Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Dream On’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Home Improvement: Dream On

314. Dream On

Aired January 12, 1994

Al tells Tim that Ilene had a raunchy dream about him.

Quote from Al

Al: Well, last night, something very disturbing happened. Ilene... had a dream.
Tim: No. Not a dream. While she was sleeping? You know, scientists may want to study her.
Al: You don't understand. It was a very passionate dream. Clothes were strewn about.
Tim: Not strewn about!
Al: Yes, strewn. She was talking to this man who she said had a very deep voice. And they were... they were riding a golden stallion, and he was wearing bicycle shorts.
Tim: Get a grip, will you? It's a dream. Don't you dream about other women sometimes?
Al: No! My dreams are good, clean fun.
Tim: You're driving yourself crazy over a silly dream with some jerk in it.
Al: Well, it wasn't just some jerk, Tim. It was you.
Tim: Really?
Al: Oh, I shouldn't have told you that.

Rate

Quote from Brad

Brad: OK, Randy. It's your turn.
Randy: All right. I'll put an "M" on top of the "E," and then "L-O-N." That's "melon." Double word score - 14 points.
Brad: Pretty good. Watch this. After the "N," I'll add "O-L-O-G-Y." That's 16 points.
Randy: "Melonology"?
Brad: The study of melons.
Randy: There's no such word as "melonology."
Brad: Yeah, there is. Call the fruit section at the grocery store.
Randy: Well, who should I ask for, the melonologist?

Quote from Wilson

Tim: Al's girlfriend Ilene had a dream about me, so I made a joke about it, and she got upset and broke up with Al. Jill thinks it's all my fault.
Wilson: Well, Tim, humor can be a wonderful thing. The Koran says, "He deserves paradise who makes his companions laugh."
Tim: Yeah... Those Koreans know what's funny.
Wilson: On the other hand, Tim, Cervantes, the 16th-century novelist, said... "A jest that gives pain is no jest." In this case, you might have caused a little bit of pain.
Tim: Well, I certainly didn't mean to. Jokes are what I'm all about. That's why people like me.
Wilson: Well, maybe sometimes you go too far.

Quote from Wilson

Tim: I just didn't take the dream that seriously.
Wilson: Some people do. You know, dreams can have a deep and profound meaning. You know what the psychoanalyst Carl Jung said?
Tim: Yin, yang, Jung? Where does it end, Wilson?
Wilson: Jung said dreams were merely symbols of something else. Plus, he recognized the significance of names and letters in dreams. In particular, first initials.
Tim: Hmm. First initials, huh? Jill dreams about Tarzan and Jane. That's a "T" and a "J." - She's Jane, that's Jill.
Mm-hmm. "T" could be Tim. Tim and Jill. We're Tarzan and Jane?
Wilson: Very good, Tarzan. Jung would be impressed.
Tim: Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.

Quote from Jill

Jill: All right. If you must know... I dream about Tarzan.
Tim: Tarzan of the jungle?
Jill: No, Tarzan of St. Louis.
Tim: Tarzan doesn't even have a car.
Jill: We don't need a car. We never leave the tree house. You see, it's just Tarzan and me. I'm Jane. I'm wearing this cute leopard-skinned outfit, and I have big, beautiful breasts.
Tim: I dream about that, too. What's the big deal about Tarzan?
Jill: Well, Tarzan's very strong but sensitive. Takes me in his arms, pulls me up to this big, huge, muscular chest. I can hear his heart beating. My heart beats faster. I close my eyes, he starts kissing my neck...
Tim: Jill...
Jill: Then he starts kissing...
Tim: Got a minute?
Jill: Sorry. God, is it hot in here?

Quote from Tim

Tim: I'm so proud of Brad. Playing Scrabble, he came up with "melonology."
Jill: That's not a word, Tim.
Tim: Melonology - the study of guys named Mel.

Quote from Tim

Ilene: Oh, Al, you are the manliest man I've ever met.
Al: Well, then why were you dreaming about Tim?
Tim: Oh, could I take a crack at that one? There's this Korean philosopher, Yin Yang Jung, and he talks about dreams, and dreams are a lot about initials. She's dreaming about Tim Taylor, actually it's "TT." It could have been "tub of tomatoes," "Tony the Tiger..." Oh, "Tater Tot." Tater Tot, that's it. Tater Tot. You put a flannel shirt on a Tater Tot, you got you.
Al: Thanks, Tim.
Tim: Mm-hmm.
Al: You've been a big help.
Tim: I'm good with dreams.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Welcome to Tool Time. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. I think you all know my assistant - Al...
Al: Borland. Today on Tool Time, Tim and I are going to be talking about refinishing.
Tim: That's right, Al. Just when you're finished repairing that old table, you think you're finished, but you're not really finished until you refinish.
Al: Are you finished?
Tim: No, but I have an uncle who lives in Denmark.
Al: Tim.
Tim: Actually, his name's Lars.

Quote from Tim

Tim: We've taken the first coat off of this table, now we're ready to sand it down and put our last coat of stain on there.
Al: Now, before you get started, be sure to wear protective eyewear and dust mask.
Tim: That's right.
Al: Because allergic reactions to wood are common when working with members of the nut-bearing family.
Tim: Like the Borlands.
Al: It's also a good idea to wear protective gloves.
Tim: Al, you're starting to act like my mother. If that beard were any thicker, you'd look like your mother.
Al: Tim, I think it's a good idea to wear the gloves.
Tim: I've been working with wood all my life. I'm not allergic to hardwood.
Al: That's not the point. There's a lot of dust here and... Well, you can develop an allergy over time. Symptoms can include puffiness around the eyes, severe rash, extreme swelling.
Tim: Oh, Al, I think you may be right. [Tim's hands swell up] My eyes are really itchy.

Quote from Tim

Al: It's personal. I don't wanna talk about it.
Tim: Tell me, I won't tell anybody. I'm your best friend. I'm your only friend.
Al: It's a remark like that that makes me not wanna tell you.
Tim: I'm kidding. I can see a big flannel cloud hovering over your head.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode