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‘Super Bowl Fever’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: Super Bowl Fever

415. Super Bowl Fever

Aired January 31, 1995

Tim doesn't want to cancel his Super Bowl party when Jill comes down with a stomach bug on the day of the big game.

Quote from Randy

Brad: Uh-oh. A ladder, exposed wires, and Dad.
Randy: No good can come from this.

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Quote from Benny

Larry: Hey, Benny, turn on the surround sound just for the touchdown.
Al: Not too loud.
Benny: Is this the one? [sparks fly]
Tim: Hey, Benny!
Benny: Let me guess. You hooked it up yourself?

Quote from Benny

Benny: [gets under the covers] Hey, Jill. Would you like some hot sausage? It'll sweat the fever right out of you.

Quote from Wilson

Tim: Yeah, it's today. And Jill's all bent out of shape. Kicked my friends out. I had some guys over to watch the Super Bowl, she didn't like it 'cause she got flu.
Wilson: Mm. You know, I've got a touch of that myself, Tim. That's why I'm boiling up some bees.
Tim: Yeah. Boy, I'd swear I just heard you say "boiling up some bees." [laughs]
Wilson: Well, you know, I did. See, you steep the bees for 45 minutes in boiling water. Then you drink the liquid. It's an ancient Chinese remedy for nausea.
Tim: Sounds like an ancient Chinese cause of nausea.
Wilson: No, no, no, no, no, Tim. It makes a very delightful bee tea. The best part is, you don't have to add honey. [chuckles]

Quote from Randy

Brad: Uh-oh. Food, a pot, and Mom.
Randy: No good can come from this.

Quote from Jill

Mark: Mom, Mom! You better come and see Dad. He doesn't look so good.
Jill: Then why would I want to see him?

Quote from Tim

Mark: Dad, Dad, you better come see Mom. She doesn't look so good.
Tim: Well, then why would I want to go see her?
Mark: Because she's moaning real loud and calling your name.
Tim: That's always been a dream of mine.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Why didn't you just cancel this party? Why couldn't you just take care of me? Why do you always do things like this?
Tim: You ask interesting questions, honey. What are your theories?
Jill: That you are an idiot. And I am a bigger idiot for letting you talk me into this stuff.
Tim: Well, this isn't all my fault. The only reason those guys went upstairs is because our TV exploded. What are the chances of that happening?
Jill: In this house?

Quote from Wilson

Tim: Do you have any extra bees?
Wilson: Well, I surely do. See, I always buy them in bulk.
Tim: I'll pay you for any I use.
Wilson: Oh, don't worry about that, Tim. Just consider these "free bees."

Quote from Tim

Tim: Everybody knows Super Bowl Sunday is the holiest day of the year. Come on, Al. Three steps back, go wide. Come on, buddy! [Al doesn't catch the ball when Tim throws it] Nice catch.
Al: How many times do I have to tell you that is not funny?
Tim: Couple more, maybe. We all know that Super Bowl Sunday's not just about throwing a ball at Al's chest, although I love doing that. It's about stuffing your face in front of a TV.
Al: That's right. And here to tell us about that are three players from the Detroit Lions, with their favorite Super Bowl recipes.
Tim: At linebacker, six foot one, 240 pounds, sporting a tuna noodle casserole, let's give a big hand for Chris Spielman!
Al: Hey, Chris.
Chris Spielman: Al.
Al: At quarterback, six one, 200 pounds, carrying a south-of-the-border seven-layer bean dip, Dave Krieg!
Tim: Oley‚ hey, Dave! And certainly last, but not the smallest, defensive end, 280 pounds, six-foot four, with a secret Super Bowl stew, Kelvin Pritchett. Come on out, Kelvin! And wearing a nice throw rug, I might add. You guys, it's nice you took time out to bring some recipes in. And maybe one of these years, you'll get the recipe for the Super Bowl!
Chris Spielman: What's that supposed to mean?
Tim: l... I don't know. Al made me say it.
Al: l... I did not. I did not!

