Ted: I don't feel so good. It's like my testicles mixed pop rocks and soda.

Marshall: I can't believe she's making you wait a whole month. I would never put up with that.
Ted: You've only had sex with one girl in your whole life.
Lily: Burn!

Lily: We're going to the Berkshires for the maple syrup harvest.
Marshall: It's one of New York Magazine's "top five romantic getaways on a budget." Who says sexual can't be sensible?

Marshall: Ready to go?
Lily: Hell, yeah. Nothing better than a weekend at a good bed and breakfast.
Marshall: Yeah. Waking up for breakfast at 7:00 A.M.... sharp.
Lily: Complimenting the owners on their collection of needle-point geese.
Marshall: Awkward conversations with middle-aged couples trying to stave off divorce.

Barney: Hundred dollars says when you turn around, I say "Wow."
Robin: Barney, this is the third time you've hit on me by accident.
Barney: It's one of the many risks of the blind approach. It's usually a two-man operation where Ted signals that the target is hot. But Ted's too busy being in a lesbian relationship.
Robin: Why don't you just check out the girl's reflection in the bar mirror?
Barney: You can't just... Wow!

Barney: You suited up!
Robin: Well, I figured if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this right.
Barney: Emilio? The woman will have...
Robin: I'll have a Johnny Walker Blue, neat, and a Montecristo No. 2 Thanks.
Barney: Ah, the No. 2, a.k.a. "The Torpedo." Or, as the rollers call it, "Piramide."
Robin: My father was a cigar fanatic, it was the only way to get his attention.

Robin: Playing laser tag really takes me back. You know what game I really miss? Battleship. I've never lost a game.
Barney: Neither have I. Of course I cheat.
Robin: Oh, yeah, me, too. The trick is to bend the aircraft carrier so it makes an L.
Barney: Ah. I always just stacked the ships on top of each other.
Robin: Nice. You know, we should have a cheaters grudge match. I think I still have a... Hello. Target acquired. Hottie by the jukebox.
Barney: Ooh, good eye, Scherbotsky. I got someone for you. Two o'clock, blue shirt.
Robin: That's a woman.
Barney: Oh, my mistake. Or is it?

Robin: I found it. Are you ready to... What the hell are you doing?
Barney: I'm birthday suiting up. I'm sorry. Did you want to undress me?
Robin: No! I thought we were just hanging out as friends.
Barney: Oh, come on, you have been throwing yourself at me all night.
Robin: What?! I did the opposite! I threw some other girl at you.
Barney: You invited me up to your apartment to "play Battleship." Is that not an internationally recognized term for sex?
Robin: No.
Barney: Great. I hope you're happy. You sunk my battleship.

Robin: Okay, you and me, that's insane. If you even thought about it for one second...
Barney: But I have thought about it for three seconds, and it makes a lot of sense. We both think the marriage commitment thing's a drag. We both want something casual and fun. And we clearly get along really well.
Robin: Wow, that actually did make a lot of sense. But what about Ted?
Barney: I checked with Ted.
[flashback:]
Barney: [on the phone] Hey, Ted, so now that things with you and Victoria are going pretty well, I assume you're probably over all the girls you were into before, right? I take your silence as a yes, so, ergo, therefore, say I were to hook up with someone, say, I don't know, Robin, you'd be cool with that, right?
Ted: Sure. Good luck with that.
[back:]
Barney: Totally gave us his blessing.

Robin: So Ted didn't care that you wanted to make a move on me?
Barney: Didn't care at all. Oh. Ohh!
Robin: What?
Barney: You like Ted.
Robin: I didn't say that I liked Ted.
Barney: You like Ted. Wow. This is huge.
Robin: Barney, I don't like Ted. He's moved on, and I'm really happy for...
Barney: Yeah, yeah. Look, are we gonna play Battleship or what?
Robin: You're not gonna tell him, are you?
Barney: No. That's the bro code. A bro doesn't tell a mutual bro that a third bro has a crush on him. Just like the third bro doesn't tell the mutual bro that the original bro went bare pickle in front of her. It's quid-pro-bro.