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‘Room Without a View’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: Room Without a View

508. Room Without a View

Aired November 14, 1995

Tim builds Randy a room in the basement so he doesn't have to share with Mark anymore.

Quote from Randy

Tim: Son, your new basement room. Step in.
Randy: Whoa, Dad! This is great! A boy's bunker, a lad's pad, a kid's castle...
Tim: Hey, Randy. It's my show, OK?

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Quote from Tim

Randy: That's it, Dad. I've had it. I can't live with this little dweeb anymore.
Tim: Hey, it's not that bad. A little puddle in the middle of it. You can still read the outside of it. There you go. "The Senate today was rocked by scandal as two members... [mumbles]" Talk about your yellow journalism.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: You know, Tim, I'm reminded of the great Winston Churchill. He said you could take the most gallant sailor, the most intrepid airman, the most audacious soldier, put them at a table together - what do you get?
Tim: Throw in a cowboy and a policeman, you got the Village People playin' poker.
Wilson: No, Tim. What you get is the sum of their fears.
Tim: I don't understand.
Wilson: What I'm saying, Tim, if these men had been able to admit their fears, they would've realized there was no reason to be ashamed of them. [owl screeches]
Tim: Woo-hoo! That scared me.
Wilson: Oh, boy! It scared me, too.
Tim: And I'm not ashamed to admit it... although, I do have to change my pants.

Quote from Tim

Tim: I'm sorry I scared you.
Randy: I wasn't scared.
Tim: It's okay to be scared. You know Winston Churchill? He's scared to death of the Village People.
Randy: I didn't know that.

Quote from Tim

Jill: He's just growing so fast. It seems like yesterday that I brought him home from the hospital.
Tim: If you're talking about last week, that was me.
Jill: He used to be so attached to me. I couldn't leave a room without him grabbing onto my leg.
Tim: I believe that was also me.

Quote from Brad

Randy: Hi, Brad.
Brad: Don't start with me. I know you're just gonna talk about how great your new room is.
Randy: All I said was "Hi, Brad."
Brad: See? There you go again.
Randy: All right, Brad. You want the basement, you can have it.
Brad: Yeah, right.
Randy: No, no, I'm serious. I'll trade you rooms.
Brad: All right, what did Dad screw up? Is the room tilted? Hey, did the ceiling cave in?

Quote from Tim

Randy: Dad, Mark got his dirty clothes all over my desk. He's a total pig.
Tim: You think your roommate's a pig? How do you think mine feels?

Quote from Jill

Randy: I gotta have my own room.
Jill: Randy, it is 11 o'clock at night. Now, I promise tomorrow we'll set aside some special time and we'll sit down and talk about it.
Randy: In other words, you're hoping I'll forget about it by then.
Jill: It worked when you were younger.

Quote from Jill

Tim: Hey, wait a minute! What about the basement?
Jill: I'm too old for that hard cement floor.
Tim: No. I could build him a bedroom in the basement.
Jill: Tim, we've talked about this before. I don't want one of the boys down there. It's too far away.
Tim: I could put an intercom in. You could nag at the touch of a button.
Jill: It is not just that. It's cold. It's damp. There's no light down there.
Tim: Maybe it is now. But you gotta picture it the way I'm gonna make it.
Jill: I'm picturing what it's like every time you renovate. There's a big hole in the wall and two paramedics.
Tim: First of all, I'll make no holes in the wall. And you know what? It might be kind of cool to see Dave and Biff again.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Well, it's true that it's been a disaster putting Randy and Mark in the same room.
Tim: That's exactly why we should split them up and give him his own room.
Jill: I hate to admit this. But you might be... right.
Tim: Of course I'm right. Of course I'm right. And the best part about it? I can make a Tool Time remote out of this.
Jill: Oh, come on. Every time we build something, why does Tool Time have to be dragged over here?
Tim: Because the house is too heavy to drag over to Tool Time.

