Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Long and Winding Road (Part 3)’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: The Long and Winding Road (Part 3)

827. The Long and Winding Road (Part 3)

Aired May 25, 1999

Tim, Al and Heidi present their final episode of Tool Time. Jill has second thoughts about moving to Indiana. Meanwhile, the Taylors prepare to host Al and Trudy's wedding in their backyard.

Quote from Jill

Jill: When I was a little girl we moved all the time. My mom never questioned it. She'd just say, "Whatever's good for your father is good for all of us." And we'd pack our bags and follow him.
Wilson: So, basically, for 20 years you've been following Tim.
Jill: Yeah. Right to the emergency room.

Rate

Quote from Tim

Tim: Thank you, everybody. Welcome to Tool Time. I am, and for the last time, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. And of course you all know my assistant, "Al be doing infomercials for a living" Borland.

Quote from Jill

Wilson: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here for this joyous and deeply moving...
Tim: Are you gonna cry through this wedding just like you did through ours?
Jill: Yes. But this time I'm happy.

Quote from Tim

Jill: I know you don't want to go to Indiana.
Tim: It's not about me. It's about you. Do you want to give up this opportunity?
Jill: Yeah, I am. I don't want to leave my life here. I just can't imagine leaving this house.
[Tim turns towards the house and starts looking it up and down]
Tim: Well, if we ever decide to move, maybe we wouldn't have to leave the house.
Jill: What does that mean?
[fantasy: Tim and Jill are in the cab of a truck that's carrying their house:]
Jill: Are we gonna drive this thing the whole way?
Tim: No. Don't be ridiculous. There's faster ways to get there than by land.
Jill: Like what?
[fantasy: Their house is carried on a tugboat:]
Jill: [v.o.] I didn't know a tugboat could go this fast.
Tim: [v.o.] It can if it's got more power! [grunts]

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: I thought you were gonna take that job in Indiana. Tim told me it was all set.
Jill: Yeah. Well, yeah. That's what we decided. But I haven't been able to make the phone call. It's a great opportunity. The whole family's being real supportive. You know, I just don't know what's holding me back.
Wilson: Well, Jill, this has been your home for 20 years. You'd have to leave your whole life behind. You'd have to say good-bye to all your old friends. We'd have to say good-bye to you.
Jill: So you're telling me to stay.
Wilson: No, no, no, no, no...
Jill: You're telling me to go.
Wilson: No, no, no, no.
Jill: Hello, not helping!
Wilson: Jill, this move is a very difficult decision. I can't be the one to make it.

Quote from Heidi

Tim: You guys ready for the farewell show?
Al: Yes, sirree! And we're gonna go out on top! We're gonna go out on top and we're gonna segue to new beginnings and brighter tomorrows!
Tim: That's the spirit, Al.
Al: All right! [to Heidi] Oh, I'm a total wreck. I can't believe this is going to be over.
Heidi: Oh, I know. Me either. This is the last time I'm gonna introduce you guys. [to Tim] The last time I'm gonna give you CPR.

Quote from Wilson

Jill: Now, see, that was the beauty of it. I married Tim, we moved into this wonderful house, and I got to put down roots for the first time in my life. And I've really cherished that.
Wilson: Yes. But on the other hand, Tim is making a huge change. He's willing to base his life around you. I really think that's worth considering.
Jill: What if we go to Indiana and it all falls apart?
Wilson: Well, what if it doesn't and you're a huge success?
Jill: So, I should go, shouldn't I?
Wilson: Jill, there is no limit to what you can accomplish. But if you want me to stand here and sell my best friends on leaving, I really cannot do that.
Jill: Wilson, I'm really gonna miss you.
Wilson: So I take it you are going?
Jill: Unless you think I should stay.
Wilson: Jill!

Quote from Wilson

Tim: If this fence weren't here, we'd have so much more room, we could push the chairs all the way to one side.
Wilson: You know, Tim, you're right. We could have all the chairs facing this way.
Tim: Right. And I would build the arch in your yard.
Wilson: Well, why don't we take the fence down?
Tim: Well, we certainly could. Well, should we?
Wilson: We could always put it back up after the wedding.
Tim: How come we've never thought about taking this fence down before?
Wilson: Oh, I don't know. Maybe we didn't want to reveal too much of ourselves.
Tim: But we went ahead and revealed everything anyway.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Oh, look. Al must've dropped his wedding vows. We should put them in a special place.
Tim: Okay. Toss them in here.
Jill: [chuckles] Look, your wedding arch didn't fall down.
Tim: Do you remember the last time we were under one of those? We had no money, we had no kids.
Jill: No idea how our lives would turn out.
Tim: I think, so far, they've turned out pretty well. If you had to go back and do it all over again, would you do it?
Jill: Yeah. Yeah, I would. I mean, there's been bumps along the road. I haven't always known where we were headed. There was always a possibility of a crash, but... I wouldn't want to travel with anybody else.

