Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Old King Clancy’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

How I Met Your Mother: Old King Clancy

418. Old King Clancy

Aired March 23, 2009

Barney and Marshall hide the cancellation of GNB's new headquarters from Ted. Meanwhile, the gang try to figure out which Canadian celebrity Robin went home with one night.

Quote from Robin

Lily: I'm going to read it. Here we go. "The Frozen Snowshoe, Old King Clancy, Harvey's trays."
Robin: Right?
Lily: I don't know what any of those words mean.
Barney: Is one of those supposed to be a celebrity?
Marshall: Yeah, who the hell is Old King Clancy?
Robin: No, that's not the person, that's the sex act. It's the same as a Sacramento Turtleneck, except with maple syrup.
Marshall: So the celebrity was Harvey Strays?
Robin: No, that's what he collected. Harvey's trays. Yeah, those classic orange trays you get whenever you eat at Harvey's? The restaurant? Oh, come on, you're road tripping down the Trans-Canada Highway, you get a hunger on between Milverton and Wawa, where you gonna strap on a feed bag, huh? Harvey's. Over 12,000 served!
Lily: So the celebrity was...
Robin: The Frozen Snowshoe. Oh, my God! You guys have never heard of The Frozen Snowshoe? He's only the most famous professional wrestler in Canada. I met him after he defeated Reckless Rick Rogers in the Kamloops Memorial Arena back in '02. Classic match.
Lily: So you're saying The Frozen Snowshoe invited you back to his place to look at Harvey's trays, and asked you to do an Old King Clancy?
Robin: Exactly. And I'm serious, you cannot tell anyone.

Rate

Quote from Robin

Lily: Okay, I'm going to make my first guess.
Robin: Okay, but I'll only tell you if you correctly guess the person, the act and the collection.
Lily: Okay, I'm going to go. Bryan Adams. He collects baseball cards, and he wanted to do a "Greasy Kayak."
Robin: No.
Barney: Wayne Gretzky, vintage Hot Wheels, a "Squatting Eskimo."
Robin: No.
Marshall: Kiefer Sutherland, souvenir shot glasses, and a "Sticky Flapjack."
Robin: No. That I would have done.

Quote from Marshall

Ted: No way! You never lie to your friends. I would never not be honest with you.
Barney: Really? What about that open mic night at the comedy club?
[flashback to Marshall on stage at a comedy club:]
Barney: Are you like me, folks? Have you ever thought about how many different kinds of fish there are? And the names of those fish? Let's, uh, let's take a little ride. "Trout." Am I right? "Sturgeon." I don't think so, pal. "Salmon." I'm going to say that again, salmon. Who thought that was a good idea, right? "Bass." This guy over here knows what I'm talking about. "Halibut." Thank you, good night. [goes to Ted] How was I?
Ted: Oh, you were great. Really funny.
Barney: You killed... [Marshall walks off] everyone's Thursday night.
[present:]
Marshall: Time out. You didn't like the fish list?
Ted: It was horrible! You just read a list of fish.
Marshall: [whooshes]

Quote from Robin

Lily: What the hell is a "Two-Hand Zamboni"?
Robin: Let's just say, the only thing the woman is wearing is skates on her hands.
Lily: A "Manitoba Milk Bag"?
Robin: Okay, it's like a "Chicago Mustache," but the person on the bottom is wearing a snowsuit.
Lily: A "Newfoundland Lobster Trap"?
Robin: Don't know. Don't want to know. Those Newfies are out of control.

Quote from Barney

Lily: I don't even know any Canadian sex acts.
Barney: Well, you got your Sloppy Dog Sled, your Alberta Fur Trapper, your Full Mountie.
Robin: How do you know all these?
Barney: CanadianSexActs.org, it's bookmarked on the top right.
Marshall: Dot-org?
Barney: Yeah. It's not for profit. They really wanna just get the information out there.