Quote from Tim

Tim: OK. Kelvin, can you give the audience just an example of some of the ingredients in your super-secret Super Bowl stew?
Kevin Pritchett: The two main ingredients are oysters and Spam.
Tim: Well, I guess the secret is why anybody'd want to taste that combination. [laughs]
Dave Krieg: Sorry, Pritch.
Tim: How many does that serve, Kelvin?
Kevin Pritchett: One.
Tim: So, Chris, why don't you tell us some of the ingredients in your tuna casserole?
Chris Spielman: Well, Tim, I only use the finest white-chunk albacore packed in fresh spring water.
Al: Well, perhaps you complement it with maybe a special type of gourmet cheese?
Chris Spielman: Uh, yes, I do. The cheese in a spray can.

Quote from Tim

Tim: OK. Dave, how spicy is that bean dip of yours, buddy?
Dave Krieg: It's not too spicy at all.
Tim: It's got a little... [Tim gags and spits out the chips]
Dave Krieg: Uh, sorry, I lied. Think of it as a quarterback sneak.
Tim: Well, joking aside, guys... who's gonna come out on top this Sunday?
Kevin Pritchett: No contest. My stew, by three helpings.
Chris Spielman: No way. Your stew can't handle my tuna.
Dave Krieg: No, my beans'll blow you both out of the water. [they all bicker]
Tim: Well, it's teamwork like this that guarantees the Lions'll never be in the Super Bowl. We'll be right back after these words from Binford Tools.

Quote from Randy

Tim: I'm just hooking up my surround sound speakers for my Super Bowl party.
Brad: We're gonna go to Jeremy's and watch it on his new 70-inch big screen.
Tim: Big deal. You're missing some great food. Larry's bringing a three-cheese pizza, Harry's bringing big sausages, and Pete's bringing nachos with extra cream cheese. [grunts]
Randy: Who's bringing the cardiologist?

Quote from Tim

Tim: Honey?
Jill: [thermometer in mouth] Tim, I think I'm dying.
Tim: [mimics Jill] Jill, I can't understand a thing you said.
Jill: Oh, my God, it's 103.
Tim: Ooh.
Jill: Just threw up last night's lasagna. Boy, it tasted bad coming up.
Tim: Didn't taste all that good going down.
Jill: Thanks a lot.

Quote from Tim

Tim: We gotta keep it down, guys.
Benny: Good idea. Save our tooting for the game.
Tim: Well, I was thinking, maybe this time we keep our tooting to ourselves.
Al: What are you talking about?
Tim: Well, maybe when there's a big play, we all act like mimes.
Larry: What?
Al: You know, I love mimes. Especially when they get caught in that box.
Tim: Al, stay in the box, will you?
Jill: [over intercom] Tim? I think I'm gonna throw up.
Al: Is Jill sick?
Tim: No, she just doesn't like mimes.

Quote from Harry

Al: I feel very uncomfortable about having a party while Jill's upstairs sick with the stomach flu.
Harry: Yeah, I'm sick about it myself. Toss me another sausage, will you?
Al: Oh, come on, with your heart condition, wouldn't you rather have some of my raw vegetable medley? It's very good with this nonfat dip. Go on.
Harry: Yeah, that's all I want - a little dip from a big dip!
Al: Now, come on. Larry, would you talk some sense into him? You're a doctor.
Larry: I'm a neurosurgeon. As long as he doesn't put the sausage on his head, I don't care.

Quote from Tim

Tim: What are you watching? Oh, it's Doctor Winnebago, isn't it?
Jill: It's "Zhivago."

Quote from Tim

Jill: Oh, that's good. You have such great hands.
Larry: [o.s.] Oh, no!
Benny: [o.s.] He coughed it up!
[Jill falls back on the bed after Tim runs away while giving her a backrub]
Jill: Tim! Where are you going?
Tim: Somebody coughed something up downstairs.
Jill: Tim! Tim...
Tim: It could be Harry. He might be having another heart attack.
All: [o.s.] All right! Hey.
Al: [o.s.] He recovered.
Tim: It's OK. Thank God, Harry's all right. Talk to you later.

Quote from Tim

Jill: [over intercom] Tim? Tim, can you bring me some more tissues?
Tim: Why can't she blow her nose on the top sheet like everybody else does?

Quote from Al

Pete: Uh, Jill, sorry to inconvenience you. We're at a critical juncture in the game. Could we just use your remote?
Al: Come on, you guys, listen. Jill, we're... Would you...? Wait a minute. This is where Omar Sharif proposes.

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