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‘Mark's Big Break’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Home Improvement: Mark's Big Break

816. Mark's Big Break

Aired February 9, 1999

After Tim finally finishes the hot rod, he asks Mark to produce a video to unveil the car on Tool Time.

Quote from Brad

Jill: Look, I know the video was bizarre. But isn't there something that you can do?
Tim: Sure. I could present it to the devil as an offering.
Jill: Couldn't you do some sort of special blooper show?
Brad: Mom, Dad already has one. It's called Tool Time.


Quote from Wilson

[As Tim bends down to pick up firewood next to the fence, Wilson slaps him with an animal hide]
Wilson: Happy Valentine's Day, good neighbor.
Tim: Why don't you just send a greeting card?
Wilson: Well, some historians claim that Valentine's Day can be traced to the ancient festival of Lupercalia. See, in Rome, people would slap each other using animal pelts, to heighten fertility.
Tim: We used to do that in high school. Using a wet towel would just heighten people's voices. [fake groaning]
Wilson: It is great fun, I'll tell you. I bet Jill would love to strike you with an animal hide.
Tim: I bet you Mark would like to take a whack at me himself.
Wilson: Yeah. Jill told me about the video.
Tim: I cannot show that video on Tool Time. On the other hand, I don't want to discourage the kid from doing something he's passionate about.
Wilson: So, in the words of the Anglican leader Lorenzo Dow, "You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't."
Tim: You can go back to your lubrication festival.

Quote from Tim

Wilson: Tim, let me ask you something. When you asked Mark to create this video, did you give him any guidelines?
Tim: Yeah. I said, it was my show, my show, my show.
Wilson: Ah-ha, ah-ha, ah-ha.
Tim: Not much to go on, is it? It's like telling a guy to build a house without blueprints.
Wilson: Which is something you wouldn't do.
Tim: I might. I actually did once. That house was a disaster.
Wilson: Yeah.
Tim: But the ratings went through the roof, just like the water heater.

Quote from Mark

Tim: I think he can do it. He's been interning down at Tool Time. He's been doing a great job.
Mark: Thank you, Dad. I promise, I won't disappoint you.
Tim: Don't disappoint me. But there's ground rules. Three of them. Big ones. My show, my show, my show.
Mark: I gotta go.
Tim: All right. And remember, I want the video up to Tool Time high standards, okay?
Mark: Gotcha. I'll blow something up.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Okay, girls, we gotta get busy. You know what day Sunday is.
Claire: Valentine's Day.
Jill: Yup. And I bought cards for all your friends. I always loved Valentine's Day. Except for when I was in sixth grade and I got braces on my teeth and the only valentine I got from was this kid named Jason Schumacher. The kid with head lice. Then, in eighth grade, the braces came off, the bra came on, and then, "Hello, valentines." I was swimming in them.

Quote from Jill

Tim: Well, once I get it finished, I gotta think of some exciting way to show it to the audience.
Jill: Well, how about this? Okay, you start up the engine, you drive it out.
Tim: I like it.
Jill: People everywhere are cheering.
Tim: They're cheering.
Jill: Then you make this big announcement. "This is the last hot rod I will ever build."
Tim: Good one.

Quote from Brad

Tim: You guys aren't leaving till you both come up with an idea about the hot rod show for me.
Mark: Dad, I got a geometry test.
Tim: Mark, this is important.
Brad: How about a real emotional Tool Time?
Tim: Go with it. Come on.
Brad: What could be more dramatic than giving your eldest son the keys to that '46 Ford?
Tim: Good one.

Quote from Tim

Jill: It's really nice, your giving Mark this chance.
Tim: I've got a lot of confidence in that kid. And he might be able to bring a younger audience in. I could reach young tool men and mold them before their minds are fully functioning.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Well, that finishes up another Tool Time show. Al, why don't you tell everybody about the big show we got coming up?
Al: That's right. Be sure to tune in Tuesday for a very special Tool Time, when Tim presents his totally restored '46 Ford convertible.
Tim: Plus a little video tribute directed and created by my son, Mark.
Al: You know, you have your family working here. What would it take to get Mother on the show?
Tim: We'd have to widen that door and put some brisket down.

Quote from Tim

Marty: Where are my girls?
Tim: They're on a play date with a friend of theirs, and Jill took them all to the mall. She's probably getting me something really cool for Valentine's Day.
Marty: You get her something special?
Tim: I did something she's been wanting me to do for three years, finish the hot rod. Yes, I'm getting her something special.
Marty: You know, it's funny. All the time that Nancy and I were together, I always figured Valentine's Day was just some annoying holiday that women made up.
Tim: It's true. Legend has it it was a little town called Climax, Michigan. 1964, group of women around a salad bar. One was making up Valentine's Day. The other two were inventing stuff like, "Dressings on the side," and, "I just want to be held."

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