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30Quotes from ‘We're Not From Here’

How I Met Your Mother: We're Not From Here

302. We're Not From Here

Aired October 1, 2007

Robin grows tired of the person she became in Argentina, not to mention the boyfriend she picked up. Ted and Barney pretend to be tourists to pick up women. Meanwhile, Marshall and Lily write letters to each other in case one of them dies.

Quote from Ted

Ted: New Jersey is not "pretty much New York". You are not "pretty much New Yorkers".
Colleen: And how would you know?
Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!

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Quote from Marshall

Future Ted: [v.o.] That night, Marshall, sat down to write the letter he hoped Lily would never have to read.
Marshall: [v.o.] "My dearest, sweetest, Lilypad. Let this letter be a small beacon, a tiny firefly to help light your way trough the years ahead. My love for you persists, higher than the Himalayas, deeper than a Scottish loch. [sobbing] If I died under suspicious circumstances then beware. Trust no one, not even Ted. Especially not Ted. Know that I'll always be there in your heart, whenever you need me. [sobbing] And my love for you will never die. Love. [sobbing] Your Marshmallow."

Quote from Barney

Robin: I'm evolved, and I'm enjoying living my life a little bit closer to the way Gael and I did in Argentina.
Barney: Please, vacation romances have an expiration date. Gael's got a "best if banged by" sticker on him. Once your romance starts to stink, you'll dump his ass down the drain like sour milk and go back to being "unevolved Robin", the one we actually like.

Quote from Barney

Ted: Come on. Let's get out of here. This night's a disaster.
Barney: What?! This night couldn't have gone any better. We've just survived a mugging. You know what that means.
Ted: "Thank God, we're alive" sex.
Barney: "Thank God we're alive" sex. It's even better than "I can't believe you just proposed to me" sex, which I've only had, like, four of five times. Ted, please, we are so close.

Quote from Barney

Ted: Okay, okay. We're from a small town in the south of France. Our plane leaves Sunday morning.
Barney: [in a Southern accent] Uh, hey, uh, howdy, ladies. Hate to bother you. We seem to be a little bit lost. Would you happen to know which street the Statue of Liberty's on?
Lindsay: Actually, it's on its own island.
Ted: Oh.
Barney: Oh, it's right. And, thank you very... My name is, uh, Ignatius Peabody Nobel, from East Westerton, Missouri. And this is my friend... Ted.

Quote from Barney

Barney: Everything's so bright, even at night. No wonder the city never sleeps. [Barney and Colleen laugh]
Ted: Hey, if we're going north. Why did we cross over the FDR? We should have taken the Hudson.
Barney: [scoffing] Now he knows all the streets. Someone's been watching too many "Steinfield" reruns.

Quote from Marshall

Ted: So, being married, different? Not different?
Marshall: It's the same. Mostly, except I think I might be getting carpal tunnel. My hands keeps cramping up.
Barney: I think the whole point of getting married was that you didn't have to do that anymore.
Marshall: No, it's from writing all the thank you notes. Mostly.

Quote from Lily

Lily: Yeah. You're writing constantly. There's forms we have to sign, our death folders, thank you notes...
Barney: Whoa. Whoa. What are death folders?
Lily: It's this thing they recommend you do in case one spouse died unexpectedly.
Marshall: It's all the information your spouse might need all in one convenient location.
Lily: Yeah. Account info, important addresses, a letter to the other person, all that stuff. I'll get the next round.
Marshall: I am such a jerk.
Barney: Yeah. Wait, why?
Marshall: I didn't know that I was supposed to write a letter. All Lily's gonna find in that folder are a bunch of bank statements and a funny list of things to do with my ashes.
Ted: Marshall brownies.
Marshall: Number six.

Quote from Marshall

Marshall: Oh, God, I am a bad husband. No, uh, no, I'll just write, I'll write Lily a letter tonight, everything'll be fine.
Barney: That's right. Unless you die between now and then. Ooh. But, come on, that's never gonna happen.
Ted: Yes! There is one thing we can state with absolute certainly, it's that Marshall Eriksen is not going to die before writing that letter.
Barney: No way at all. In fact, I dare God to smite down this perfectly healthy...
Marshall: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I get it, okay, you guys know I'm a little superstitious, and you guys are trying to freak me out. Well, guess what? It didn't work. So, there.
[After a brief wait, Marshall knocks on the table three times, throws salt behind his shoulder and spins round three times]
Marshall: You guys are jerks!

