Tim: It's both of us, you know. I've been working so hard, you've been at school.
Jill: That's no excuse. I just read this survey. It said that that some couples, no matter how busy they are, still make love five times a week.
Tim: With each other?!
Jill: Yeah. Yeah, I'm serious.
Tim: Five nights a week? I'm surprised they have the energy for the survey.

Tim: Come on. Every marriage goes through these down times.
Jill: Well, I'm wondering when your downtime is gonna be coming back up.

Al: I'm not leaving here until we get ten good ideas. Hey, you know, maybe what we need is a young, fresh perspective. Brad, what would you like to see on Tool Time?
Brad: A salute to Heidi.

Jill: I'm saying that we could make more effort.
Tim: I made effort the other morning, you weren't interested.
Jill: Well, maybe it had something to do with your approach.
Tim: What was wrong with my approach?
Jill: I believe your exact words were, "Honey, I've got three minutes. Let's go."
Tim: How much time do you need?
Jill: More than three minutes. Enough time to connect emotionally, feel romantic.
Tim: Is there any way you can get some of this stuff done before I get there?

Tim: I was just telling him about that survey how you thought we should make love five nights a week.
Jill: I never said that.
Tim: You said we should be like those couples.
Jill: All I said was that I'd like it if it was more than once a month.
Al: Ilene and I are once-a-weekers. [looks at watch] And tonight's the night. [runs out]

Wilson: Well, I come here once a month for an herbal facial and an acupressure massage. What are you doing here?
Tim: I'm here for a romantic weekend with Jill.
Wilson: Oh, ho-ho. Where is she?
Tim: She's up in the room by herself.
Wilson: That sounds very romantic.
Tim: Well, I, uh... I kind of got roped into a business meeting, so I made an excuse and slipped down here.
Wilson: Well, I'm reminded of a Japanese saying: [speaks Japanese]
Tim: Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does that mean?
Wilson: Well, roughly, "Liar, liar, kimono on fire."

Tim: Chicago, Chicago. Tool Time... Tool Time... the Windy City. Tool Time breaks wind in Chicago. I don't know.
Jill: You're still working?
Tim: Yeah, yeah. Al was no help, so I sent him home. I promised Bud I'd have these Chicago Tool Time ideas by Friday. Feel like pitchin' some ideas to me?
Jill: It's the middle of the night.
Tim: Got it! I got it! A salute to the middle of the night in Chicago. No.
Jill: Honey, why don't you just come to bed?
Tim: Bed, bed. Box springs. Bedding, bedding.
Jill: Tim, you're obsessing.
Tim: Obsessing, obsessing. Recess. Recessed lighting. A salute to recessed lighting in Chicago. Buildings. Recessed lighting.

Tim: I gotta go. Bud, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Mike, nice meeting ya.
Mike: Hey, hold your horses, cowboy. We're next up on the karaoke machine.
Tim: Karaoke?
Bud: Yeah, we're singing, Tim.
Tim: I can't sing, Bud.
Bud: Listen, if you can hug, you can sing.

Tim: I'll be up in a minute, OK?
Jill: That's what you've been saying for three weeks, and every night, I'm sitting up there all by myself.
Tim: I'm sorry, honey. If it'll make you feel any better, you're not the only one I'm neglecting. Eddie called from the garage, Harry from the hardware store. They're really upset.
Jill: Maybe the three of us should start a support group.

Jill: Look, I know that this Chicago Tool Time thing is important to you, but so is our relationship.
Tim: I know that.
Jill: Can you remember the last time we made love?
Tim: Sunday.
Jill: A month ago.
Tim: A month ago Sunday.
Jill: It used to be if we went two days, you'd be climbing the walls.
Tim: Walls, stucco. Salute to stucco. I could do a whole wall thing.
Jill: Tim!