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‘Chicago Hope’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: Chicago Hope

509. Chicago Hope

Aired November 21, 1995

Tim promises Jill a romantic weekend at a local hotel, but he sneaks away to meet Bud and a station manager from Chicago who is interested in Tool Time.

Quote from Tim

Tim: It's both of us, you know. I've been working so hard, you've been at school.
Jill: That's no excuse. I just read this survey. It said that that some couples, no matter how busy they are, still make love five times a week.
Tim: With each other?!
Jill: Yeah. Yeah, I'm serious.
Tim: Five nights a week? I'm surprised they have the energy for the survey.

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Quote from Jill

Tim: Come on. Every marriage goes through these down times.
Jill: Well, I'm wondering when your downtime is gonna be coming back up.

Quote from Brad

Al: I'm not leaving here until we get ten good ideas. Hey, you know, maybe what we need is a young, fresh perspective. Brad, what would you like to see on Tool Time?
Brad: A salute to Heidi.

Quote from Tim

Jill: I'm saying that we could make more effort.
Tim: I made effort the other morning, you weren't interested.
Jill: Well, maybe it had something to do with your approach.
Tim: What was wrong with my approach?
Jill: I believe your exact words were, "Honey, I've got three minutes. Let's go."
Tim: How much time do you need?
Jill: More than three minutes. Enough time to connect emotionally, feel romantic.
Tim: Is there any way you can get some of this stuff done before I get there?

Quote from Al

Tim: I was just telling him about that survey how you thought we should make love five nights a week.
Jill: I never said that.
Tim: You said we should be like those couples.
Jill: All I said was that I'd like it if it was more than once a month.
Al: Ilene and I are once-a-weekers. [looks at watch] And tonight's the night. [runs out]

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: Well, I come here once a month for an herbal facial and an acupressure massage. What are you doing here?
Tim: I'm here for a romantic weekend with Jill.
Wilson: Oh, ho-ho. Where is she?
Tim: She's up in the room by herself.
Wilson: That sounds very romantic.
Tim: Well, I, uh... I kind of got roped into a business meeting, so I made an excuse and slipped down here. Well, I'm reminded of a Japanese saying: [speaks Japanese]
Tim: Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does that mean?
Wilson: Well, roughly, "Liar, liar, kimono on fire."

Quote from Tim

Tim: Chicago, Chicago. Tool Time... Tool Time... the Windy City. Tool Time breaks wind in Chicago. I don't know.
Jill: You're still working?
Tim: Yeah, yeah. Al was no help, so I sent him home. I promised Bud I'd have these Chicago Tool Time ideas by Friday. Feel like pitchin' some ideas to me?
Jill: It's the middle of the night.
Tim: Got it! I got it! A salute to the middle of the night in Chicago. No.
Jill: Honey, why don't you just come to bed?
Tim: Bed, bed. Box springs. Bedding, bedding.
Jill: Tim, you're obsessing.
Tim: Obsessing, obsessing. Recess. Recessed lighting. A salute to recessed lighting in Chicago. Buildings. Recessed lighting.

Quote from Bud

Tim: I gotta go. Bud, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Mike, nice meeting ya.
Mike: Hey, hold your horses, cowboy. We're next up on the karaoke machine.
Tim: Karaoke?
Bud: Yeah, we're singing, Tim.
Tim: I can't sing, Bud.
Bud: Listen, if you can hug, you can sing.

Quote from Jill

Tim: I'll be up in a minute, OK?
Jill: That's what you've been saying for three weeks, and every night, I'm sitting up there all by myself.
Tim: I'm sorry, honey. If it'll make you feel any better, you're not the only one I'm neglecting. Eddie called from the garage, Harry from the hardware store. They're really upset.
Jill: Maybe the three of us should start a support group.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Look, I know that this Chicago Tool Time thing is important to you, but so is our relationship.
Tim: I know that.
Jill: Can you remember the last time we made love?
Tim: Sunday.
Jill: A month ago.
Tim: A month ago Sunday.
Jill: It used to be if we went two days, you'd be climbing the walls.
Tim: Walls, stucco. Salute to stucco. I could do a whole wall thing.
Jill: Tim!