Quote from Barney

Lily: Wow. It seems like a great trip.
Robin: Oh, it was. I feel like the Robin who left is not the same Robin who came back, you know.
Lily: Wow. There's a lot of nude people in here.
Barney: You haven't changed, Scherbatsky. You're a sophisticated, scotch-swilling, cigar-smoking, red-meat-eating, gun-toting New Yorker.
Lily: Just shoes and a shirt. That's a look.
Barney: What you are not is a massage-giving, windsurfing, bongo-playing, teetotaling, vegan, peacenik, hippy like you soon to be ex-boyfriend, Gael. Back me up here, Ted.

Quote from Barney

Lily: Ooh, here he comes. Switch to big words.
[Gael comes in]
Barney: Within a triad of solar periods, you'll recognize your dearth of compatibility with your paramour and conclude your association.
Robin: My journey was transformative and I reassert my commitment to both the aforementioned paramour and the philosophies he espouses.
Gael: What are we talking of? Baseball?
Barney: This is all gonna returns to masticate you in the gluteals. Support my hypothesis, Ted.
Ted: I'm just jubilant my former paramour's jubilant.

Quote from Robin

Robin: Quick announcement. I am so glad that you're here, fellow travelers. A couple rules... Not even rules. Let's call them guidelines for harmonious living. Guideline for harmonious living number one, the kitchen sink is for dishes, the toilet is for pee-pee. G.F.H.L. number two, marijuana is illegal in the United States, even when baked into a blueberry muffin that someone might mistakenly eat for breakfast right before they leave for their job as a TV Newscaster. "This just in: Look at my hand, how weird is my hand?" is not an appropriate thing to say on the air. And number three... I... [all cheer]. And number three is please keep the noise to a minimum. I have to take a nap. I'm still pretty baked.

Quote from Barney

Ted: Where are we even going anyway?
Lindsay: 148th and Brook Avenue.
Ted: A hundred... on the south of Bronx at this time of night? We're going to get killed.
Barney: Ted. I think these local New Yorkers know more about the city than we do, so relax. We're in very capable hands.
[later, Ted and Barney talk to a police officer as sirens wail:]
Ted: There were three of them, at least two guns. They took all our money.
Barney: Well, I only had traveler's checks.

Quote from Robin

[In the middle of the night, Robin goes out to her crowded living room where people are playing drums:]
Robin: All right, everyone out! I said everyone out!
[Robin goes to her bedroom, gets her gun and returns to the living room. The drumming stops]
Man: [Australian accent] All right, we're living, we're leaving, okay. Michael Moore was so right about Americans.
[Robin returns to her bedroom]
Robin: [yells] I'm Canadian!

Quote from Marshall

Lily: Okay, I'm done. But I really don't want you reading this unless, you know, something happens. Can you swear to me you won't open it?
Marshall: Totally. What does it say?
Lily: Marshall, I'm serious.
Marshall: Okay. I promise I won't, I won't open that until you're dead.
Lily: Okay.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And through 22 wonderful years of marriage, Marshall kept his promise.
[A bald Marshall sits at a desk in the year 2029:]
Future Ted: Until November 1 of last year when, sadly... [Marshall opens the letter]
Lily: [v.o.] "Busted! I knew you'd read this. You suck, Marshall, you totally suck."
Marshall: That's it? I suck? Lily!
Lily: [enters] Yes, you suck. You said you wouldn't read it and you did.
Marshall: Well, you didn't keep your promise either. I don't see any dirty pictures in here.
Lily: Oh, fine, I'll take the dirty pictures.
Marshall: I don't want 'em now.
Lily: What is that supposed to mean?
Marshall: What?! Nothing. Nothing. You're beautiful. I would love the photos. Have I told you how beautiful you look?


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