Brad: Uh-oh. A ladder, exposed wires, and Dad.
Randy: No good can come from this.

Larry: Hey, Benny, turn on the surround sound just for the touchdown.
Al: Not too loud.
Benny: Is this the one? [sparks fly]
Tim: Hey, Benny!
Benny: Let me guess. You hooked it up yourself?

Benny: [gets under the covers] Hey, Jill. Would you like some hot sausage? It'll sweat the fever right out of you.

Tim: Yeah, it's today. And Jill's all bent out of shape. Kicked my friends out. I had some guys over to watch the Super Bowl, she didn't like it 'cause she got flu.
Wilson: Mm. You know, I've got a touch of that myself, Tim. That's why I'm boiling up some bees.
Tim: Yeah. Boy, I'd swear I just heard you say "boiling up some bees." [laughs]
Wilson: Well, you know, I did. See, you steep the bees for 45 minutes in boiling water. Then you drink the liquid. It's an ancient Chinese remedy for nausea.
Tim: Sounds like an ancient Chinese cause of nausea.
Wilson: No, no, no, no, no, Tim. It makes a very delightful bee tea. The best part is, you don't have to add honey. [chuckles]

Brad: Uh-oh. Food, a pot, and Mom.
Randy: No good can come from this.

Mark: Mom, Mom! You better come and see Dad. He doesn't look so good.
Jill: Then why would I want to see him?

Mark: Dad, Dad, you better come see Mom. She doesn't look so good.
Tim: Well, then why would I want to go see her?
Mark: Because she's moaning real loud and calling your name.
Tim: That's always been a dream of mine.

Jill: Why didn't you just cancel this party? Why couldn't you just take care of me? Why do you always do things like this?
Tim: You ask interesting questions, honey. What are your theories?
Jill: That you are an idiot. And I am a bigger idiot for letting you talk me into this stuff.
Tim: Well, this isn't all my fault. The only reason those guys went upstairs is because our TV exploded. What are the chances of that happening?
Jill: In this house?

Tim: Do you have any extra bees?
Wilson: Well, I surely do. See, I always buy them in bulk.
Tim: I'll pay you for any I use.
Wilson: Oh, don't worry about that, Tim. Just consider these "free bees."

Tim: Everybody knows Super Bowl Sunday is the holiest day of the year. Come on, Al. Three steps back, go wide. Come on, buddy! [Al doesn't catch the ball when Tim throws it] Nice catch.
Al: How many times do I have to tell you that is not funny?
Tim: Couple more, maybe. We all know that Super Bowl Sunday's not just about throwing a ball at Al's chest, although I love doing that. It's about stuffing your face in front of a TV.
Al: That's right. And here to tell us about that are three players from the Detroit Lions, with their favorite Super Bowl recipes.
Tim: At linebacker, six foot one, 240 pounds, sporting a tuna noodle casserole, let's give a big hand for Chris Spielman!
Al: Hey, Chris.
Chris Spielman: Al.
Al: At quarterback, six one, 200 pounds, carrying a south-of-the-border seven-layer bean dip, Dave Krieg!
Tim: Oley‚ hey, Dave! And certainly last, but not the smallest, defensive end, 280 pounds, six-foot four, with a secret Super Bowl stew, Kelvin Pritchett. Come on out, Kelvin! And wearing a nice throw rug, I might add. You guys, it's nice you took time out to bring some recipes in. And maybe one of these years, you'll get the recipe for the Super Bowl!
Chris Spielman: What's that supposed to mean?
Tim: l... I don't know. Al made me say it.
Al: l... I did not. I did not!