[on Barney's resume tape:]
Barney: All my life, I have dared to go past what is possible.
Interviewer: [Barney in a British accent] To the impossible?
Barney: Actually, past that... to the place where the possible and the impossible meet to become... the possimpible.
[in the room:]
Lily: The possimpible? Really?
Barney: Inventing your own word shows creativity and vision... "Visiativity."
[on tape:]
Barney: If I can leave you with one thought, it's this. Nothing... and everything... is possimpible.

Barney: Mine is: "From all of us here at Barney's apartment, get out."

Lily: You didn't let those reporter bitches psych you out, did you?
[flashback to Robin's audition:]
Robin: ...and the President's economic team is hoping to have a proposal before Congress by the end of the month. From all of us here at News Ten, have a good evening. ... So, good night, New York. And may the road ahead be lit with dreams and tomorrows. Which are lit with dreams... also.
[present:]
Ted: Wow, that's terrible. And bad... Also.
Robin: I wasn't done.
[flashback:]
Robin: Stand tall, New York. Trustworthy. Recycling. Wear a condom.
[present:]
Marshall: Wear a condom?
Robin: I'm not gonna be the new Channel Ten anchor, am I?
Barney: This just in, no.

Barney: Guys, I hate to cut you off before Marshall bursts into tears, but, Robin, check this out. What you need is an awesome video resume. Like... mine. I present, Barneysvideoresume.com.
[Barney's video plays: It begins with an explosion on a black background. It turns into a view of the ocean with a flame-red sky. The word "Barney" rises on the horizon. It cuts to a suited-up Barney sitting in a fancy house]
Barney: Oh, hello.
Interviewer: [it's Barney with an affected British accent] Barney Stinson, you've achieved great success in business, athletics and personal relationships and have been an inspiration to many people.
[in the room:]
Ted: Is that you? Are you interviewing yourself?
Barney: How can it be me? That guy's British.

[on Barney's resume tape:]
Interviewer: [Barney in a Scottish accent] What would you recommend to your numerous admirers who want to reach their highest potential?
[in the room:]
Ted: And a wee bit Scottish.
[on tape:]
Barney: The first thing you need to know about success is that it doesn't just come to you. [Barney on a motorcycle with a road background] Most people associate success with money and power, but really it's a state of mind. [engine revs]
Ted: You had to be on a motorcycle to say that?

[on Barney's resume tape, he stands by a horse with a country club background:]
Barney: And when it comes to success the only limit is that there are no limits.
[in the room:]
Marshall: I didn't know you knew how to stand near a horse, that's impressive.
Lily: Barney, I don't get it. You don't do a damn thing in any of these clips.
Barney: Exactly. Because that's who corporate American wants... people who seem like bold risk takers, but never actually do anything. Actually doing things gets you fired. In fact, I'm writing a book on this very phenomenon.
Marshall: Really, you're writing a book?
Barney: No, that would be doing some... Are you even listening?!

[theme song to Barney Stinson's resume:]
Barney: [singing] Barney Stinson Barney Stinson That guy's awesome Awesome He's so awesome He's so awesome Oh, so awesome Awesome This isn't Barney Stinson Singing this song That would be really lame One of the many admirers Who think that guy is awesome References available Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Awesome, awesome Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Awesome He's from awesome town Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Awesome

Barney: Ah! Ah! Lottery Girl's on.
Robin: I just feel sorry for these women. This is where broadcast careers go to die.
Barney: Check it out. I make it fun. I invented a little game.
Lotto Girl: [on TV] Tonight's Lotto numbers are... Nineteen...
Barney: Age you moved to New York after a photographer "discovered" you at a food court and said he'd get you in Vogue magazine.
Lotto Girl: [on TV] Fifty-three...
Barney: Number of semi-nude pictures he took of you before you realized he had no connection to Vogue magazine.
Lotto Girl: [on TV] Twenty-two...
Barney: Age you claim you are.
Lotto Girl: [on TV] Thirty-one...
Barney: Age you actually are.
Lotto Girl: [on TV] Forty-five...
Barney: Number of minutes it would take me to get you into a cab, out of your dress, and into my Jacuzzi.
Lotto Girl: [on TV] And the Super Big Ball is...
Barney: What happens after we get out of the Jacuzzi. What up?

Ted: Maybe the problem is your resume. See how mine is lean and mean? Yours is too cluttered. Like everything on your resume is so relevant?
Robin: "Program Director, 88.1 Wesleyan University Radio"?
Marshall: Oh, God.
Lily: Dr. X? You're still bragging about Dr. X?
Robin: Who was Dr. X?
Ted: Nobody knows. He was this genius mystery D.J.
Marshall: It was Ted.
Ted: His identity remains a secret to this day.
Lily: It was Ted.
Ted: But this phantom of the airwaves changed the very face of college radio.
Marshall: It was Ted.
Lily: And your show sucked.

[flashback to Lily and Marshall in their college room with the radio playing:]
Ted: [on the radio] Dr. X here, shooting truth bullets at you from an undisclosed location. Because if they knew where I was, they'd shut me down.
Marshall: You're on the third floor of the Student Center next to the game room, you tool.
Ted: I've been getting a lot of letters about my segment on how racist the school's meal plan is.
Lily: How are you getting letters if no one knows where you are, douche?
Ted: That's why I'm organizing a happening outside the dining hall, Monday at midnight. It's high time the Food Service puppet masters took ignorance and injustice off the menu.
Man: [on radio] Hey, Ted, we need a fourth for foosball. What are you doing in here, anyway?
Ted: Dude, get out of here! I'll be there in a second. So remember, dining hall, Monday, midnight. Another Dr. X happening. I'll be there, because X marks the spot-ot-ot-ot-ot...
[present:]
Marshall: If you think people liked your show, they did not-ot-ot-ot...