Quote from Al

Tim: I wanna finish this whole thing up by 11:00 tonight.
Al: What happens at 11?
Tim: I got some work to do upstairs.
Al: What do you gotta do?
Tim: Somethin' with Jill.
Al: What?
Tim: Use your imagination.
Al: You mean... Oh! Have marital relations.
Tim: You make it sound so dirty.

Quote from Al

Al: All right, this one is surefire!
Tim: All right, some enthusiasm. Sell it, man, sell it.
Al: OK. Our potential audience in Chicago is what? Half apartment dwellers. For them, a big issue is what?
Tim: Cockroaches.
Al: No. Safety. Picture this - a Tool Time salute to peepholes.
Tim: You gotta do better than that. Bud'll be here in a minute.
Al: All right. OK, OK. Chicago apartments. Every apartment has what?
Tim: Cockroaches.
Al: Fire escapes. Okay, fire escapes as urban patios. Yes, I see ferns, I see bird feeders.
Tim: I see every apartment dweller throwing their TV out the window.

Quote from Tim

Bud: Al, were you a little late this morning?
Al: Yeah. But my mother had a problem. She broke down on the interstate and had to be towed.
Bud: Oh. Sounds like quite an ordeal.
Tim: Especially since she doesn't have a car.

Quote from Bud

Bud: Tim, it's Friday. What do you got? I bet you got so many ideas, you don't know where to start.
Tim: Right, boss. I don't know where to start.
Al: Well, you know, a lot of people in Chicago are apartment dwellers.
Tim: Al...
Bud: Wait, wait, wait. No, that's true. In fact, the research shows that 53% of our target audience... lives in apartments.
Al: 53 percent!
Tim: That's right! That's exactly why I came up with this. Chicago apartment dwellers have what?
Bud: Cockroaches?
Tim: No, no! Fire escapes. Picture this - fire escapes as urban patios.
Bud: I like it.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Oh, this is so beautiful.
Tim: I can see why you always wanted to come to this hotel. Great view. The... Where are we supposed to sit?
Jill: On the floor. This is an authentic Japanese bedroom.
Tim: Well, where's the authentic Japanese bed?
Jill: Well, I assume it's in the closet. Yes. We take these futons out and put them on the floor where we wanna sleep.
Tim: Well, we sit on the floor, we sleep on the floor. I'm afraid to look in the bathroom.

Quote from Tim

Jill: You know, what we should do, we should go get a massage.
Tim: No, I'm not much for massages. If I'm getting oiled, I want it done by a licensed mechanic.
Jill: Well, maybe you should go away for a weekend with your mechanic.
Tim: Way ahead of you. Chuck and I are booked into a bed and breakfast for Valentine's Day.

Quote from Tim

Mike: Hey, what do you say we forget these drinks and talk about this while we're getting a shiatsu?
Tim: Well, as much as I like shopping for small yapping dogs... [chuckles] I'm a little pressed for time.
Mike: A shiatsu is a massage.
Tim: Then I'd much rather shop for a small yapping dog.
Bud: Aw, Tim's just kidding. He'd love to go for a massage.
Mike: Oh, good! Because I've signed some of my biggest deals in the massage room with nothing but a towel covering my butt.
Tim: I hate to think where you keep your pen.

Quote from Tim

Bud: So, Mike, what kind of massage do you prefer?
Mike: Oh, deep tissue.
Bud: Oh, me too.
Tim: Yeah, yeah. All right, deep as you go and as fast as you can get there.
Bud: Tim, you ever had one of these massages before?
Tim: No.
Mike: Well, they're kinda painful if you're not used to it.
Tim: Look at the size of the woman. How much pain can she inflict? Ow! Ow!

Quote from Bud

Bud: Tim, come here. Listen, I want you to meet Mike McKewen.
Tim: Mike McKewen, Tim Taylor. Good to meet you.
Mike: Forget the shaking. Give me a hug.
Tim: I'm not much of a hugging guy, thanks.
Bud: The man wants a hug, Tim. Give him a hug.

Quote from Tim

Jill: What are you doing?
Tim: I think I'm doing Ringo's part.
Jill: We are supposed to be having a romantic weekend, and I come down here and find you singing a love song to Bud.
Tim: Well, I was singing to Bud, but I was thinking of you.

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