Quote from Marshall

Ted: Wait, if they pulled the plug on the project a month ago, why have I been going in once a week to meet with the New Headquarters Task Force?
Barney: Well, obviously you couldn't come in and pitch to Bilson.
Marshall: So, we...invented the task force. Then it was just a question of putting together the team. [v.o.] You know Roy Waterman, Vice President of Capital and Risk? He's actually Roy the janitor.
[flashback to Marshall approaching Roy]
Marshall: Hey. Excuse me, Roy. How'd you like to make a few extra bucks
Roy: How naked do I have to get?
Marshall: [v.o.] Louisa Mendoza, Executive Vice President of Assets. She's actually... Louisa the lunch lady.
[flashback to Marshall in the canteen:]
Marshall: Louisa, I need your help with something, but you can't tell anybody.
Louisa: No hablo Ingles.
Marshall: Exactly. This is a big secret. How do you say "secret" in Spanish?
Louisa: Albondigas?
Marshall: Ah, yes. Albondigas. This will be our little albondigas. Hey, can I, uh, have a couple meatballs, please?
Marshall: [v.o.] And Arthur Nasmith, the eccentric genius guru of corporate investments. He's actually Crazy Arty, 15th Street's own one-man band.
[flashback to Marshall approaching a street performer:]
Marshall: Excuse me.
Arty: Ah!
Marshall: Do you have a minute to talk?
Arty: Actually, my assistant, Reginald, makes all my appointments. [points to a squirrel]
Marshall: [v.o.] We rounded out the group with a few interns and paid everyone 50 bucks to act super interested in what you were saying.
Arty: [talking to a tissue box] Reginald, get me out of this for next week.

Quote from Barney

Lily: Well, my hiccups are gone. Possibly forever.
Barney: Canada, you did it again. You even found a way to ruin this. Why? Why do we let you be a country?

Quote from Robin

[flashback to Robin with a man in British Columbia back in 2002:]
The Frozen Snowshoe: [holding a Harvey's tray] And this one, I got on the drive from Milverton to Wawa.
Robin: Wow, ha ha. That's pretty impressive, The Frozen Snowshoe.
The Frozen Snowshoe: Please, we're friends. Just call me "Shoe." Have a seat.
Robin: So, Shoe... How would you like to give me an Old King Clancy? [gets out a jar of maple sauce]
The Frozen Snowshoe: I think you should go.

Quote from Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] In the spring of 2009 I've been hired to design a new headquarters for Goliath National Bank. And I was eager to add as much of my voices as an architect into the plan as possible.
Ted: Woodbeams bathed in natural light in the atrium. They're gonna love it!
Future Ted: There was only one problem and his name was Bilson.
[in the GNB conference room:]
Bilson: Wood? Natural light? Ah, no! Natural light reminds the workers that there is an outside world where they have family and friends. We want to crash that! You show up in the dark, you go home in the dark. You spend your whole damn day in the dark!
Marshall: [whispers to Barney] I need to hear Lily's voice
Bilson: Who said you could leave?

Quote from Ted

Future Ted: [v.o.] Bilson was killing every original idea I had Then, one day GNB took him off the project and created a new task force to oversee my designs and suddenly, everything changed.
Ted: We'll have a roof top in the end of the garden for quiet contemplation. We'll have a reflecting pool in the lobby where local children can come to make wishes. The New GNB, "A place of work that you can call home". Thank you, and welcome home.
Future Ted: Everything was going great, until one day, in the elevator...
Ted: [on cell phone] Yeah, it's Ted. No, no, no, no, no, no. I did not approve that change for the blueprints for the new GNB headquarters which I'm the head architect, at only 30 years old. Yes, I'm single and I give to charity. What is that has to do with anything? Alright, goodbye, Mr. Mayor. You know that was a fake phone call, don't you?
Woman: Yes, and I also know that the new GNB headquarters project was scrapped last month. Nice try.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode