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39Quotes from ‘Rebound Bro’

How I Met Your Mother: Rebound Bro

318. Rebound Bro

Aired May 5, 2008

Barney searches for a new wingman to replace Ted. Meanwhile, Ted hopes Stella is ready to take things to the next level.

Quote from Barney

Ted: It's Barney. [answers phone] Dude, seriously you need to stop calling me.
Barney: Ted, I'm sorry, I haven't returned your calls.
Ted: Yeah I never called you, you called me fifteen times and my parents twice.
Barney: I'm sorry, I gotta let you go. It's just too many good wingmen out there. Ted are you crying?
Ted: No, I'm not.
Barney: Sh! Let it out, let it out.
Ted: Goodbye Barney. [hangs up]


Quote from Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] Stella and I had been dating for two months. And things were going really well. She had met my friend in past for flying colors. There was just one little problem.
Lily: You guys haven't had sex yet!!?? When Marshall and I were two months, we were doing it 24/7.
Ted: I know, I was in the top bunk. Also sat next to you at football games.

Quote from Barney

Randy: Hey Barney, new Sky Mall came in. So word around the blogosphere is that you are looking for a new wingman. I wanna let you know, I'm available. Just the say the word, or don't even say the word. Just do something with you eyebrow. Was that it?
Barney: No offence, Randy, but there is a long list of candidates for this slot. This slot is for Vice President of Awesome. And you are like Assistant Under Secretary of Only O.K.

Quote from Barney

Future Ted: [v.o.] So uncle Barney began to search for a new wingman.
Barney: [on the phone] Pete, Barney Stinson!
Pete: Hey, I haven't been calling you, it has been a while.
Barney: Yeah. Yeah. So, listen you should meet me in MacLaren's tonight.
Pete: You never gonna believe this. I'm at the hospital. Just had a baby daughter.
Barney: So what do you think? 9:30 or 10 o'clock?

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: Wow. Stella hasn't had sex since 2003. Let's just put this in context. The last time Stella had sex, the movie, Seabiscuit, had just galloped into the theaters... and our hearts.
Lily: Five years! God, if I even went one year, I would be out on the street selling it for a nickel.
Marshall: The last time Stella had sex, the world was just learning about SARS.

Quote from Marshall

Ted: So, her sister's driving up to baby-sit Lucy, and we're getting a hotel room in the city Saturday night.
Marshall: The last time Stella had sex, The Da Vinci Code had just come out.
Robin: Well, that's doesn't seem like that long ago.
Marshall: Not the movie, the book.
Robin: Wow.

Quote from Lily

Ted: It's a lot of pressure, isn't it?
Lily: You know what? It's not. This woman needs it bad. Anything you do is going to be fireworks. I remember my longest drought...
[flashback to Lily in San Francisco:]
Lily: [v.o.] It was that summer I lived in San Francisco. I hadn't had been with Marshall since two months and 19 days.
[An earthquake shakes Lily's whole building. Her initial panic quickly morphs into pleasure.]
Lily: Oh, San Francisco!

Quote from Ted

Ted: I have a surprise appetizer for us today. Check it out. Potato skins.
Stella: Fancy.
Ted: Yeah. Right? God, it's been forever since I had potato skins. I remember them as being pretty much the most delicious things ever. [Eats the potato skin] Huh. That's surprising.
Stella: What?
Ted: This potato skin. It's good but not nearly as good as I'd built it up to be in my head. Even though potato skin performed admirably, and is a totally respectable size... I couldn't enjoy it because of my own unrealistic expectations.
Stella: Hmm, Ted, I see what you're doing. You're trying to lower my expectations for tonight. Is this a length thing?
Ted: No.
Stella: Quick on the draw?
Ted: No.
Stella: Unexpected number of testicles?
Ted: No.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Hey.
Randy: What up Bro-seph Lieberman?
Barney: No, uh-uh. Randy, we never use the word "bro" in the name of a failed Democratic vice presidential candidate.
Randy: [takes out a notepad] Goodbye "Geraldine Ferrar-bro".

Quote from Barney

Randy: I'm sorry, Barney.
Barney: Eh. So you got a drink thrown in your face. Happens to me all the time. Pretty soon you'll be able to anticipate it, and when you do? Free drink.

Quote from Robin

Barney: Okay. Okay, new plan. We wrap his face in gauze so he can't bleed or talk. You are the woman...
Robin: Barney, why are you so desperate to have this happen?
Barney: I'm a wingman. That's what wingmen do.
Robin: Is it possible that you're trying to fill the void of losing Ted by rushing into a new wingman relationship?
Barney: What are you saying?
Robin: I'm saying that Randy is your rebound bro.
Barney: No. That's crazy. What Randy and I have is real.
Robin: And even if you got Randy laid tonight, would it feel anywhere near as meaningful as when you got Ted laid?
Barney: [emotionally] He was just so happy the next morning, you know?

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