Quote from Tim

[Al and Cal walk down the aisle to the wedding arch]
Brad: They make a lovely couple.
Tim: Well, they say when you live together for a long time, you start looking like each other.

Quote from Al

Al: All right. I just want to say... I want to thank Tim and Jill for opening up their house to us, and... Well, Tim, we've just... We've gone through so much. And I... Well, I want to thank you for giving me my start on Tool Time. This has been a difficult year, and you guys have been there for me every step of the way. And no matter where you go or what you do, I just want you to know that you'll always be my best friends.
Tim: Al... Al...
Al: Oh, and, Trudy, thank you for marrying me!
Trudy: You're welcome.
Tim: Trudy and Al!
All: Trudy and Al.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Come on, guys. This is our last Tool Time. Morgan Wandell's not gonna tell us what to do.
Al: He's not?
Tim: No. Tool Time's going out like we came in.
Al: With no audience?
Tim: No. With style, with class. No stupid fires, no fake explosions and no staged accidents. [Tim places his hand on a waffle iron]
Al: Yeah...
Tim: [groans] See, it's much better when it's real.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Binford wants us to intentionally overload a household outlet like this.
Al: Thereby starting a fire and burning the entire set down.
Tim: Instead, I'm gonna show you the right way to do this. Folks, just get a surge protector. Duh.
Al: End of segment.
Both: Good night, everybody!
Tim: Oh, I know what you're thinking. Come on! Last Tool Time? Just plugging in a toaster? Come on! Aren't you gonna light anything on fire? Of course we're gonna light something on fire. We're gonna burn this place down, baby!
Al: With everybody that helped us build it.
Tim: These diehard fans dropped whatever they were doing to be on this last Tool Time with us.
Al: Let's have a warm Tool Time welcome for America's favorite all-tool band! The K & B Boys! Rock, Dwayne, Pete and Duke! And on handsaw, the lovely Janine!

Quote from Pete

Tim: You guys are here to play music, right?
Rock: Yes, sirree, Timmy! Pete!
Pete: That would be me. One, two... One, two, three!

Quote from Tim

Tim: Ladies and gentlemen, on staple gun, master upholsterer, Sparky Henderson!
Al: On shock absorber, Eddie from Eddie's Body Shop!
Tim: On plunger, plumber Felix Myman!
Al: And on horn, Mario Andretti!

Quote from Wilson

Tim: Where's my can?
Wilson: The last time I looked it was below your back and above your knees.

Quote from Wilson

Tim: After the final show, Binford was practically begging me to come back to work. They offered me more money, executive producer.
Wilson: So now you're thinking about staying? Please, Tim, do not toy with me like this. You people are wreaking havoc on my emotions!
Tim: Calm down. The decision is made. We're moving. It's just that they were dangling a pretty big carrot in front of me.
Wilson: Yeah, well, you gave that carrot up for Jill. She must've appreciated your generosity for that.
Tim: Uh, actually, she doesn't know about this. I don't want this to affect her decision, okay?
Wilson: You're a good man, Tim. I'm gonna miss having you as a neighbor.
Tim: You've been a good neighbor, too, Wilson. An odd one. [they shake hands through the fence] Hey.
Wilson: Yeah.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Wow! Now we can see everything.
Wilson: Does it look any different than you thought it would?
Tim: Your fly's open.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Well, it looks like it's gonna be a great wedding.
Tim: I'm really glad we're doing this for Al.
Jill: Me, too. This white wedding arch you made is so beautiful.
Tim: You know, I was gonna go with golden arches but I was afraid we'd have to serve over two billion Borlands.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Hey, guys. I saw Al getting his picture taken. Looks like he's gonna go through with this.
Marty: Yeah? Well, I'm betting it's gonna go the other way.
Benny: And he's not alone. [chuckles]
Tim: You guys are betting on a wedding? That's sick! Put me down for 100. I say he gets married. And I got 40 bucks says he's wearing a flannel thong.
Jeff: Hey, I want some of that action. [off their looks] I mean, you know, I want to bet on it.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode