Tim: When I broke up with this girl, I never called to tell her.
Wilson: So, you lied to her?
Tim: No.
Wilson: Well, according to Robert Louis Stevenson, you did. He said, "The cruelest lies are often told in silence."
Tim: Hm. But didn't Calvin Coolidge say,"Nothing he never said ever did him any harm"?
Wilson: Very good. Thomas Mann once said, "A harmful truth is better than a useful lie."
Tim: Not bad. Wait, wait, wait! Turkish proverbs was, "He who tells the truth will be chased out of nine villages."
Wilson: Excellent. But I believe the final word would be Heywood Broun. "For truth there is no deadline."
Tim: Oh! That's three to two. You beat me, Wilson.

Jill: I should have known that you would never call her. What is it with you men? You can't make a simple phone call to end a relationship.
Tim: Well, if it had been a simple phone call, I probably would have made it. "Hey, Stacey. Yeah, it's Tim. It's over. Bye-bye."
Jill: You just don't understand. You cannot leave women dangling. We need closure.
Tim: No, you want to beat it to death is what you want to do. "Yeah, mm-hm, OK, Tim. OK, it's over, I accept that. Yeah. But I think we should get together and talk about it. Uh-huh. Minute by minute. Detail by detail. Broken promise by broken promise! Maybe I'll bring my lawyer, my accountant, my father, the minister. And maybe the check-taker. I hate you!"

Stacey: So, Tim, gosh, what have you been up to?
Tim: Uh, I've a tool show on cable, Tool Time.
Stacey: Timmy Taylor has a tool show. [laughs] But you were the guy who blew out all the windows in shop.
Al: He does that for a living now. [laughs]

Jill: Now, Stacey, I want you to tell me something. Back then, when he walked by, like, a hardware store, did he make unusual noises?
Stacey: You mean, like, "Ooh. Ooh"?
Jill: That's the one.
Stacey: You mean he hasn't outgrown that yet?
Jill: [grunts] No, no, no.

Tim: Did you get married?
Stacey: As a matter of fact, I married a guy who had a lot of your qualities.
Tim: Lucky girl.
Stacey: The divorce was final last Thursday.
Stacey: Well, how about you? Did you ever get married?
Tim: Yes. Yes. I've been married 14 unforgettable years.
Al: 15.
Tim: 15.

Jill: She was in the area. I asked her to drop by.
Tim: You don't want to meet her.
Jill: Oh, yes. I would love to meet the famous Stacey Lewis. The love of your high-school life. Is she, uh, pretty?
Tim: Come on. How pretty can she be? She's almost your age.

Mark: Help!
Tim: OK. Look, I can't even guess. Why are you sitting on him?
Brad: The lawn chair was wet.

Jill: Stacey, I gotta tell you, I have always felt so awkward about what happened all those years ago with you and Tim and me...
Tim: Honey, come on, come on. This is water under the bridge, isn't it? Water under the bridge. Down the river, through the village, past the treatment point, out to sea.
Stacey: Well, it wouldn't have been so bad if I'd just known it was over.
Tim: Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
Jill: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. He told me that he told you that he called you, and told you that it was over.
Tim: Why are we dragging up all these old memories?
Stacey: No, he never called.
Jill: You never called her? I thought you were better than that.
Tim: I'm not.

Tim: Morning, Wilson.
Wilson: Hi-ho, Tim.
Tim: I got a problem.
Wilson: No kidding.
Tim: Jill met my girlfriend.
Wilson: Well, I can't say that I approve of that.
Tim: No, my old high-school girlfriend.
Wilson: Oh.

Wilson: So, why didn't you call the girl, Tim?
Tim: I was afraid that if I called her, she'd start crying, and I'd feel bad.
Wilson: Well, sometimes, Tim, when a relationship ends and a person cries, they aren't just tears of sorrow, but of liberation.
Tim: A woman needs closure.
Wilson: Exactly.
Tim: Jill said that yesterday.
Wilson: Smart woman.
Tim: [grunts] Yeah, she is.