Brad: Dad, here comes Mom!
Tim: No, no, no!
Jill: Hey, guys, it's really late. What are you doing out here?
Tim: We all have problems. We're waitin' for Wilson to wake up.

Pete: Anyway, Timmy, there's no one more qualified than Les, and no one knows more about tools than Les.
Tim: No one?
Al: You heard him, Tim.
Tim: Oh, yeah? Then why does everybody call me "The Tool Man"?
Les: Because it's your show and you made up the name?
Al: I like her.
Tim: I'd be willing to stake my tool reputation against anyone.
Les: Well, how about me?
Tim: [scoffs] Les. Leslie. I wouldn't want to embarrass you. Anybody who challenges me, it always ends up the same way.
Les: [laughs] You lose?
Al: I love her!

Jill: I'll bet I know what you're doing out here.
Tim: Oh, do you?
Jill: Well, let's see. You're out here in the middle of the night, carrying shovels, covered in dirt.
Tim: I didn't want to tell you, but Wilson wasn't feeling well so we buried him.

Mark: Here you go, Mom. Basil omelet. Happy Mother's Day.
Jill: Oh, that's so sweet of you, honey. Looks delicious.
Brad: And Mom, don't forget your basil butter with your toast.
Jill: Basil butter. Well, that's original.
Randy: If you think that's original, wait till you taste your fresh-squeezed basil juice.
Mark: We also made you coffee.
Jill: Is it green? [Mark nods]
Tim: And for dessert, fresh-baked basil cream pie.
Jill: I should've said I like diamonds.

Tim: It's the Tool Bowl Super Bonus Screw-off. First person to screw those screws in takes the whole thing.
Les: I'm game.
Tim: Great. Heidi, my electric screwdrivers, please.
Heidi: Here you are.
Tim: Pick your weapon.
Les: Ooh, nice grip.
Tim: All right. I'll just pick mine. Let's see. No, no. I'll just take this one down here. All right.
Al: Your electric screwdriver has a gas engine?
Tim: Got a problem with that, fella? OK, go.
[Tim hums as Les rushes over to the board and gets started. After a moment, Tim revs up his gas-powered screw-driver and heads to his board. After he starts on his first screw, his screwdriver breaks through the cardboard]
Les: I'm done! I won!
Al: All right! The champion and new tool world record holder!

Tim: What are you doing?
Jill: Oh, I'm doing research for a magazine article. It's about Finland. Look at this. Isn't that gorgeous?
Tim: Oh, yeah. I'm a huge Finn fan. Especially those fine feminine Finns in that hot tub.
Jill: Well, hot tubs are really popular there. But when they get out, they beat themselves gently with leafy birch branches.
Tim: Well, we've got that whirlpool upstairs. Next time you get out, I can snap you with a wet towel.
Jill: But this is a little more romantic. See? They're outside under the stars. Can you imagine you and me in a hot tub, staring up at the moon?
Tim: It'd be great. Especially with a couple of those Finnish girls, Yorgie and Pecka.

Brad: So we're gonna send Mom to Finland?
Tim: No, no, no. We can bring Finland to Mom. I say we put in a hot tub.
Brad: Yeah! Cool!
Tim: We'll put it right over here, get rid of the swing set. You guys don't use this anymore, do you?
Randy: Yeah, we do. Last week we tied Mark to it.

Tim: All right. Pete, have a seat, will you? Pete, do you consider yourself a... oh, I don't know, a construction worker of the '90s?
Pete: Well, Tim, nowadays when a hot rivet drops down in my shirt, I'm not ashamed to cry.
Tim: Something you should remember, Al, next time I drop a hot rivet down your shirt, huh?

Pete: Tim, I must tell you that Les is probably the best overall worker we have.
Tim: The best-looking worker in overalls, too. [laughs]
Les: Nope, that would be Pete.
Pete: Aw, heck!

Tim: All right. Got electric in, you guys got the holes filled in, we're ready for the hot tub.
Mark: Where is it?
Tim: Al's supposed to be delivering it.
Randy: Well, shouldn't you help him? I mean, that thing's pretty heavy.
Tim: He's got his mom with him.