of an inbound Gouda! But no, no, you had to have the one thing that someone with my dietary preferences can eat.
Ted: Look, I didn't eat the spring rolls.
Garrison Cootes: Liar! Your breath reeks of shredded carrots and deceit!
Ted: [sees Robin] Okay, okay, maybe I did eat your precious spring rolls.
Garrison Cootes: Oh...
Ted: What are you gonna do about it, hippie?

Garrison Cootes: Young man, are you suggesting fisticuffs... as in with our fists?
Ted: And feet. I'm a kicker.
Garrison Cootes: Well, well, looks like I just started eating white meat again.
Ted: I will bite and scratch you like a wolverine.
Garrison Cootes: May I warn you, I have been in a fight before.
Ted: So have I... sort of.

Ted: Hey, I'm not gonna let that guy push me around. I believe it was Sun Tzu who wrote, "Never give up. Never surrender."
Lily: Shut up, Ted.
Ted: Okay.