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‘No, No, Godot’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Home Improvement: No, No, Godot

421. No, No, Godot

Aired March 21, 1995

Tim and Al try to scalp hockey tickets before joining Jill and Ilene at the theater to see Waiting for Godot.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Just relax. No one's going to know you're here. It's a holding cell in Detroit. Who's gonna see you here?
George: Hey, aren't you those guys from that TV tool show?
Tim: Yes, I'm Bob Vila, this is Norm. We're back together again.
George: No. You're Tim and Al! [laughs] I used to watch you guys at Jackson State Prison. You got a lot of fans up there. [they laugh]
Tim: Hey! Hey, that's great! Lot of fans up there. We got the 18 to life demographic.

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Quote from Wilson

Mark: Thank you for helping me with my school project, Wilson.
Tim: It's my pleasure, Mark.
Mark: You know, I've always been fascinated with papier-mache. You know, the name is French, but actually it was invented by the Chinese.
Mark: How do you know all this stuff?
Wilson: Mark, I have a tremendous amount of spare time.

Quote from Al

Tim: You're gonna have a lot more fun tonight than we are.
Officer Keegan: That could be. No, no, no, wait. I got one more thing I gotta show you.
Tim: We gotta go, buddy. We're late.
Al: You have a badge? Did you also play Officer Krupke in West Side Story?
Tim: No, this is Officer Keegan. Precinct 29, Detroit Police Department.
Officer Keegan: That's right. You're under arrest for scalping tickets.
Tim: What?
Officer Keegan: Yeah. Come on, let's go.
Al: I can't believe this! I open up to you by showing you my Pozzo, and you're taking us to jail?
Officer Keegan: Well, first of all, you're not a very good Pozzo. Besides that, scalping is against the law. So come on, let's go.
Al: This is all your fault, Tim.
Tim: Well, I probably could have talked him out of it, if you hadn't pulled your Pozzo out in the parking lot.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Hi, Wilson.
Wilson: Well, hi-ho, theatergoers. Ready for an evening of thespian watching?
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: There's thespians in this play? Hey, maybe it won't be that bad after all.
Jill: Tim, a thespian is an actor.
Tim: [grunts] Aw, that was my last hope.

Quote from Al

Tim: Al! I got a guy over here. Come on, come on. Perfect;
Al: Great! We can still make it to Waiting For Godot on time.
Officer Keegan: Waiting For Godot? I was in that play in high school.
Al: So was l.
Officer Keegan: I played Vladimir.
Al: I was Pozzo.
Officer Keegan: "It's a scandal."
Al: "Are you alluding to anything in particular?"
Officer Keegan: "To treat a man like that. I think that... No! A human being! No, it's a scandal!"
Al: "You are severe!" [laughs]
Tim: I am bored, and I am wet. I'd like to see the money.

Quote from Jill

Jill: You might as well stop turning around. They're not coming, they went to the hockey game.
Ilene: No. Al will be here, he loves this play. In high school, he played the definitive Pozzo.
Jill: Well, now he's at the hockey game with the definitive bozo.

Quote from Jill

Jill: OK, I'm here. Not that you care, now that you have your new hot rod to play with.
Tim: Are you jealous of this car already?
Jill: No. I'm happy to see you lust after something older and uglier than I am.

Quote from Tim

Tim: I've been out here a lot lately, haven't I? Tell you what. Saturday night, a night out. Intimate night. You and me. Dining. Dancing. Hockey.
Jill: As, um, romantic as hockey is... I think you've forgotten that we already have plans to go to the theatre with Al and Ilene Saturday night.
Tim: We do?
Jill: We've had tickets for months.
Tim: Can't we sell your tickets?
Jill: First of all, I don't want to, and second of all, hockey tickets are a lot easier to get rid of than theatre tickets.
Tim: Doesn't that tell you something?

Quote from Tim

Tim: [on the phone] Augie, I can't believe you don't want to buy these tickets. You'd pass up a hockey game like this to go to your uncle's funeral? Yeah. He's not gonna know you're not there. What about your aunt?
Does she like hockey? Augie? Augie? [hangs up]
Jill: So I'm guessing no luck.
Tim: No luck. Everybody's got a lot of good reasons not to go. A wedding, a funeral. Open heart surgery.
Jill: Guess you'll have to forget about these hockey tickets.
Tim: Wait a minute. Joe Louis Arena is only five minutes from this little theatre. You and Ilene can drop Al and me off, we'll sell the tickets, and meet you there.
Jill: Oh, forget it! The minute you get near there, you'll go to the game.
Tim: I promise. I'll be back in the seat next to you fast asleep before the curtain goes up.
Jill: That's all I ask.

Quote from Wilson

Jill: Wilson, thanks for watching the kids. Help yourself to something to drink, and there's pizza is on the way.
Wilson: Great. I brought these over for the boys for an after-dinner treat. This is the Colombian equivalent of popcorn.
Tim: May I?
Wilson: Mm-hm.
Tim: Crunchy little... [eats] It's good. What is it?
Wilson: It's roasted ants.
Tim: Needs butter.

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