Quote from Tim

Heidi: Welcome to a very special Tool Time - live from Tim's basement. Now here he is, the star of the show - Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
Tim: [hits head on pipe] Hi. Thank you, Heidi. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. And you all know my assistant, Al Borland.
Al: Here on Tool Time, we understand the needs of a growing family.
Tim: That's why we're proud to present "Converting Your Basement to a Bedroom for the Middle Son Who's Not Getting Along with the Younger Son" Special.

Quote from Al

Brad: I just came down to get a football.
Tim: That's OK. Why don't you come over here and say hello. This is my older son, Brad Taylor.
Brad: Hi. I just want to say I think the older son deserves the basement room.
Tim: We're doing a show here, Brad.
Randy: Yeah, well, it doesn't really matter what he thinks, because he's a piece of...
Tim: Randy!
Brad: Hey! Don't give me anymore of your...
Tim: Brad! You guys are becoming a major pain in the...
Al: Tim! OK, we'll be right back after these messages from... [Brad throws something at Randy, hits Al] Would you just cut it out, you little...!
Tim: Al!
Al: Oh, OK.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Well, you've seen the progress so far. What do you think?
Jill: Well, I like the room, I'm just not crazy about the idea of him down there.
Tim: Honey, you gotta stop babying him. Gotta give him his independence, turn him into a man.
Jill: This is the beginning of the end. Now he's living in the basement. Tomorrow... England.
Tim: How did he get to England?
Jill: I always picture Randy being a Rhodes scholar.
Tim: He doesn't need to go to England to study roads. There's plenty of freeways here in town.

Quote from Randy

Randy: [on the phone] Yeah, Michelle. It's gonna be great. Yeah, it'll be like having my own apartment. And I'm gonna be as far away from my parents as humanly possible... [notices Jill] which is the one truly sad thing about it.

Quote from Tim

Tim: [hits head on pipe] Ow!
Al: Welcome back to Tool Time. And now is the moment we've all been waiting for.
Tim: That's right. Al is gonna remove his flannel briefs and sumo wrestle with his mom. May the best man win. Go to it, Al.
Al: Do you think you'll ever get tired of making fun of my mother?
Tim: I see no sign of it.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Is it just me? Or does Randy seem a little tense?
Tim: I don't know what's going on. I came down here earlier and he's trying to trade the room to Brad.
Jill: What? Why would he do that?
Tim: Beats me.
Jill: [opens microwave] Uh-huh. Well, you know what this means.
Tim: You're cooking pillows for breakfast again?

Quote from Wilson

Tim: Excuse me, Wilson. What are you doing? Signaling the mother ship to take you back to your own planet?
Wilson: No, Tim. I'm on my annual owl prowl. The sound you hear is a male screech owl. By playing this, I'm hoping to attract a female.
Tim: So, things aren't working out too well with your girlfriend, huh?
Wilson: No, no, Tim. On my last owl prowl I studied the male of the species. This year I hope to study the female.
Tim: Golly! That sounds like a hoot.

Quote from Tim

Wilson: So, what brings you out here at this late hour?
Tim: Jill found Randy's pillow in the microwave. You know what she thinks?
Wilson: Oh, probably that he's sleeping on the couch instead of in the basement.
Tim: You're amazing!
Wilson: Actually, I had a little extra clue. [points to Randy on the couch]
Tim: Well, gosh darn it! She was right. If he's so scared, why wouldn't he tell me?
Wilson: Well, Tim, when you were 13, would you have admitted your fears?
Tim: When I was 13, I wasn't scared of anything. If anybody tells you different they're a big fat liar.

Quote from Mark

Mark: Let go of me!
Randy: What you gonna do, yell for your mommy?
Mark: No. [yells] Daddy!

Quote from Tim

Tim: Hey, stop it! What are you doing? Stop it! Remember what I told you guys about having laundry fights? If you're gonna have them, let me in.

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