Marshall: Oh, no. I think that sandwich was laced with other stuff. Like, hard meats.
Ted: What do you mean?
Marshall: Well, usually after a sandwich, I feel paranoid. But I'm not. [grabs Ted] Why am I not feeling paranoid?!

Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, Einstein was right. Time moves at different speeds. To Barney, the previous night raced by in a blur. But then, all of a sudden, time stopped.
Robin: This might be the worst thing I've ever done.
Barney: Hey, now, you weren't at the top of your game, but it was still pretty...
Robin: Oh, my God! I just cheated on Kevin. He is the nicest guy ever. I'm a terrible person.
Barney: It's okay. We both cheated. What's that saying about two wrongs making a right?
Robin: "Two wrongs don't make a right"?
Barney: No, that's not it.

Robin: Beautiful night, huh, gang?
Barney: Yeah, Robin and I were just cheating- chatting about how warm it is. I'm breaking a trust- sweat in here. And I thought we'd be cuckold.

Future Ted: [v.o.] To this day, Robin and Barney swear this is the song they danced to that night.
Singer: [singing] You fooled around on your baby Now the least you could do is to tell her the truth Yes, you in the suit Or that secret will eat up your soul Girl, the guilt's gonna drive you crazy Crazy You can't live with this lie, Kevin's such a nice guy Gotta tell him tonight Tell them right here on this boat You're like scum round the edge of a toilet bowl Flush What the hell is in the place where you should have a soul? Slut You did these two wrong Don't wait too long In fact, you know what? Tell them right during this song Tell ', tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em I'll wait. Tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em Oh, come on, seriously, you're not gonna tell them?
[later:]
Barney: We have to tell them.
Robin: Right now.
Singer: Sure, act like it was your idea. Seriously, you guys suck.

Robin: There's something I have to tell you.
Kevin: Then don't.
Robin: What?
Kevin: If there's one thing I've learned as a therapist, it's that just because something needs to be told doesn't always mean it needs to be heard.
Robin: Kevin, I did something bad.
Kevin: We've all done bad things. Doesn't mean we're bad people. Look, I don't care about every detail from your past, and I hope you don't care about mine either. What I do care about is you, and that from tonight forward, you're in this as much as I am. What do you think?
Robin: I'm such a mess. Why do you even like me?
Kevin: Come here. I am constantly amazed by the things you say, entranced by the things you do. And unlike a certain Jalapeño Coconut Vodka martini, you're easy on the eyes. And if we're together long enough, I hope that one day you see yourself the way I see you.
Robin: That's a pretty good answer.

Robin: Can I ask you, did this mean anything?
Barney: Of course it did. Of course it didn't. Which one are you looking for? I could see it going either way.
Robin: It meant nothing.
Barney: It meant nothing!
Robin: How could you say it meant nothing?!
Barney: Of course it meant something!

Robin: I just want this whole night to fade into history, so we have to act like it never happened. We should go. I mean, it's a three-hour boat ride. What could happen?
Barney: I'm sure that's what Gilligan.

Ted: Groovapalooza! All the smug hippie bands from the '90s in one big concert Ah, even the tickets smell like cloves and mediocrity. And to really take us back, I scored us bag of, yes, mari...
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, we used to do something before concerts to enjoy them more. And that thing was to...
eat a sandwich.
Ted: ...nated steak subs.

Barney: Hey, how you holding up?
Robin: Well, I'm about to be trapped on boat all night with the guy I cheated on, the guy I cheated with and the girl that the guy I cheated with cheated on. So, not super.

Barney: Okay, Nora and Kevin are gonna be here any minute.
Robin: I thought I could handle this, but I can't.
Barney: Okay, um, here's the plan. We'll grab one of the lifeboats, get back to shore, destroy the tape of us doing it...
Robin: There's a tape of us doing it?
Barney: ...and we'll start a new life together. Somewhere simple and homey, like Vermont or Dubai.