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36Quotes from ‘The Rebound Girl’

How I Met Your Mother: The Rebound Girl

711. The Rebound Girl

Aired November 21, 2011

Ted and Barney swear off women and decide to adopt a baby together. Meanwhile, Robin tries to stop Marshall and Lily from moving to Long Island.

Quote from Marshall

Future Ted: [v.o.] That's a funny story. Marshall was fed up with his job at GNB and was thinking about leaving it all behind, so he and Lily agreed he should wait for a sign from the universe to tell him what to do. Then one day...
[flashback: Marshall is on the street and sees a strange looking ambulance drive by. He notices a stop sign and looks across the road and sees an old fire house that's for sale:]
Marshall: Of course. It's so clear. It's been right there all along. I have to call Lily. Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. I'm sorry, but, um, can I please borrow your... Ernie Hudson?
Ernie Hudson: Yes.
Marshall: Can I borrow your phone?
Ernie Hudson: Who you gonna call?
[present:]
Robin: And did Marshall become a Ghostbuster?
Marshall: That firehouse is still for sale.
Lily: Even Ernie Hudson begged you not to go through with that.
Marshall: Ernie Hudson is a coward!
Lily: [gasps]

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Quote from Robin

Robin: You guys are crazy. This place is enormous. I mean, look arou... [knocks over a third lamp] Have you never heard of overhead lighting?!

Quote from Lily

Future Ted: [v.o.] In the fall of 2011, Lily and Marshall received a surprising gift from Lily's grandparents: their house in Long Island. Lily and Marshall decided to sell it for one simple reason.
Lily: It's Long Island. I don't want to spend my Saturday in Long Island.
Marshall: I know, babe, but the realtor staged the place with fake furniture and she wants us to check it out before the open house.
Lily: All right. Can we at least do it on the fake bed?
Marshall: I'm embarrassed that you have to ask.

Quote from Marshall

Future Ted: [v.o.] So, they headed out to Long Island, and when they walked in the door...
Marshall: We'll take it!
Lily: Baby, we can't take it. We're the ones selling it. We are selling it, right?
Marshall: Baby, your grandparents gave you this house outright. So, the way I see it, we have five options. One: sell it. Two: year-round haunted house. Three: giant fence around the perimeter, chimp sanctuary. There's already a tire swing in the backyard. Four: we destroy it with sledgehammers. I like four.
Lily: Or five: we move in, raise our children and make this our family home.
Marshall: Till they graduate. Then we destroy it with sledgehammers. As a family.

Quote from Barney

Ted: But girls, man. Girls.
Barney: You know what would kick ass?
Ted: Being gay?
Barney: Being gay would kick ass!
Ted: Word. Guys understand each other.
Barney: Imagine a relationship where, instead of talking about feelings all the time, you just play some Madden, eat a pizza, give each other a happy, roll over and have some cuddle-free shut-eye.
Ted: Bro, for what it's worth, if we were both gay, you'd be my first call.
Barney: Would you mind calling Marshall and telling him that? 'Cause he thinks...
Ted: No, this is only in a scenario where just you and I are gay, not Marshall.
Barney: But if all three of us were gay, you'd pick me over Marshall, right?
Ted: If all three of us were gay? Girlfriend, we would all three of us have some fun.
Barney: Damn right we would.

Quote from Barney

Ted: Of course I'm gonna keep my job. Why wouldn't I keep my job?
Barney: Well, I mean, this whole architecture thing... isn't it more of a hobby?
Ted: Excuse me?
Barney: And now we're fighting. You know what? Forget I said anything.
Ted: No! No, no, no. We're having this discussion. Architecture is my life's work. Why don't you quit your job? I don't even know what it is you do for a living.
Barney: "What it is I do for a living?" I work, Ted, 14 hours a day so that our baby can have food and clothes and a nice house, while you sit around doodling pictures of buildings. That's "what it is I do." You know what? Screw this. I'm gonna go to the bar.
Ted: Yeah, right, right, 'cause the answer's always at the bottom of a bottle!

Quote from Barney

Woman #1: Oh, my goodness. What a beautiful baby.
Barney: Thank you. By the way, my friend and I, we're not a couple. We are two straight guys who are single and we have a baby. Just so you know.
Woman #2: Look at this sweet girl.
Barney: Hi. I was just telling this first girl, my friend and I, both straight, both available, and we have a baby.
Woman #3: Oh, who is this little angel?
Barney: Okay, real quick: me and him, not gay, single, have a baby. We should look into having a sign made.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Again, we were going through a difficult time. But this part was kind of fun.

Quote from James

James: Hey, Ted, I overheard your little speech. It's not crazy. About ten years ago, my best friend and I nearly did the same thing. She was single, I was single, we both wanted a family. It made sense. But now? Every day, we thank our lucky stars that we didn't do it. 'Cause what she found with her husband and what I found with mine, it was worth the wait.

Quote from Barney

Barney: The pet store was closer, so I just got her some wee-wee pads. Oh, I also got this. It's beef-flavored
and it's good for her teeth. James! Tom! Hey! Lily, did you get the e-mail that I sent you about inviting James and Tom to Thanksgiving? I sent it to your CompuServe. That's your main one, right?

Quote from Barney

Future Ted: [v.o.] So Barney and I... and again, going through a tough time, can't stress that enough... found an adoption agency Web site and filled out their online application.
Barney: Name: Barney Stinson. Ted Mosby. Address...
Ted: Oh, put my address in Westchester. They'll want to see we'll be raising this child in a good environment. You know, the suburbs.
Barney: What? No. All my guys are here.
Ted: Your guys?
Barney: Yeah. You know how I got a guy for everything? Well, they're all in New York. My suit guy, my shoe guy,
my ticket guy, my club guy. And if I don't have a guy for something, then I have a guy guy to get me a guy. And oddly enough, his name is Guy.


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